It may sound strange, but I have always been attracted to myself.
Like most people, I had all the regular teenage insecurities about personality and appearance, but every now and then I would look in the mirror, when I was showering or getting dressed, and feel a surge of sexual attraction.
I'm not what you might call traditionally attractive - I'm slim with a big jaw and curly hair, but the sight of a naked body really turns me on.
Running my hands over curves, nipples and soft skin gives me a thrill unlike anything else.
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I never thought there was anything strange or unusual about it, until I casually mentioned it to friends when I was 17 years old.
We grew up together and are still very close.
We often chat about our sexual experiences, so when I told them, I expected them to feel the same way I did, and to understand what I meant.
But none of them understood it.
Instead, they found what I was saying funny and continued to joke about my obsession.
I laughed along with them, but inside I wondered what was wrong with me.
That was when it first occurred to me that I was sexually attractive to myself in a way that most people are not to themselves.
Now I'm used to feeling like this.
I only recently learned that there might be a name for this vague feeling of self-will that I've felt for so long.
Now I proudly call myself "autosexual".
It's a term that has troubled sex scientists to define, and so far there isn't much data or research on it.
It is believed to have been first coined by the late sex therapist Bernard Afelbaum in a paper published in 1989.
He specifically used it to refer to people who have trouble being sexually aroused by others.
But today it is used more freely for people who are primarily - sometimes exclusively - attracted to their own bodies.
Michael Eron, author of the book Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships, told Refinery29 that the self-inflicted feeling is pretty common:
"Some perceive it more as an orientation, because they are more aroused by themselves than by others, and they are called autosexuals".
Over the years, some people have tried, unsuccessfully, to talk me out of feeling this way.
And I've lost track of how many times "friends" have suggested that maybe I'm just a narcissist.
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It is unlikely that this will be the case, says Dr. Jennifer McGowan from University College London.
While narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable disorder with symptoms that include an inflated sense of self, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy - autosexuality is different.
Dr. McGowan explains:
"Autosexuals are sexually more comfortable in their own company, while narcissists crave attention.
"Autosexuality is also likely not related to a lack of empathy or a desire to please others - sexually or otherwise - but to a preference for private and personal sexual experience."
For years now, I've mostly masturbated by looking at pictures of myself or fantasizing about myself.
I imagine lying naked on the beach, or I remember the time I touched myself in the bathtub while my housemates were downstairs.
Someone else's touch just doesn't do it for me the same way.
As with other sexualities, there is a spectrum of autosexuality.
Some experts believe that if - like me - you think about yourself when you masturbate, or even fantasize about having sex with yourself, you could be a real autosexual.
However, if the sight of yourself having sex or posing in your underwear turns you on just a little bit, you're probably not autosexual in the strictest sense.
For me, it goes beyond masturbation.
It's about feeling a deep, instinctive attraction to yourself whether you're alone or with a boyfriend.
I know that most of my friends get turned on by the thought of their sexual partners - if they're not with them, they fantasize about fantasies involving them.
It's different for me - while I'm enjoying sex with other people, I have to think about myself and touch myself, until I orgasm.
Some autosexuals are also autoromantic, meaning they like the idea of having fun alone.
One woman, Gia Vitale, wrote about being in a relationship with herself.
"I go out for coffee, go for walks in nature, dress in underwear and pamper myself, or just sit in the dark and enjoy my own presence," she writes.
"Sometimes I light candles and do sensual dances for my own amusement. When I'm feeling particularly positive about life, I do a lot of things to spark romance.
"I learned how to surprise myself. Something as simple as slathering your body with lotion can turn into a sensual, sexual moment, sometimes voluntarily and sometimes by itself."
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I can understand some of what Gia is saying, I have an amazing sex life myself.
And I also know it can be just as fun with the right person who understands my needs.
Besides, relationships aren't just about sex.
I personally love the idea of getting married and having a family one day.
I don't see why I can't have it just because I enjoy myself sexually.
Although I am now open and proud of my own autosexuality, it wasn't always that easy.
After that first failed attempt to explain it to my friends, I struggled with feelings of shame.
I didn't talk about it for a long time and hid it from the guys - it became almost like my "dirty secret".
Once I was with my ex and we had sex next to a big mirror.
I kept looking at myself in the mirror instead of him.
Although he had an amazing body, my pale, skinny body turned me on much more.
When I told him the truth, he was upset because he felt I didn't like him.
All I could do was try to explain that I didn't think I was a perfect goddess.
I know I don't fit society's narrow beauty standards - I'm still insecure about feeling fat or ugly - but when I'm excited, I think I look really hot.
The other guy I dated seemed to take it a little better and said he saw it as a sign that I had healthy confidence.
He made my autosexuality a part of our sex life - he loved watching me get excited, and it helped me stop feeling ashamed.
We even joked that I liked myself better than him.
But recently I realized that making a joke out of something so personal is not the same as accepting it and being comfortable with it.
Although I've learned to accept being an autosexual, sometimes I wish I was "normal".
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It's frustrating when your friends can't understand what you're going through, and sometimes when I'm with my boyfriend, I feel bad that I get a different kind of pleasure from our intimacy than he does.
In those moments, I wish I could just put autosexuality on hiatus and explore more "regular" sexuality.
But then I remember that nothing is "normal" about sexuality and that we are all different.
People are queer, bisexual, asexual... as society becomes more open and people more honest about their sexuality, I feel like we're starting to realize how fluid sexuality is.
I hope that one day autosexuality will be more widely understood because I would love to be able to talk about it with my family.
If she did it now, they just wouldn't understand.
I tried to explain it to my mom once, but she seemed distraught, so I stopped.
I recently met an autosexual online and admitted that I might be one too.
It was so good that the response was mutual understanding, not laughter or discomfort.
We're a new community and still trying to figure out exactly where we fit on the sexual spectrum, but I'm glad I have a way to explain how I feel.
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If the chance arose to be in a relationship with another autosexual, it could be amazing.
This would mean that for the first time in my life I would have a truly equal relationship, where we would both feel exactly the same about our own sexuality.
But I just have no idea how to find someone - it's not exactly the kind of box you can tick on a dating app - at least not yet.
A lot of people won't get it and it's easy to make fun of or judge, but in the end, unless you're autosexual, you'll never know how good it feels.
I have great sexual relationships with other people, but I experience the best orgasms with myself - and regardless of whether I'm alone or in a relationship, I'll always be there for myself.
What's not to love about it?
The author, who wished to remain anonymous, told Radiki Sangani
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