Hazal Sirin, a 34-year-old from Istanbul, describes her dating and relationships as a roller coaster ride.
"In the beginning, the expectations and excitement are high, and then the disappointment comes," she says.
"It's the same story for everyone."
Hazal reveals that she has been single for four years and that she is actively looking for a partner all the time, but that despite going on dates she has not been able to achieve a relationship.
She says that she is frustrated and that her friends who have similar experiences feel the same way.
Hazal explains that many people fail to show genuine interest or care even after a long period of dating.
She says several of her partners suddenly started avoiding her and cut off all contact without any prior warning or explanation.
He thinks it's a lack of consideration or empathy.
Hazal is disappointed by her experiences and is convinced that there are only a few people who really want to commit to building a real relationship.
Disappointment with dating and dating in modern life is increasingly a topic of everyday conversation, whether in a coffee shop or on social networks.
According to a 2019 survey conducted by the Pev Research Center, nearly half of Americans over the age of 18 believe that it has become more challenging to date and maintain a relationship over the past decade.
Among the reasons given by the respondents are: the increasing use of technology and dating platforms, physical and emotional risks, the belief that feelings are not brought into the relationship, casualness in the relationship, and changes in social expectations, morals and gender roles.
The results of the survey indicate that most people are dissatisfied with the dates they go out on and find it difficult to meet potential partners.
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The decline in popularity of dating apps
Dating apps, which claim to offer an easier way to meet new people, also seem to have lost their initial charm.
For example, the number of annual Tinder app downloads has fallen by more than a third since 2014, when its popularity was at its peak.
Another popular dating app, Bumble, states that its users are interested in casual dating.
"One in three Bumble users in the United States (US) say they want to get to know a potential partner better before going on a live date or relationship, and are going on fewer dates for mental health reasons," says Bumble.
Research also shows that young people are emotionally tired of dating and socializing apps.
More than 90 percent of members of Generation Z - born between 1997 and 2012 - say dating apps frustrate them, according to youth research agency Savanta.
"We're in a weird moment where dating apps are declining in popularity, at least culturally, and there's no replacement yet," says Kathryn Lindsey, who writes about internet trends and culture.
She argues that neither social gatherings nor physical connections help Generation Z.
Lindsey adds that the corona virus pandemic has further worsened the situation, as it has denied many members of Gen Z the opportunity to develop social skills for live communication.
Influencers offer dating advice
As more and more people complain that they are frustrated with the dates they go out on, the number of tips on how to behave on romantic dates and in relationships is also increasing on social networks.
Influencers often offer advice on how to find love quickly under titles such as "12 rules of dating behavior that changed my life" or "Three secrets to shine on a date".
Some appear to promote conservative relationship values and suggest that gender roles or behavior be respected, such as that men should pay the bill on the first date or that women should follow traditional stereotypes.
For example, Steven Laboisseur, a relationship counselor with 1,5 million followers on YouTube, makes videos with titles like "Nine Terrible Date Mistakes That Turn Men Off" or "The Only Dating Advice Women Need."
In a video aimed at women aptly titled "How to Date Successfully", London-based Tam Kaur talks about having "high dating standards" and advises how to get your partner to "treat you like princess".
Influencer Xia West, who has nearly half a million followers on TikTok, suggests that "if you want someone to obsess over you, just pretend you're not interested."
Katherine Lindsay notes that there are influencers who advocate for more progressive and equal approaches to dating, as well as that social network algorithms often steer people in a known direction and thus reinforce traditional norms.
She says that influencers and content creators often play the card of loneliness or despair.
"If you're a content creator who just wants easy clicks, then you're claiming you have a solution because people feel desperate or hopeless," she says.
Hazal Sirin says that she often comes across videos on social networks that give advice on how to behave on dating dates.
"It's become commonplace to discuss dating tips during makeup," she says.
"Some of them are nonsense, but some of them are useful".
She also believes that there are universal rules that should be followed when dating.
"You shouldn't reveal too much about yourself or use certain tactics when talking to men," she claims.
'The Road to Self-Discovery'
Is there actually a fast track to finding love?
"Unfortunately, no," says psychotherapist and author Katie Gillis.
"I wish there was some perfect algorithm for love.
"I think people want to believe it exists, because it gives them hope."
Because meetings are stressful, Gillis says people are looking online for advice so they don't feel uncomfortable.
But she believes that dating should be a way to discover who you really are and what kind of partner you want.
People should look for the relationship they want to have, not the one society imposes on them, she says.
"A relationship is not a mathematical equation that you have to solve," says marriage counselor and psychologist Shivani Misri Sadu.
"There are no shortcuts to building a good relationship. You have to make an effort," she says, stressing the importance of clear communication and sincere intentions.
Psychotherapist Katie Gillis agrees.
In order to avoid frustration due to dating, you need to be yourself, she emphasizes.
"Always be yourself," she advises.
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