Imagine this scene: a little girl puts on a colorful dress, does a pirouette and pauses with satisfaction.
The adults around her are also pleased and tell her how beautiful she is.
Some time later, she looks at the pictures in her favorite books and sees slim people and animals going on exciting adventures, while on the other side there are some bigger people, clumsier and slower.
Sometimes she notices how upset her parents are about their weight or appearance.
By the time she was a teenager, her parents were already concerned about how social media and influencers were influencing her body image.
However, research tells us that in reality her perception of the body and its social acceptability were formed in her before that, even in her earliest years.
When dealing with our relationship to our own body, it's hard to tell where our satisfaction or dissatisfaction comes from for that matter.
If we go back to our childhood, we may be able to remember some passing comments or observations. None of them sound like anything too important in and of themselves.
And yet, the cumulative effect can be surprisingly powerful.
- Women fighting against "fatphobia"
- Colonialism and obesity: how politics affected the myth of the perfect body
- "Women spend their lives hating their own bodies"
The writer Glenon Doyle still remembers how as a child she was praised by the adults who surrounded her.
"I could see everything on their faces... They would light up, so that's when I learned that it was a trump card in my hands," she says in a podcast she started.
But when she grew up and was no longer considered so beautiful, the adoration stopped - it was, she says, like the whole world turned against her.
Whether it comes in the form of compliments or criticism, this kind of attention can establish beliefs and insecurities that are not so easy to shake.
The consequences can be extremely harmful, research shows, when family attitudes and offensive comments about weight are linked to mental health problems and eating disorders.
On top of that, the widespread stigmatization of overweight children has increased, and thus the impact on children's self-confidence and, certainly, on the image of the body itself.
Given how early in development we begin to be aware of the ideal that our body should aspire to, the question arises, what should parents and guardians do to help their children feel safe and be more supportive of others?
Shame of one's own body is learned, not innate
Physical ideals vary drastically over time and across cultures - just a cursory glance at any Paul Rubens painting or the 29.500-year-old Venus of Willendorf figurine shows how passionately people have embraced curvaceous curves.
But today, regardless of positive social movements that glorify all shapes and sizes, the idea of the skinny body as a role model remains dominant in social media, traditional media, television, the big screen, or the world of marketing.
Awareness of this ideal begins very early and reflects children's experiences of the world around them.
In one study, children ages 3-5 were asked about figures that were available in sizes ranging from skinny to the largest to determine positive or negative traits.
So, for example, they were asked to indicate which children would be kind or mean, which children the others would tease or whom they would invite to their birthday.
Children usually chose those with larger figures as carriers of negative traits.
The key conclusion was that this type of bias arose under the influence of others: thus, the mother's belief and attitude towards the shape of the desired body is considered the most influential in this matter.
Also, older children were more determined than younger ones, which again indicates that such attitudes are learned and not innate.
This finding "suggests how important the social environment is in the development of negative or positive attitudes towards body weight," the research concludes.
"We can see regularities in the pattern in which children attribute positive traits to thin people and negative traits to those with larger figures," says Shan McLean, a psychology lecturer at Latrobe University in Melbourne, Australia, who is an expert on issues related to body dissatisfaction.
"They develop quite early, which is a problem because this is how the perception is established that a large body is undesirable, in contrast to a slim body, and this is also connected with social acceptance".
Although parents have an important role in shaping the attitudes and views of their own children, it should be pointed out that they are in any case not the only ones who influence the younger ones and that very often they can have a positive effect in opposing the messages that come from other sources.
In any case, research shows that parental attitudes have a significant impact.
Another study showed that three-year-olds are influenced by their parents' attitudes about body weight.
Over time, the negative associations they have with larger bodies, as well as the awareness that they should lose weight, increase.
In these perceptions, there is always a sexual moment where sons are much more influenced by fathers, while girls are more influenced by mothers.
Resorting to diets that control body weight is applied to girls, it was observed, as early as the age of five.
The main factor is exposure to the media, as well as conversations about appearance.
Studies also show how early children take into account social perceptions of the world around them and how they pay attention to how adults behave and talk about food and body appearance.
The pattern is the same, and it can be worse, in older age.
Research that dealt with the degree of dissatisfaction with body appearance and dietary nutrition in children aged five to eight years showed that "the desire for a thinner body in girls appears at the age of six".
Since that time, girls idealize a drastically thinner figure than their current one.
To repeat, children's perception of parental dissatisfaction with their physical condition determines the degree of dissatisfaction with their own bodies in children as well.
"The majority of children will adopt social beliefs regarding ideal body proportions, as well as the awareness that this ideal can be reached with the help of a child," the authors of the research conclude.
The risks of teasing
Many parents will be shocked to hear that their own insecurities - which, after all, can be completely unwanted and certainly not something to pass on to children - can have such a big impact.
But some family members also reinforce this effect with humiliating comments.
In a study that looked at the effects of being teased by family members about body condition and eating disorders, 23 percent of research participants confirmed the existence of parental teasing due to dissatisfaction with body appearance, and 12 percent due to obesity.
Fathers took the lead in this, compared to mothers.
This kind of paternal teasing significantly indicates dissatisfaction with one's own body, but also bulimic behavior and depression, and also increases the chances that the teasing will be continued by a brother or sister.
Maternal teasing is a significant predictor of depression.
Being teased by a sibling has a similar negative effect on mental health and self-esteem, and also increases the risk of eating disorders.
The authors state that understanding a family history of teasing can help doctors identify those susceptible to "eating disorders due to their body image and those who have developed poorer psychological functioning."
Another study conducted on children aged seven to eight years showed that the mother's comments regarding weight and body size are related to bad eating habits of their children.
Similarly, girls "who are encouraged by their mothers, fathers and friends to lose weight and be slim" will more easily accept negative opinions about other people's body condition, also known as "fatness bias".
This is particularly alarming given the rise in weight-related stigmatization and bullying.
Even adult women still suffer from stigmatization experienced during childhood, one study found, in which participants mostly named mothers as the source of such prejudice.
It was "the most painful thing I've ever experienced," said one of the research participants.
The study quoted women in their 40s, 50s and 60s who described their vivid memories of being insulted by family members about their weight, and noted that they still felt deep sadness about it.
"The constant criticism my mother directed at me because of my fatness affected my self-confidence, which I have struggled with all my life," said one of the participants.
"My father and brothers always hummed the song 'about the little elephant and his walk' when I was eight to 11 years old," said another.
"I still have a problem with eating in the company of my mother," adds one 49-year-old respondent.
"She constantly criticized my diet and weight since I was 6 years old."
One of the interviewees recalled that her mother put her on a diet when she was 10 years old.
"My sense of unattractiveness has been constant, even when I was thinner, and will probably never go away.
"It's very painful for me," she said.
In any case, some respondents also said that they felt that their mothers projected their own insecurities, but also that they believed that such comments and advice were not malicious, but would be helpful.
Outside the family
There are reasons why the influence of fathers is so strong.
Rachel Rogers, a psychologist at Northwestern University, says that parents who are concerned about their own image model their behavior accordingly to show "how important it is."
"Even when they don't mention the child's physical appearance, they still behave in a way that suggests it to the child, like 'this really worries me, I'm preoccupied with this', so children understand it that way".
In addition, many parents comment on what their children eat, wear or how they look, usually with good intentions, but this can also increase the preoccupation with appearance and weight.
The resulting "idealization of thinness" - the preference for thin bodies - leads children to believe that their "social value depends on their physical appearance and this leads them to engage in whether or not they should work on their self-confidence, but also on their time and energy," he says. Rogers.
Of course, parents are not the only source of body stigmatization, especially while the child is growing up.
Their peers and the media take on a bigger role over time.
Even toys like dolls have an impact.
One study that looked at girls ages 5-9 found that when they play with extremely thin dolls, it changes their ideal desired dimensions in the direction of extra thinness.
If not opposed, these influences can reinforce each other.
Many studies show that media exposure contributes to the creation of role models - young girls who watch music videos are later more focused on their own appearance.
If their friends also talk about the weight and appearance itself, this effect can be amplified.
"The way media role models are supported or accepted by peers/friends is a more concrete factor than direct exposure to the media," explains Jolene Trekels, a psychologist who studies body image in Louvain, Belgium, and who leads research into the role of friends in creating role models.
The positive side of this is that young people are not at the mercy of the media themselves and their projected ideals, but that they can collectively find their own answers.
Look and see: A young man who lost 51 kilograms
The dangers of promoting thinness
The type of social platform and activity also play an important role. One report from 2022 found that Instagram and Snapchat (extremely visual apps) are more negatively associated with body image than Facebook, while taking and adjusting selfies has worse consequences than just observing them.
It is not surprising that content promoting thinness (thinspiration) and diet for weight loss also show negative effects (due to the negativity of the comparison itself), just like texts promoting fitness (categorized as fitspiration).
While reading exercise texts does indeed inspire exercise, especially among women, they also promote role models who are thin, a 2019 study found.
It is, therefore, an early, inspiring effect, but that does not mean that it is long-lasting, as the results of the study itself tell us:
"Over time, women realize that there are no drastic changes after dieting and exercising, so frustrations are possible that sometimes result in disappointment with their own bodies."
And that is problematic for several reasons.
"Self-esteem is often intertwined with self-perception of one's own body," Trekels explains.
This is especially noticeable in women and girls.
Once a negative awareness of body appearance develops, it can be a sign of eating disorders and depression.
- "Every woman's body is ready for the beach", campaign in Spain
- "I felt accepted because of my perfect body, but I was neither happy nor healthy"
- Iraqi actress sues Ekonomist newspaper over allegations that she is "fat"
The statistics are sobering.
Estimates suggest that almost half of teenage girls and teenage girls express dissatisfaction with their own bodies.
Such a negative image from childhood can also persist after adulthood.
A recent study by the charity Butterfly, which offers evidence-based support for eating disorders, found that of those who develop body disillusionment early on, 93 per cent say it worsens during adolescence.
Are girls more vulnerable?
Although girls seem to be more affected by concerns about their body image, this may be partly because most of the research focuses on girls, but also because the female body has been constantly objectified and sexualized since the earliest days.
Recent studies of boys show a similar level of dissatisfaction, although the body role models for boys are somewhat different and with a deeper focus on muscularity, for example.
"Anyone can experience this kind of indignation with their own body, it doesn't matter what you really look like, but how you think about it and what you feel deep inside," says Stephanie Damiano, who works at Butterfly.
Trekels observes similar trends.
"In general, strong effects are more noticeable in girls than in boys. However, this does not mean that boys themselves are not vulnerable when experiencing such influences."
One of the reasons why this effect is stronger in girls is that, from the earliest days, girls and boys are socialized differently.
Girls are often told that their social worth is measured by their attractiveness, says Rogers.
"They are told that their bodies were created to be looked at, that they should be restrained, obedient and not take up much space," she says.
"Boys are told that their bodies are functional, that they are strong, and that is a completely different message."
Given how pervasive these messages are, the question arises as to what parents can do to reverse them and in their place create more complimentary, positive and powerful messages about their body image.
First of all, the evidence shows, it should be understood that the way adults talk about bodies in the company of children matters.
"Parents and educators should be encouraged not to comment on different body shapes, even if those comments are essentially positive," McLean says.
Instead, parents should focus on what children love to do and "value more who they really are, their skills and talents, and less concern with their appearance," says Damiano.
This can help children to be more satisfied with themselves and to tell them that it has nothing to do with their appearance.
It also means that we work on our own self-perception and self-confidence, since the study shows how easy it is to transfer our own insecurities to children.
Family support
Damiano also recommends that parents avoid talking about body weight, as well as constantly telling children to eat healthier foods.
"The more we focus on the fact that increased body weight is a problem or that a certain type of food is 'bad', the greater will be the guilt, shame and dissatisfaction with one's own body in children."
Instead, parents could talk about exercise being important for overall health and well-being, rather than how to lose weight.
Families could also normalize eating healthy meals, rather than just talking loudly about certain foods that are bad for you.
After all, we all love some treats, so it seems counterproductive to teach kids to feel guilty about enjoying them.
In fact, enjoying certain foods is the key to a healthy weight relationship.
Watching cooking TV programs where healthy food is prepared can also, in a subtle way, encourage children to eat healthy food.
Family relationships can play an important and positive role: one study showed that a good relationship between a mother and her children can reduce the negative effects of social media on body dissatisfaction.
Limiting the time spent on social networks can reduce the "comparison effect" and improve mental health.
"The way parents might explain what children see is also very important," says Rogers.
"Because it can help children to discover what different satiety pictures show."
And, of course, not all social networks are bad - they can also be a source of community and encouragement.
It would also be useful for parents to connect with schools.
Butterfly Australia's fitness program helps primary school children develop positive attitudes about body image and lifestyle choices.
In their pilot program, children were observed to improve their own attitudes about it after just one lesson.
Programs based on building self-confidence have also been successful.
Relying on such programs and their messages can help parents to explore their own attitudes regarding body weight and body shape and to discard ossified and harmful beliefs.
As for what we could do in our own home, a simple change could be to stop every time we want to compliment a child's appearance and think of something else we love about them that we want them to know.
Instead of telling them that we "love their dress", we could simply smile and say how happy we are to see them and how wonderful it is that they are here with us.
Also watch the video: The ideal "slim body with curves" that makes girls sick
BBC is in Serbian from now on and on YouTube, follow us HERE.
Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube i Viber. If you have a topic proposal for us, contact us at bbcnasrpskom@bbc.co.uk
Bonus video:
