Solitude can be fulfilling for people, from spending time alone to enjoying the benefits of single life, is a philosophy espoused by many new books.
The main character of Wim Wenders' 2023 film, Perfect days (perfect days), is a public toilet cleaner in Tokyo who spends most of his days alone.
He waters plants, thinks, listens to music, and reads.
Other characters are introduced later in the film, but it was the opening moments of this film that many viewers experienced as truly perfect.
BBC film critic Nicholas Barber described them as "a meditation on the serenity of existence reduced to its essence," which is precisely what provoked a strong reaction from viewers.
And no wonder.
Thoughtful and optimistic perspectives on loneliness are increasingly present on our screens, bookshelves, and smartphones – from podcasts to viral videos on TikTok.
It seems like there's never been a better time to be alone.
Several titles have been published on this topic in the last few years, and several more are in preparation.
Books The science and power of solitude i How to build a great single life appeared on the market in 2024, while the book Nikola Sloson Alone: How to live a fulfilling life on your own rules published in February.
At the end of May, the long-awaited novel by Emma Gannon was published. A table for one person (Table For One).
Having become known for her documentary works that challenge traditional notions of success and productivity, Gannon now reexamines contemporary relationships through a love story about a young woman who finds joy in solitude rather than with a partner.
- Is solitude good for us?
- The positive sides of loneliness
- Why do we feel so lonely even though we are surrounded by people?
Two more self-help manuals are expected later this year - The Joy of Solitude: How to Reconnect with Yourself in an Over-Connected World i It's nice to sleep alone.
Also, an English-language paperback edition of Daniel Schreiber's book is to be published. Thoughts on single life, which was originally published in Germany in 2023.
Changing attitudes
Many new books, full of insightful observations and helpful advice, seek not only to dispel prejudices about solitude, but also to highlight its benefits and beauties.
This large number of publications on this topic may at first glance be a surprise to everyone who has survived the coronavirus pandemic and has certainly heard or felt the bitter taste of the so-called "epidemic of loneliness", a term popularized in 2023 by Vivek Murthy, then Surgeon General of the United States.
"After the pandemic, there has been a huge amount of attention paid to loneliness, and for good reason," he says. Robert Koplan, professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada, and author of The Joy of Solitude: How to Reconnect with Yourself in an Over-Connected World.
However, he says that due to legitimate concerns about the consequences of loneliness, solitude has unfairly gotten a bad rap in an attempt to get rid of unwanted loneliness.
Now, however, views on loneliness are improving.
Koplan emphasizes that it is important to distinguish between loneliness and solitude, and that many writers emphasize this.
"Although loneliness is harmful and a serious problem for some people, it is a subjective state that is significantly different from solitude that someone consciously chooses for positive reasons," explains the journalist. Heder Hansen, who in 2024 co-authored the aforementioned book The Science and the Power of Solitude.
Hansen has watched for years as the media constantly tells us that we are very lonelyand, but explains that "people are increasingly reexamining their own lives and realizing that they choose solitude for various reasons that bring them benefits."
"I have a theory that after the coronavirus pandemic, we are able to clearly understand the difference between loneliness and chosen solitude," he says. Ema Ganon, otherwise a big supporter of the concept "slow living".
Extreme conditions during the pandemic—such as being confined to a confined space with all of our loved ones, or conversely, months spent without human contact—have prepared us “for conversations about the differences between isolation and joyful time spent alone,” says Gannon.
And Gen Z and millennials are increasingly questioning romantic relationships, enthusiastically embracing single life, and carefully considering interpersonal relationships.
The new novel Ganon may be a fictional account of a young woman rebuilding her relationship with herself, but it will ring true to many readers who struggle with what are increasingly seen as outdated societal expectations of "settling down."
Polls conducted in America in 2023, showed that two out of five members of Generation Z and millennials consider marriage to be an outdated tradition.
Prema data According to the Office for National Statistics of the United Kingdom (UK), just over half of Generation Z members are predicted to get married.
In April, a TikTok video, which has more than a million likes and nearly 37.000 comments, showed view a man to date women who live alone and are completely comfortable with it.
Many women found his analysis to be completely accurate and enthusiastically recognized themselves in it.
Nikola Sloson, the author of the book, is not surprised by these reactions. Alone: How to live a fulfilling life by your own rules.
“The number of people living alone in England has been steadily increasing for about ten years,” says Sloson, adding that this is fueling a cultural shift towards greater acceptance of singles and a focus on “freedom and independence, and particularly the rejection of family life, as women realise they no longer have to put up with what may have been expected of them in previous generations.”
Despite this, it can be said that our cultural fascination with solitude is deeply rooted.
The beauty of solitude has been a theme for many artists for centuries - from the German painter Caspar David Friedrich, whose painting Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog (created around 1817), to the esteemed 20th-century American painter Edward Hopper and his depictions of lonely city dwellers.
In the weekly text The New Yorker dedicated to Hopper's retrospective exhibition at the Whitney Museum of American Art in New York in 2022, it is written: "Everything Hopper depicts in relation to city life seems isolated, without community, and yet his paintings of apparent loneliness do not seem at all gloomy, but rather exude a pride in independence."
Daniel Schreiber says that traditionally, people who live alone, without a partner, are considered lonely.
"Today, society better understands that a romantic relationship is not the only possible way of life, nor necessarily something to strive for," he adds.
"There are different ways of living, and it's not as necessary to be in a traditional romantic relationship anymore."
A similar view is shared by Peter McGraw, author of the book How to build a great single life and a self-proclaimed "eternal bachelor," who teaches marketing and psychology at the University of Colorado.
"There are a lot of myths surrounding single life, as well as a lack of understanding of why marriage was invented in the first place - mostly as a business arrangement," says McGraw.
"Frankly, the message of romantic comedies, love songs, and Jane Austen novels that we need a partner to be fulfilled is not supported by data."
"If we look at longitudinal research data, we see that while personal happiness can increase during marriage, this effect does not last long," he adds.
Even in a partnership, traditional roles can be adjusted to create more space for solitude, which is what the book It's Nice to Sleep Alone advocates.
Book author and yoga and meditation instructor, Cynthia Zak, noticed that many women prefer to sleep alone rather than with a partner.
She decided to write the book, originally in Spanish, to support the idea that we should "have more space to express what we feel and what we need, more opportunities to free ourselves from fears and limiting beliefs, and more freedom to choose."
How to be alone and feel good
If there are more and more people living alone and therefore not exposed to the prejudices of their environment, how can they make the best of it?
Everyone agrees that it is crucial to find a healthy balance between the time people spend alone and socializing with others, and that solitude should be a personal choice, not imposed or necessary.
"The greatest indicator of successful solitude is that the person chose it themselves, believing that it offers something important and meaningful," says Hansen.
He adds that loneliness is like "clay that we can mold as we wish."
In this regard, McGraw advises that this shaping should not turn into “lying in bed and ordering food through delivery apps.”
Instead, he suggests using solitude to creative activities and hobbies, such as walking, running, people-watching from cafes, visiting museums, and enjoying it at the pace you want."
Or maybe, he says, “lying in a bathtub with Vivaldi music,” or taking an online course.
Sloson advises singles that instead of waiting for loneliness to pass, they should joyfully embrace it.
"I used to often put off doing anything until I 'settled down' or found a partner, but I realized I needed to live the life I had and get as much joy out of it as possible, instead of feeling like I was in a waiting room, waiting for life to begin," she says.
And what should be done when social pressure starts?
“Don’t succumb to preconceived ideas and expectations,” advises McGraw.
"The good news is that there is now an alternative scenario."
Solitude, in a broader sense, offers many possibilities.
“I believe that solitude fosters creativity, motivates us, and helps us solve problems,” says Gannon.
She suggests that we view solitude as an adventure, or as an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves, for example by journaling or indulging our senses.
“The soft blanket, the sound of music, the taste of your food.
"Everything you can see, hear, touch, and feel when you're alone?"
Zak says that deeper self-reflection can deepen your understanding of loneliness.
He suggests paying attention to moments of solitude and turning those moments into small rituals that soothe and encourage reflection.
"Ask yourself what you enjoy most when you are alone?"
“Make that moment precious and task yourself with consciously appreciating that space more and more,” she says.
And perhaps most importantly, spice up your solitude with company.
"People need social contact, but I would say they also need solitude," says Koplan.
"The key to happiness and well-being is finding the right balance."
"And that balance is very individual."
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