After seeing the results of the Irish Croats' vote for the European Parliament, I thought - like you, after all - that it was someone's successful prank. If, however, there are Croats with a sense of humor, they most certainly do not work in the State Election Commission, according to the official and final results of which the HDZ in Ireland received the same number of votes as Milorad Pupovac, so in total exactly - one vote. So not one percent, not metaphorically some kind of colloquial one, not one as a certain one, but a very physical one, in numbers and letters, one in every mathematical and administrative sense, with first name, last name and OIB: only one Croat, one the only one out of ten thousand, on Sunday in Dublin rounded up the HDZ.
It is therefore easy to imagine the drama among those of us in Ireland, who these days look suspiciously around Penneys stores trying to find out which one of them voted for HDZ. There hasn't been such a drama among Croats since January 2010, after the second round of the presidential elections, word spread in the Herzegovinian town of Ravno that, according to the official results of the election commission, one person in the municipality voted for Ivo Josipović.
It's so dramatic these days in the Croatian community in Ireland: married couples are scrutinized at lunch in tenement holes in Galway, every word spoken is carefully measured in Cork pubs, Croats are watching to see if one of their own has been fired from a gay bar or asked for a divorce. marriage, so they chat seemingly casually, talk about crap from work, ask about their homes and comment on Brexit, all while trying to discover the inserted HDZ member. There are whispers among our people in Dublin that some Ličan who cleans offices in North Wall openly listens to Intrade, one from Split told the hairdresser that with so many Turks and Arabs in Germany, it is not surprising that the result of the Greens, and the popular Hama in Čevabdžinica Balkan in Moore Street Mall got word that someone from Zmijavac allegedly bought a one-way ticket to Split through Ryanair.
And if James Joyce had been born a hundred years later, by God his Leopold Bloom would have been the Croatian immigrant Leopold Beljo, who in the seven hundred pages of "Ulysses" roams the streets of Dublin, looking for some reason, any reason, to vote for HDZ on the day of the European elections. If anyone could ever understand that point, it was James Joyce.
However, by a terrible historical accident, Ljubo Ćesić Royce liked Ljubo Ćesić Royce instead of James Joyce, so the drama in Dublin's Little Croatia is more understandable. After all, man is a curious being, curiosity has distanced him from his uncle the chimpanzee in the evolutionary race. The key question 'why?', let's say, ultimately defined us as a conscious being. And in world whyology, which remembers the most wonderful whys imaginable - both wonderfully profound and wonderfully stupid - it is generally considered that the most theoretically stupid 'why?' precisely the one who would ask 'why only one out of ten thousand Irish Croats voted for HDZ'.
Since in the HDZ, such things are not only asked, but also have an answer - they say, only about fifty Irish Croats turned out for the elections - theoretically, it would be even more stupid to ask why out of ten thousand Croats in Dublin, they turned out for the elections only about fifty. I say 'theoretically', because in modern neurology it was thought until recently that such a thing as understanding the hatred of Croatian politics and HDZ among Irish Croats is the lower encephalographic limit, below which brain death is declared, and that no human being with a formally active basic cerebral functions would never ask why Irish Croats do not like HDZ. I say 'until recently such a thing was thought' because in world science such a thing has not been thought of recently.
Something like that last Saturday - the day before the European Parliament elections! - asked Večernji list, the leading Croatian media for researching paranormal phenomena and explaining unexplained phenomena, in an interesting whyological experiment under the intriguing title: 'Out of ten thousand Croats in Dublin, there are only six hundred of them in addition to the Church. Why?' At first - like you, after all - I thought it was someone's successful prank. If, however, there are Croats with a sense of humor, they most certainly do not work in Večernjak, where, I soon realized, the really dead serious and dead worried are asking 'why, out of ten thousand Croats in Dublin, there are only six of them with the Church' hundreds?'. It is an unfathomable puzzle for the editors of Večernji list and Reverend Josip Levakovic, the head of the recently established Croatian Catholic Mission in Haddington Road, who helplessly spreads his arms complaining to the reporter that he has entered barely six compatriots into the records, adding all of them as 'for some reason' - indeed, which one? - "in Ireland, even attempts to establish our native communities did not pass". 'Why?'
Why?! Maybe, just maybe, because ten thousand Croats in Ireland took refuge from the Church and its Catholic mission in the native community of Croatia, running headlong from Croatian bishops, cardinals and provincials, friars, vicars and prebendaries, Vatican treaties and chapter monsignors, school religious teachers and student chaplains, clergy and ordinariates, homilies, relics, processions, monastery orgies and solemn liturgies, Catholic activists, fundamentalists, exorcists, creationists and anti-abortionists, pilgrims, young minds, clerics and televangelists, fanatics, charismatics and stigmatists, flat-earthers and family members, chapels, abbesses, visionaries, memorial services, spiritual workshops, prayer communities and Adventist palaces, Ways of the Cross, saints' corpses, walkers for life and retired prelates from the program for the protection of pedophiles.
'Why', however, to Ireland? There are two good reasons. First, traditionally conservative Dublin in traditionally Catholic Ireland, compared to Croatia, comes something like the Swedish Amsterdam. The second reason is even more self-explanatory: Ireland is simply the farthest point in the European Union that a living Croat fleeing from the Church in Croatia can reach. If Iceland, for example, had not given up on the European Union, the ships of the Icelandic Coast Guard would now be collecting exhausted, frozen Croats in the North Atlantic with fins and waterproof cases for mobile phones. And if by any chance Russia was a member of the EU, Don Josip Levakovic would today lead the Croatian Catholic Mission in the Chukotka District in the far northeast of Siberia.
In short, establishing the Croatian Catholic Mission in Dublin today is just as intelligent and promiscuous as, for example, in 1976 in the BMW Group Werk Dingolfing in Munich establishing the Basic Organization of the Union of Communists of Yugoslavia at OUR Parts and equipment. Or in 1956, to found the Municipal Committee of Buenos Aires. So, in the Yugoslav press, write friendly criticisms and analyzes like: 'Out of ten thousand Croats in Buenos Aires, the only one with the Party is Predrag Grabovac from the Yugoslav embassy. Why?'
In Dublin, in 2019, only one idea would theoretically be stupider than the Croatian Catholic Mission: the Irish branch of HDZ.
I also thought - as, after all, you too - that it was someone's successful prank when Croatian emigrants in Dublin received an invitation to the advent party of the HDZ of Ireland last winter. If, in fact, there are Croats with a sense of humor anywhere else, they are in Ireland. However, if there are Croats with a sense of humor in Ireland, the invitation to the HDZ party was not at all funny to them. Faced with very serious threats, in the Irish HDZ they quickly realized that they hate the Dublin Croats for some reason - really, what? - it's no joke.
We soon found out that HDZ Ireland was not an official HDZ branch, but - even more so - it wasn't a joke either: it was really a group of HDZ members, who are dead serious, with an evening intelligence and enthusiasm that you have to admire, really intended to gather the Croatian emigration in Dublin, harshly confronting the paranormal phenomenon from Večernjak, under the working title: 'Out of ten thousand Croats in Dublin, at the invitation for an Advent gathering, all ten thousand of the Irish HDZ fucked their mother. Why?'
Eh, why. When a person once understands why Irish Croats do not like the HDZ, when science discovers that mysterious 'some reason' for which 'out of ten thousand Croats in Dublin, there are only six hundred of them with the Church' - when the human brain one day figures out why there are no native Croats in Ireland clubs, and why out of ten thousand Irish Croats, only about fifty of them went to the elections, and only one voted for HDZ - the Croats will not have a single 'why?', and there will be no more challenges for the Croatian mind.
Only The Irish Times will wonder: 'Out of four and a half million Croats, only six hundred live in Croatia. Why?'
(portalnovosti.com)
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