The black Twitter bird flew out of the presidential cabinet, as soon as the European Union locked the door for new members. While a desperate Zaev announced early elections, and Rama said that the problem in Brussels "is not in us", the Montenegrin sovereign spread the word that there is life after Europe. From the social network, which has long been ruled by Trump and Nebojša Medojević, he told Europe to be careful what it does, because it is no longer a bride in front of which suitors stand in line. Explained to Brussels that not only their paths lead to heaven and that there are other guides to the kingdom of heaven around the world. Who are only looking for a piece of the earthly realm to drive.
The Brussels priests did not even turn to the Twitter of the raven from the left bank of Morača, and the Montenegrin sovereign was already thinking about converting to a new religion with fewer prohibitions. He walked in the Far East, watched the coronation of the Japanese emperor and dreamed of life after Europe. He laughed at all those who did not believe when he said that the European faith was dying. He remembered the media hype because of visions that one can live without Europe and that one should not kneel before Brussels. They accused him of heresy when he said that the Holy Union has no right to decide on dismissals in the sinful country of Montenegro through television councils and agencies. When he was willingly fulfilling his European obligations, his opponents begged the Brussels Saints to hit him with the balance clause. Today, they watch together as the doors of Brussels close for Balkan believers and skeptics alike. While doubts about European justice in Montenegro began to germinate, the followers of the sacred negotiating chapters thought with fear about life after Europe. They looked at the Germans with hopeful eyes, feared the Russians and feared the day when all agendas would be fulfilled in vain. Analysts cursed Macron for spoiling the European idyll like a fallen angel and driving the faithful out of an empire ruled by a cumbersome administration. Many NGO activists wondered if the grants would be distributed through closed European doors, and the mayors did not know how they would build schools and roads when there was no money from Brussels. Opponents on the brink of the census feared the day when election programs with European promises would act like smuggled movie tickets, and the administration lamented business trips. All together wondered whether the doors of the European empire will be closed after 2025 or whether the Brussels angels will continue to victimize the reformists. They waved their sticks and negotiating chapters and begged to be given one more chance, before the fire from the East consumed them. Brussels priests advised them to endure and promised that they would never give up on the region.
Like any prophet, Milo Montenegrin did not believe in false promises, but began to make plans for the days without Europe. After his unanimous re-election as party high priest in November, he was preparing to establish a dynasty in which children would succeed their parents in party and state positions. The state would help the offspring of the chosen ones who do not want to be in the administration, private affairs, as befits the good spirit of sharing. Without Brussels behind their backs, Montenegrin courts would grant indulgences to tycoons willing to help the new religion, while the state would forgive their tax debts and share jobs. In the new Montenegro, judges who renounce the European faith could remain in office until retirement without fear of constitutional restrictions. Converted prosecutors could issue fatwas for the arrest of MPs without revoking their immunity, which would be considered a relic of the backward European past. The Holy Order of the Pope of Cetinje would have the right to send to prisons based on reports from heaven and the Montenegrin talik, and folk wisdom and epic lyrics would have the weight of the Constitution. On election day, the Knights Templar from Konica and Cetinje could defend the party temples with fire and sword, and opposition heretics who still believed in Brussels would be burned in the squares. The media houses would officially renounce their faith in the EU and in front of the new saints, like billboards, repent of their former complaints to Brussels. The sins would be forgiven to all the probationers once laid on the altar of Brussels. Svetozar Depressivni would return to Budva like Moses to the promised land and continue to build, read books and spend millions on the foam of the sea. Ivica would be freed from the shackles of acting and parliamentary control, and Duško would continue to hand out apartments and permits for mini-hydroelectric plants. Young oppositionists would still plan wooden beams and stretch pies in videos, and the elections would lead to a one-party system. An empire would be established in Montenegro that the orthodox enjoy even before going to heaven.
That is why it would be better for the Brussels clergy to read the Twitter prophecies and offer the Balkans some deadline for membership. To continue with the promises of entering the European empire and in return demand reforms, even if they are false. If they listen to Macron and close the gates of heaven, the new religion will easily spread throughout the region. The Montenegrin prophet has enough apostles and Aleksandar, Mile and Hashim are just waiting to spread it in their countries.
Bonus video:
