Everything according to the list

When the corona virus officially arrived in Montenegro, my grandmother asked me what would happen to us. Nothing we haven't been through before, only now we don't have to fear a bullet but a virus. We waited for food in long lines, we saw empty shelves in stores. They survived a time when money and work were scarce and there were too many suspicious neighbors. Long live the land of closed borders and police checkpoints. Now we are just history repeating itself. And as the president said, consoling a terrified nation, there are many examples from history to look up to in these difficult times.

History began to repeat itself even before the master called to put aside political misunderstandings and divisions in difficult times. It was in vain that he reminded us of the famous ancestors who found a way to victory with unity and reason. Instead of teleporting ourselves to the XNUMXth of July Montenegro or that of Petrović, depending on our affinity, surrounded by his historical speech, we took two steps back. Right into the nineties.

We almost silently agreed to one-partyism, even though months earlier we swore by electoral reforms, Venetian commissions and European integration. In fear of the pandemic, many Montenegrins accepted without question the prescription recommending rest at home and abstinence from inconvenient questions and voting. While the president and his deputy promised that, after so many enemies, we will defeat the corona, the parliament was also placed under self-isolation measures. Fearing that the virus would not spread on the parliamentary benches, MPs were sent home on forced leave. To analyze on social networks whether the virus was created by the illuminati and record video appeals to citizens to stay at home. Journalists who the deputy president generously connected to applications for asking questions also went into quarantine.

While self-isolation among the majority in the civil sector reduced the desire to question the Government, the new virus acted as a stimulus for the prosecution and the police. The secret seer from Cetinje and the creator of the recipe for the prevention of corona devoted himself to investigations for creating panic on social networks, while envelopes and government planes had to wait for better times. After sleeping through most of his mandate, Ivica finally started to send tavern owners and drivers of full cars to prison. Investigations of illegal trips to the store and crossing the municipal border were becoming more frequent, and citizens were falling into the hands of the law like big fish from promises made to the European Commission. During that time, as noted by the first police officer of Montenegro, organized crime experienced stagnation due to the corona virus. Government measures prohibiting the grouping of more than two people reduced the chances of criminals to organize themselves.

For now, the average Montenegrin citizen is suffering the most from the government's quarantine. Terrified by layoffs and salary cuts as much as by the corona virus, many Montenegrins began to dream of drinking babies in the sun and taking pictures for Instagram. While their children follow school lectures on the Public Service, wives and mothers began to dream of the buzz of hair salons. Outfitted as Soviet soldiers in Chernobyl, the fathers bravely go shopping and walking their pets. In apocalyptic times without Delta and arcades, many began to knead bread and fall into depression. The deputy president made sure that depression did not turn into aggression and suggested the captured families to persecute their neighbors. Aware that even the greatest self-isolation will not force his electorate to read Russian classics, the deputy published lists of citizens who do not sit at home but walk in the pine forests. Under the slogan "first let's survive and then we'll talk about human rights", he called for an investigation of frivolous world travelers who don't care about the corona. Intoxicated by the spirit of the nineties, experienced nodovics brandished Stalinist manuals, while the more advanced ones were already following their neighbors like pokemons through applications. In apartments crammed with packages of flour and toilet paper, submissive citizens cursed their neighbors for looking for corona abroad and begging. The Facebook community enjoyed lectures about municipalities and peoples who are more susceptible to viruses because they rarely wash. And then the occasional attacks of fascism were collectively treated with applause for the doctors.

During that time, the Balkan autocrats made wet dreams come true by closing borders and extending curfews indefinitely. They waged the fight against corona as an election campaign, without opposition and with lots of pictures and promising statements. Thanks to the donations of athletes and businessmen, they have patched up holes in health care that are becoming increasingly difficult to ignore under the radar. As many times before, they guarded banks and business partners while silently watching the profiteers getting rich on medical alcohol and protective masks.

While the leaders argued over ventilators and opened quarantines like factories in the election campaign, the larger and quieter part of Montenegro obeyed the president and refused to return to the nineties. Instead of reading lists, they spent their excess free time volunteering and helping their neighbors. They shared what they had, without the need to get their name on the portals. They visited municipalities in quarantine, sent encouraging messages and offered help. Organized online performances and school classes, while others led the chases. Distributed bread to animals instead of poisoning them, confused by the lack of people on the streets. As long as Montenegro is here, there is hope that the new nineties will pass along with the corona. Otherwise, God help us.