For the first time since the end of the self-governing system, the Montenegrin Government has decided to ask the people how they should run the country. Without media announcements and expert vanity, through the mouth of the General Secretariat, the Government invited ordinary mortals to jointly make state decisions. The blessed people and the civil sector have been given the chance to submit a list of wishes, and the experts will do their best to fulfill them.
The malicious will say that the Government is asking the people for help before the Democratic Front evaluates it for 200 days of internship and asks for reconstruction. The politically motivated will notice that the professor-prime minister is trying to strengthen advisers and coalition partners in Nikšić and, before Budoš passes, he buries acquaintances from his student days and Vučić's operatives. Analysts raised on head grants and sandwiches will conclude that the people have as much chance of writing the Government's work program as they did with the blissfully rested state-building coalition.
And in the new work plan of the Government, the immunization agenda should first be changed, before all the vaccines requested from China to Brussels finally arrive in Montenegro. In order to relax the health system, vaccination should be carried out in party premises instead of health centers. The party leaders responsible for procuring vaccines from Serbia would pelt the voters who, until yesterday, did not care about the pandemic as much as they did about the 5G network. Those for whom Belgrade's gifts cause increased pressure and a feeling of nausea, would only receive vaccines from donations from tycoons and friends of the father of the nation. The expert team of the Institute for Public Health would monitor that the vaccination does not cause side effects in Nikšić or cause a decline in national immunity.
While waiting for an opinion from Venice on the prosecutor's laws, the government could also form a special negotiating team for the Cetinje Tajnovidac. Experts in wish fulfillment and political trading, they would interpret Katnić's requests and try to solve the hostage crisis without major casualties in the prosecution. If they persuade the Special Officer not to wear the Nobel invention and leave the office peacefully, a similar negotiation model could be applied to the retirement of influential policemen or the recall of ambassadors. In case the ambassadors continue to keep the seals and keys, the Government would occupy the diplomatic missions in sabotage actions of career diplomats and secretaries eager for advancement.
In order to pay off foreign loans faster, the Government could turn the state vehicle fleet into a taxi service. Following the example of Podgorica's Komš, which is ready to drive only older clientele, Majbahtrans should be established at the state level, which would drive citizens to weddings, proms or bachelor parties for a decent price. Citizens with less spending power could rent ministerial Mercedes and Audis, which were used for pre-election tours of the grounds.
In order not to wait idly for the reconstruction, the prime minister could devise new tasks for his closest collaborators. With the coordination of the Secret Service, Dritan could cover the vice presidential post for Twitter and good news. Between tours of olive groves and receptions for influential businessmen, the vice-prime minister would daily threaten arrests, announce investments and red weather alarms on domestic portals and regional televisions. His public appearances would also have a financial effect if citizens could bet on when Twitter announcements of arrests would turn into hearings or end up as informational conversations.
In order to strengthen international cooperation, the Government could organize an Open Day for influential ambassadors once a week. On Mondays, foreign diplomats would give ministers their work duties, and on Fridays they would send them draft laws and appointments for interim evaluation. This would speed up the work of the Government and save the Parliament from canceling extraordinary sessions.
Innovations are also needed by the opposition, which, to begin with, could form a research team to hunt down ministers in gyms and bars. While they are waiting for the hearings of the ministers, they could form an inquiry committee for donations from Serbia, in which they would check whether Ana Brnabić smuggled Branka Milić on the government plane or left Božović to wait illegally for the thawing of relations with Podgorica. An independent parliamentary body would also investigate whether Vučić, along with vaccines, sent a package for allies in Nikšić or reserved a ticket for the Budva filiosophist to return from Belgrade. In the meantime, the former vice presidents would teach the young successors that keeping silent on TV duels and beating cities does not bring the party back from the dead. The father of the nation would check the list of godfathers, before another one turns into a witness, collaborator or analyst of the results of the former government in front of the cameras.
And citizens with a lack of work obligations and an excess of ideas can try to stab their desire. Maybe they will get their wish that the Government does not elect a police director like Miss Banje Koviljača or that it patches up the judicial network with willing opposition members. With it, they might pull out some kind of evil fish fattened by decade-long corruption. And when they prepare that fish according to the spuja recipe and serve it to the voters, they can offer them religious education or dual citizenship for dessert.
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