A shot in the night

If there was a world championship, or at least a national championship in that discipline - shooting oneself in the knee with a small-caliber weapon - HDZ would take all the medals ever, both as a team and individually. No one would ever have the slightest chance against the famous HDZ sharpshooters, who have been persistently shooting themselves in the knees ever since, in that bizarre episode before the first multi-party elections in 1990, at the HDZ rally in Benkovac, one of the founders of the party, Petar Šale, was called , on the lectern waved a pistol with which the local Serbs allegedly intended to kill Franjo Tuđman: so armed, first a month later in Branimir Glavaš's apartment, he played with a pistol and shot himself in the leg, and then in 1992 in the hinterland of Zadar - visiting the battlefield as the head of the Crisis Staff - one more time, just in case, I shot myself in the knee with a pistol.

All since then, I said, the HDZ has been persistently, for thirty years now, shooting itself in the knees: there is blood, um, up to the knees, in the party headquarters and around the building there is an incalculable pile of shell casings of all calibers, the square of victims of fascism is echoed by burst and sporadic fire mixed with with the painful wailing, wailing and wailing of emergency sirens, random passers-by hide in the buildings in fear, and neighbors from the neighborhood go around the Mosque and go home, from Martićeva, so as not to be hit by a stray bullet. The assurances from the HDZ that there is no stray ammunition in them, and that in all thirty years, none of their bullets have missed a knee, are in vain.

The skill of shooting one's own knee in the HDZ is, namely, learned from, um, short legs and transmitted, um, from generation to generation. Here is just the last example, the president of the Student Union of the University of Zagreb, Mihovil Mioković, a promising junior member of the HDZ youth group, who became famous the other day by boasting that Rector Damir Boras "often comes to him and tells him how well he looks and that he looks really nice": nice the little HDZ's Skojevic, from Skoroje, whatever, spent the money of the Student Union - all according to the PS, the Party Rules - on unfathomable things: in the last two years, he squandered almost a hundred thousand euros on mobile phones, laptops, umbrellas, coffee machines , professional cameras, two gun safes and one individual communication training for yourself. And then what did he do, the rector's and Plenković's gold? All published publicly on their own Facebook! "Transparent", all invoices down to the last, item by item. Shot himself in the knee with a Kalashnikov.

Mihovil was still screaming in pain with a semi-automatic rifle in his hand when his party colleagues burst into the room, blood from his cracked and crushed knees in the rapids was dripping down the stairs of the building on the Square of Victims of Fascism, and the party veterans looked at young Mihovil with admiration: even the famous Petar Šale was not even up to his knees at his age. And the "independent media" singled out the gun safe paid for five thousand kunas as the most bizarre detail from Mihovil's outburst: what will a five thousand kuna gun safe do to the president of the Student Union?

Why does he need a gun safe?! For someone who so spectacularly shoots himself in the knee, I know of nothing more necessary than a good gun safe!

The unfortunate young HDZ member - I guess because of the waste of ammunition, I don't know what else could be the reason - will soon be expelled from the party, but there is still hope for him. He is a serious talent in self-injury with a firearm, although a little youthfully playful and arrogant - who normally shoots himself in the knee with a Kalashnikov? - and HDZ should not give up on him so easily. One day, if dear God gives him wisdom, health, new knees, a small-caliber pistol and a steady hand, Mihovil will perhaps be at the head of the HDZ. Like the experienced old shooter Andrej Plenković, who once shot himself magnificently at a press conference on the occasion of the final decision of the Supreme Court, which in the case of former Prime Minister Ivo Sanader and the famous "Fimi Media affair" legally labeled as a legal entity guilty - sorry, "responsible" - and HDZ.

"As the president of the party, I refuse responsibility for the actions of an individual that took place from 2004 to 2009," said Plenković, so masterfully - are you following, Mihovil? - turned the verdict in his favor: "Considering the numerous comments we had the opportunity to listen to, where there were arguments that the Croatian judiciary is actually the judiciary of HDZ and various other nebulae, today's decision of the Supreme Court is proof that HDZ's judiciary does not exist . If there is even one example that dispels that thesis, it is today's decision. Numerous incorrect claims about HDZ's influence on the judiciary today turned out to be platitudes and cheap opposition to HDZ!"

In the best tradition of the HDZ, Plenković thus presented the final verdict for organized crime and extracting state money as material proof of HDZ's honesty. Stand up, Francis, and bow down!

Applause and ovations for the prime minister were interrupted only by a third-rate Novosti columnist, who asked Plenković what he was holding in his right hand all the time and where the red spot on his legs came from. To which Plenković raised his gun with his right hand and felt his knee with his left, and answered in a sarcastic manner: "It looks like it's blood." When asked why on earth he shot himself in the knee out of sheer calmness, the prime minister answered with a sarcastic counter-question: "What do you mean?"

Well, let's say this: if the verdict of the Supreme Court, by which HDZ was declared responsible for crime, is really "proof that HDZ's judiciary does not exist" - if thereby "numerous incorrect claims about HDZ's influence on the judiciary were shown to be platitudes and cheap opposition to HDZ -u" - does this mean that every previous court decision in favor of HDZ and influential HDZ members was proof that HDZ's judiciary still existed all along? That is - much more important - does this mean that any future court decision in favor of HDZ and influential HDZ members will be proof that HDZ's judiciary still exists today, and that those, as they are called, "claims about HDZ's influence to the judiciary" were not just "plagues and cheap opposition to the HDZ"?

To which Prime Minister Plenković clearly answered with a šeret counter-question: "What do you mean?"

Well, let's put it this way: what if, after the decision of the Supreme Court, the HDZ reaches for some other legal remedy, and against the verdict, I speak from memory, file a lawsuit before the Constitutional Court? And indeed: to the next question at the press conference - "will the party take any legal steps?" - the HDZ president coldly stated that, and I am quoting now, "after studying the verdict, the possibility of resorting to other legal remedies, including a constitutional lawsuit, is open."

Boom, boom! Olympic precision, in both knees! Look, Michael, and learn.

For example: if the HDZ is thinking of filing a lawsuit against the verdict before the Constitutional Court - and as we can see, they are thinking - does that mean that they believe that the judiciary is theirs after all? If it doesn't mean, then how does the rich Supreme Court ruling mean it doesn't?

For example: if in the end they don't file a constitutional lawsuit, will that mean that the HDZ still accepts "responsibility for the actions of an individual that took place from 2004 to 2009"? If they won't, why don't they file a constitutional complaint?

For example: if they actually file a constitutional lawsuit, and the Constitutional Court confirms the verdict, will that at least - along with, clearly, the proof that "there is no HDZ judiciary" - mean that in the HDZ they still accept the, as it is called, " responsibility for individual actions blah blah blah"? If they won't, then why would they file a constitutional complaint at all? Is it really just to cancel the verdict of the Supreme Court?

Because, if - for example - the Constitutional Court in the end really cancels the verdict and frees the HDZ from responsibility, will that be the final and crowning proof that the HDZ's judiciary still exists, and that the "assertions about HDZ's influence on the judiciary" are correct? If, in fact, they won't, then how did the rich Supreme Court ruling mean that they didn't?

Everything is covered, clean lose-lose the situation. "The decision of the Supreme Court is proof that HDZ's judiciary does not exist" - "The possibility of resorting to a constitutional lawsuit is open." Masterful, boom-boom! Just two shots.

Look, Michael, and learn! You don't shoot yourself in the leg with a semi-automatic weapon, but with a lady's small-caliber pistol, surgically accurate, and relaxed and casual, like from Šala. A lot of blood, a little damage: both knees are shot, and the prime minister is firmly on his feet, never better.

He is practically bursting with health. In both knees.

(portalnovosti.com)