Serbian Athens

Serbian history, you understood, like the life of Zerina Hećo, is one big reality show marked by countless scandals, but everything will change when the Srebrenica Municipal Assembly "changes that name to someone else", let's say, why not, in - Athens

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Photo: Shutterstock
Photo: Shutterstock
Disclaimer: The translations are mostly done through AI translator and might not be 100% accurate.

A gorgeous, gorgeous mother, how did we not think of that before!

This is how the President of the Republic of Serbia Aleksandar Vučić reacted when Milorad Dodik conveyed this revolutionary idea to him, this is how the President of the Republic of Srpska reacted when he heard it for the first time from Mladen Grujicić, this is how the mayor of Srebrenica reacted when she brought it to his office a group of several thousand citizens, this is how a group of several thousand citizens reacted when Sava Pink presented this idea to them: upickubrelepumaterina, how could we not have thought of that before!

Now, well, that sounds so simple and self-explanatory, now it seems that the solution was imposed by itself, the first thing that comes to mind in such a situation, but hey: behind it stands the entire historical experience of a nation, generations of Serbs have passed on the living the torch of folk wisdom from knee to knee, shoulder to shoulder and stone from shoulder, before with a loud curse it came to the mind of Sava Pink from Srebrenica, while he was watching the live broadcast of the vote of the United Nations General Assembly on the Resolution on the Srebrenica Genocide, consulting on that topic with Kurir and Informer on his coffee table.

A gorgeous, gorgeous mother, how could I not have remembered that before: for God's sake, Zerina Hećo!

What does Zerina Hećo have to do with Zerina Hećo, who is Zerina Hećo anyway, you ask yourself, as did Sava's colleagues from the Historical All-Serbian Assembly of the Serbian People as a Whole, who also gathered that morning for a session on the crates of Jelen piva in front of a local granapist, to discuss the latest historical topics and dilemmas of the Serbian people and their painful history as such, with a bottle of industrial solvent based on sljivovica. Eh, who is Zerina Hećo! So that you don't know who Zerina Hećo is, that's the point of Zerina Hećo as such.

Zerina Hećo is a former participant of the reality TV shows Happy and Pink, about which you, of course, have no idea, because you are sick of contemporary Serbian history and because you know nothing about it. And Zerina Hećo's life was like the history of the Serbs, marked by countless scandals, that starlet in the reality show Couples slept with Ivan Marinković, the ex-husband of Goca Tržan, and started a relationship with ex-footballer Nikola Lakić, and in the reality show Zadruga she had stormy romances with Vladimir Todorović and Vladimir Tomović, because of which she shaved her head to the horror of the other participants of the reality show and the whole nation, and eventually she was the lover of the singer Dada Glišić, publicly saying how he beat her and how she miscarried their child: her whole life, in short, was a sulfur spa Sodoma and Gomora spa and wellness reality resort, until one day she decided that she had enough labels attached to her name, so she decided to turn over a new leaf.

And how did Zerina Hećo turn over a new leaf, how did she imagine getting rid of the labels attached to her name? So that she nicely went to the municipality and changed her name to - Athens!

And what? Ever since she turned over the new baptismal certificate, what can I tell you, things started to go right: she married a rich Greek, Carlos Kandola, who bought her a million-euro villa, and ever since, Atina Kandola has been living happily ever after in silk and velvet.

Sorry, life.

You, of course, just like Sava's fellow delegates of the Historical All-Serbian Assembly of the Serbian People as a whole in front of the Srebrenica granap, still did not understand what it has to do with the United Nations Resolution on the genocide in Srebrenica, but that is because you do not have Sava's centuries-old historical experience . Just as Atina Kandola could not change her turbulent history, neither can the Serbs, he explained: we may not be able to change the outcome of the war in Srebrenica or the outcome of the vote in the United Nations General Assembly, we may not be able to change either the text of the Resolution on the genocide in Srebrenica nor its name, but we can change the name - Srebrenica!

When, you understand, Srebrenica would no longer be called by that name, people, reading the Resolution on the Genocide in Srebrenica, would ask themselves what, as you said, Srebrenica has to do with where and what Srebrenica is, just like you, Gentlemen, today you are asking what Zerina Hećo has to do with it and who is Zerina Hećo anyway!

Upickubrelepumaterina, how come we didn't think of that before!, shouted the peasants gathered at the session of the Historical All-Serbian Assembly of the Serbian People as a whole, and with that idea they stormed into the office of the head of Srebrenica, Mladen Grujičić. Upickubrelepumaterina, how did we not think of that before!, Grujičić slapped himself on the forehead - "Srebrenica has been desecrated by this Resolution, and its name has been smeared and put on the list of undesirable places to live and invest, which we do not want to allow," he then told Republic Television Srpska - so he conveyed the idea to the President of the Republic of Srpska, Milorad Dodik.

Upickubrelepumaterina, how come we didn't think of that before!, modest Dodik then slapped himself on the forehead, then admitted to Serbian TV Prva that the genius idea came from the citizens of Srebrenica, "who are fed up with the labels attached to that toponym": "I think that people have the right to express themselves about it. According to the procedure determined by the law, if the Srebrenica Municipal Assembly makes a decision to change that name to another one, then the Republika Srpska will pass the law and declare it valid."

Serbian history, you understood, like the life of Zerina Hećo, is one big reality show marked by countless scandals, but everything will change when the Srebrenica Municipality Assembly "changes that name to someone else", let's say, why not, to Athens.

Overnight, little Athens near Bratunac will become one of the world's most desirable, yes, "places to live and invest", as tomorrow the Television of Republika Srpska will report that the delegation of the European Commission was in Athens to conduct the last formal negotiations on financing with Mayor Grujičić. of municipal projects for a total of twenty billion euros, the amount that Athens is expected to withdraw from European Union funds by August 2026, tourists from all over the world will flock to see the Necropolis and the ruins of the famous Athenian spa Guber, a small municipality in Podrinje will earn five billion from tourism alone euros per year, and will live happily ever after in silk and velvet.

Sorry, history.

And genocide? We have no idea what you are talking about, there was never any genocide in Athens, unless you are referring to the campaign of Xerxes' Persian Ustashes against the bare hands of Athens, in which case congratulations, it's nice that you also remembered the Serbs after two and a half thousand years.

As for Srebrenik, it is in the Tuzla Canton, so ask there, we have nothing to do with it. What, it's not Srebrenik but Srebrenica?, the Athenians will be surprised, they've never heard of that, as you said, Srebrenica, maybe you should ask Sava Pink over there in front of the granap, he reads Informer and knows everything.

Then everything will go like clockwork. When Srebrenica changes its name, it will be stupid for the actors of the turbulent history of Athens to remain under their "desecrated" and "clothed" names, with all the "labels attached" to their names. Ratko Mladić could be, I know, Mirko Aristid, Vujadin Popović could be called Miltijadin, Radislav Krstić Alkibijadislav, Zdravko Tolimir, let's say, Temistoklimir, and Radovan Karadžić could be called, now I'm speaking from memory, David. Okay, come on, Dragan David. Milorad Dodik will be, of course, Mile Dodikle - yes, I apologize, Mile Perikle, listen to me, Dodikle! - and only Alexander V will leave his name in the end, because, as you have understood by now, he is the only one big enough to carry the labels associated with the name of Alexander the Great.

And Srebrenica? The place where, according to legends, oral tradition and some apocryphal resolutions, the genocide against the Bosniaks allegedly took place, will be the target of countless budding researchers from then on: thousands of amateur archaeologists will dig in the Republic of Disneyland in search of the scene of the mythical genocide, and there will be those who will claim that Srebrenica is not at all in Bosnia and Herzegovina and that it was most likely located in Rwanda, and Croatian historian Igor Vukić will present evidence that the mythical Srebrenica was located on the Sava and that the Serbian genocide against Bosniaks actually took place in Jasenovac.

The Athenians will say then, how come we didn't think of that before!


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(Opinions and views published in the "Columns" section are not necessarily the views of the "Vijesti" editorial office.)