About my mother, church and God

"The biggest problem of this people is that they believe more in the church than in God. If he sincerely believed in God, he would not have set foot in a church like this." ATHEISTS - for a secular society

This post reminded me once again of my mother Rada, a sincere and unwavering believer. Her belief, I would later find out, was much more than regular church attendance, strict observance of fasting, obligatory evening prayers, even a small, blue Bible in which she placed photos of me, her family. My mother, I will understand only in my later years, drew her faith from a constant dialogue with God. In those conversations, she sought and found her way and the strength to walk through the pathlessness of worldly life in accordance with her convictions, moral principles, with daily questioning and the fear of offending people somewhere. And oh God.

She rarely talked about her relationship with God. It was her deepest intimacy, into which she rarely allowed even me, and reluctantly, to peek. That's why for a long time it was not entirely clear to me how she understood that she should not, at any cost, force anyone, not even her own son, into the church and religion. Rada's mother never said that, but I will understand it in time, she sincerely believed that I had to find my own way in life, even to God, without anyone's help or coercion. Even when she realized that in that step through worldly and spiritual virtues I went in a different direction, it did not shake her faith in me. And in God.

One of my great fears, even the fear that writing about the "Pachomia Affair" would not come between me, my mother and God, will prove to be completely unfounded. For quite a long time, while the scandalous pictures about the pedophilia of a high church dignitary were lined up, Rada's mother just kept silent, and I didn't dare to start a conversation on that topic. Then, one day, suddenly, she just quietly asked me:

- Son, is this true?

- Yes, mother.

And that's where all our conversation on this topic ended.

It was only a little later that I noticed that he was no longer going to the Cathedral of St. Trojica, where Bishop Pahomija most often acted. For her prayers, she chose the Church of Saint Petka, better known as the "crossed mosque", a little further from the city center.

She never told me, but I honestly believe that she made this difficult decision in a conversation and agreement with God.