My mom was at school for the reception. She sat down at the table in the assembly hall with that teacher Smilja. Teacher Smilja was showing my grades to my mom from the diary. Mom put her elbows on the table and covered her face with both hands. Plus she kept muttering: "He's so hard to get... he's so hard to get..." The teacher frowned and shook her head. Then mom asked her: "Why is he drinking this A from the government?" Teacher Smilja said: "And that's because of the one in the toilet!" Mom was surprised: "Which one in the toilet?" Teacher asked: "Didn't Robi say anything outside?" Mom said: "Can we talk to you?" The teacher said: "Can we... Didn't Robi say anything to you?" Mom said: "No!" Teacher Smilja said: "I ran into the men's bathroom at school and caught Robi, Dino, and Kanu Štetu scribbling on the wall with felt-tip pens!" Mom asked: "What were they scribbling on? Swastikas?" The teacher said: "What else! You don't even need to ask..."
Mom buried her face in her hands again and whimpered: "It's so hard..." Teacher said: "I had no choice! I had to envy him!" Mom sighed heavily. Then she raised her head and asked: "And what were you doing in the men's restroom, Smilja?" The teacher was confused. Then she asked: "What do you mean?" Mom said: "That's a good idea - what were you doing in the men's restroom?" Teacher Smilja said: "Well, I come in every now and then, you fuck! Because the little pantags in there are either smoking, or drawing swastikas, or doing some other dirty thing!" Mom asked: "And how often is that, every now and then?" Teacher said: "Every day, my God! Sometimes two or three times! Do you think it's easy to keep an eye on that horde?" Mom said: "Okay, good to know..." Teacher Smilja asked: "Why are you questioning me?" Mom said: "So I know how to ask the right question on Facebook!" The teacher rushed in again, without hesitation: "On Facebook? What kind of question?" Mom raised her chin and recited: "Why does the third-grade teacher, which my nine-year-old son goes to, go into the boys' school bathroom every day?... Sometimes two or three times!"
Teacher Smilja stared at her mother with her mouth open. Mom looked her straight in the eyes and pursed her lips. Then the teacher shouted: "What do you think I'm doing in the men's restroom, you little girl?!" Mom said: "I don't have a clue! I'll just ask a question on Facebook, let's see what public opinion thinks!" The teacher shouted: "What public opinion?! I know exactly what the mob is going to shit on Facebook!" Mom asked: "What's the point?" The teacher shouted: "Shit, I wish I was a pedophile! If I went into the men's restroom just to look at dicks! I could even lose my job!" Mom said: "That would be really awkward... But I have nothing to do with that, my dear!" The teacher growled: "You don't have a dick! Social media is worse for teachers than Hitler was for Jews!" Mom said: "I'll just ask a logic question on Facebook..." Uča chirped: "Do you still want to?" Mom said: "Right tonight! As soon as I get home from the reception!"
Teacher Smilja stared at her mother again with her mouth open. Mom looked her straight in the eyes. Then the teacher asked: "Why are you doing this, you bastard?" Mom said: "Do you know why? Because there are seven million and seven hundred and seventy thousand swastikas on the walls of this country! And my Robi only drinks a glass of water because he drew one on the toilet wall! That's why!" The teacher growled: "You should have thought of that when you raised him like that..." Mom shouted: "I raised him like that?! And how are the schools, the church and this society raising him, huh? The Ustashas are in the government, you fucking idiot! The priests are holding masses for Pavelić! The whole of Croatia is shouting Ready for home, and only my little one will be punished!" Teacher Smilja was silent. Mom yelled: "What's up Croatia, what a bitch! They Trump thinks that Greenland is his men's toilet! He goes inside, pisses and draws a swastika on the wall! And? Does he have an ace from governing?"
Uča said: "It's not my fault for the situation in the world..." Mom shouted: "You're not, you just skipped out on Thompson's concert at Gripe, and tomorrow you'll give a little kid an A for glorifying fascism!" Uča chirped: "Me?!" Mom pointed with her index finger: "Don't be pissed that you weren't there! My neighbor Šegvićka saw you!" Uča stuttered: "No way, that's it, my friend had a surplus card..." Mom said: "Šegvićka says you shook your tits well in a black Hos T-shirt! Plus, you could also include that in a question on Facebook..." Teacher Smilja fell silent again and stared at her mom. Mom looked her straight in the eyes. Then Uča leaned over and asked her: "What do you suggest?" Mom said: "Like this! When I get home, I'll punish that little degenerate by giving him three good sand fights! Maybe even four! And you'll immediately erase the ace from his record!" Teacher Smilja said: "Agreed! Erase the ace right away!" Mom said: "Fine! Oh my God!"
Then mom got up from the chair to move. Then she turned to the door and said: "There's just one little detail that doesn't quite click..." Uča asked: "What little detail?" Mom said: "I saw Dino's mother in the assembly hall a while ago! She was all happy, because her little guy only got one A!" Uča said: "Oh, yes, Dino has improved a lot..." Mom said: "And that's in wrestling!" Teacher Smilja blushed. Mom said: "What does it mean that there are no A's in behavior, right?" Uča frowned like a snot. Mom said: "And I bet even the mother of Kane Šteta will tell me that those imbeciles of hers didn't get a negative grade..." Uča lowered her head and stared at the parquet floor. Mom said: "And now I wonder - if three kids drew swastikas in the toilet, why is Robi the only one who got an A?" Teacher Smilja shrugged and said, "Because it's just his likeness on the five-pointed star!"
Robbie K. (IIIa)
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