My grandfather from Šolta took the ferry to our home in Split. Grandpa got down to the pier and looked out at the sea. Sailboats and small boats were bobbing on the sea. Plus, there was a speedboat. Then the loudspeaker on the ferry said: “Dear passengers! We will soon be sailing into the port of Split! Please prepare your passports and travel permits! And also your luggage for customs control! Thank you very much!” Then Grandpa’s friend, Grandpa Tonino, patted Grandpa on the shoulder. He said to him: “I can’t go on, mom! We’ve only just set sail, and you’re already asleep!” Grandpa asked: “How far have we come?” Grandpa Tonino said: “We haven’t even made it a quarter of the way across the canal yet! And you’re snoring like crazy!” Grandpa asked: “What’s wrong with me sleeping?” Barba Tonino said: “I'm bored, man! I got on the ferry with my friend, and then I'm wide awake! That's a total disaster!” Dida said: “Oh my god! Last night I stayed up late reading Capital, and now I'm running out of energy!” Barba Tonino said: “Hey, hey, concentrate a bit…” Dida said: “Okay, no worries!” Three sailboats and two small boats could be seen through the fog.
Plus, the catamaran to Hvar was also smoking. Then the loudspeaker on the ferry said: “Dear passengers! Please, upon entering the port of Split, residents of the European Union should head towards the left exit, and Serbs, Jews, Gypsies and communists towards the right! Be very careful not to screw up, because if anyone comes to the wrong exit, they will be severely punished! Thank you very much!” Then old man Tonino patted Dida on the shoulder and said: “You again! You snore like a concrete mixer, my God! The whole ship is laughing at you!” Dida said: “And the fucking mouse is sinking! This southern wind is going to blow me away!” Old man Tonino said: “I’ll go get us some coffee! That’ll wake you up a bit!” Old man Tonino said: “You can bring me a double!” Old man Tonino asked: “How about with whipped cream?” Dida said: “Without!” Then old man Tonino walked over to the bar. Then the loudspeaker on the ferry said: “Dear passengers! At the bar of the ship's café, along with refreshing and hot drinks, you can buy plastic figurines of King Tomislav at a good price! Buying is not mandatory, but the customs officers at the exit will ask you if you have one! If you don't have one, fuck off! Thank you very much!” Barba Tonino slammed his fist on the table and said: “Here it is, double! Shake it to come to your senses!” Dida asked: “Did you also get a figurine of King Tomislav?” Barba Tonino grinned: “Molin? Who is King Tomislav?” Dida said: “I don't have one! I only know his name and title!” Barba Tonino shook his head: “You're tired, you little rascal…”
Then Aunt Perina from Grohote came to their table. She asked: “Have you seen the yellow ribbon from my Tajana?” Grandpa Tonino asked: “What ribbon?” Grandpa asked: “Which Tajana?” Aunt Perina screamed: “It’s from Tajana, my granddaughter! She lost her yellow ribbon and I can’t find it anywhere, I’ve been looking for it all over the ferry! And I’ve told her a hundred times not to take it off your sleeve, you idiot, and she’s saying it’s a sore, it’s a scratch! And what now that there’s a patrol in the port without a yellow ribbon? They’ll call us on Katalinić’s brig any second! And who knows where they’ll end up!” Then Grandpa Tonino turned to Grandpa and shouted: “You fucking motherfucker!” Grandpa rushed in confused: “What happened now?” Barba Tonino shouted: "You dragged me into your dream, you piece of shit! The dream knows exactly how to drag me into your dream! You fucking motherfucker!" Dida spread his arms: "Well, don't do it like that..." Barba Tonino shouted: "This is the last time in my life that I'll let you on the ferry! Can you hear me?!" Dida said: "Okay, Tonino, it's not my fault..."
Then something flew past the frosted glass and there was a "splatshhhh" sound.
Barba Tonino raised his eyebrows: "What is this?" Dida shrugged her shoulders: "I'm not gentle!" Then again, something flew past the bottom and there was a sound of fright. Barba Tonino said: "Muko iruduva..." Dida said: "For the blessed lady..." Then from the loudspeaker on the ferry was heard: "Dear passengers! The commander of the illegal unit of the People's Liberation Army is speaking! We have just snatched this vessel from the hands of the hated enemy! The captain and the nostromo might have rushed into the sea at the same time! We will spare the crew! Now we are changing course and turning towards Vis, where the ferry is free territory and our supreme headquarters! We wish you a pleasant ride!" Then Barba tapped Tonino on the shoulder. Dida flinched and asked: "Have we reached Vis?" Barba Tonino said: "What Vis, papan? We've sailed into Split! Get up, sleepyhead, we're moving out!"
Me, mom, and dad were waiting for grandpa at the ferry port. I waved to him as soon as I saw him. When grandpa arrived, mom said to him: “Welcome, little one!” Grandpa stared at me and asked: “Why are you in a black uniform, little one?” Dad said: “Our Robi was accepted into the Ustasha youth this morning!” Mom said: “Cili is happy and proud! He took the oath, and he also got a badge with a capital U on the side of the uniform!” Grandpa said: “Oh, good! Luckily, Tonino will wake me up now!” Me, mom, and dad said: “Oh, fuck!”
Robbie K. (IIIa)
(Sandstone)
Bonus video:
