Contaminated Croatia

(N1 Croatia)

- Hello, is this Boris Dežulović's column on the N1 portal?

- Yes, good afternoon, please?

- It's me, Dežulović. Prime Minister. Andrej Plenković.

- You again?! What good thing this time?

- I came to strongly protest your latest column.

- Mr. Plenković, if you had something to say, you could have said it in that column. Instead, you ran away from it headlong, without any consideration.

- No, I don't mean that column, but this one.

- This one now?!

- Yes.

- You're protesting this column, and you still don't even know what it's about?

- Oh, of course I know, it's clear from the title. "Contaminated Croatia"Please.

- What do you find controversial in this column?

- It is controversial that you write about, I quote, "contaminated land" and "HDZ's toxic imports from Slovenia", which will "poison and is already poisoning entire generations of Croats."

- That's true, of course, but it's actually you who's saying it.

- And?!

- Check it out. Here, a few lines above, you see where I ask, "what is controversial in this column?", and you answer: "What is controversial is what you write about, I quote, 'contaminated land' and 'HDZ's toxic imports from Slovenia', which will 'poison even now' 'poisoning entire generations of Croats'.

- Mr. Dežulović, this time you won't get away with it. metatextual quirks! You mean to say that you don't think that "disposal of toxic materials from Slovenia..."

- ...instead of a civilizational one, it has become the ultimate ideological question? How is Croatia an irreversibly contaminated country and how will HDZ's toxic imports poison and are already poisoning entire generations of Croats? Of course I think so.

- You see, I told you that you wrote it yourself! And who screwed whom over postmodern metatextuality? Now tell me, how exactly do you see that as "HDZ-ov uvoz"?

- You sponsored those trucks, for God's sake!

- Us?! But HDZ has nothing to do with it! Mr. Dežulović, if someone broke the law, there are laws for that. institutions of the rule of law, not newspaper columns and pamphlets. If there were irregularities in the handling of the convoy from Slovenia, if the cargo was imported without valid documentation and without checking its origin, someone will be held accountable before the courts of the Republic of Croatia, and Not in front of you, Dežulović!

- Without documentation and without checking the origin?! Literally every one was imported from Slovenia without paperwork and verification of origin! You don't even know what was in those trucks, whose cargo you then buried coldly in Croatia!

- I don't know?! Why should I know that? I am the Prime Minister, and by importing and disposing of garbage and toxic waste from Slovenia The departments and services responsible for this are dealing with it.

- Whoa! Imported garbage and toxic waste? Even I would never call it imported garbage and toxic waste.

- Because I call things by their right names, Dežulović.

- Garbage and waste?

- Garbage and waste, yes, I have no problem calling it garbage and waste. But I have a problem when you and your ilk call it "HDZ imports" and waste disposal you are packing into a leftist agenda for the overthrow of this Government and that, as you said, "ideological issue". And I especially have a problem when, before any inspection and court proceedings and before any environmental impact study, you accuse us of like great patriots We are polluting our own land and poisoning future generations.

- But your minister buried it in the ground by literally standing still during the Croatian anthem, calling the whole thing "a dignified burial", and "a humanitarian and civilizational act"!

- I don't understand, is this some kind of metatextual parable again or what?

- No, no, here's the news from Hina, I quote: "'This is above all a humanitarian and civilizing act because every victim deserves a dignified burial', said the Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Croatian Veterans Affairs Tomo Medved at the burial of the remains of five hundred Croatian victims of World War II exhumed in the Republic of Slovenia..."

- Wait, wait, what kind of Croatian victims are there now...?

- Croatian victims from 1945, who were brought by truck from Slovenia last week and buried in Croatia, in Donji Macelj, don't play dumb, Plenković.

- This is a misunderstanding, aren't we talking about waste that was brought in by truck from Slovenia...?

- Mr. Plenković, please Croatian victims of World War II Stop calling it trash. It's not nice.

- Oh no, no, you're not going to trick me! Now you've suddenly twisted the story and turned it around on Croatian soldiers from 1945!

- But I'm not at all. I talk about... all the time.

- No, no, no, no! Here it is, just a moment to find where you are talking... here it is: "disposal of toxic content from Slovenia instead of civilization has become the ultimate ideological issue", "Croatia is an irreversibly contaminated country", "HDZ's toxic imports will poison even now poisoning entire generations of Croats". Those are your words, Dežulović!

- Of course. And they refer to the far-reaching damage caused by the glorification of the defeated Ustasha army from World War II.

- Don't worry, you were also talking about papers, origins...

- Exactly. Besides, you yourself have no idea whose remains these are. There is no forensic documentation, and among those exhumed in Slovenia were German soldiers, even Chetniks.

- You mean you were thinking about... the whole time?

- All the time.

- Fax.

- Yes.

- What a stupid misunderstanding! And I thought you meant this one Garbage affair in Gospić!

- Really, Mr. Plenković? It seems to me that you now suddenly want to twist the story and turn it to the waste affair in Lika.

- Don't be ridiculous.

- No, no, no, no! Here it is, just a moment to find where you are talking... here it is: "If there were irregularities in the handling of the cargo from Slovenia, if it was imported without valid documentation and without checking its origin, someone will be held accountable before the courts of the Republic of Croatia, not before you, Dežulović!" As far as I can see you don't mention it anywhere Gospić or Lika.

- But I...

- And also: "I am the Prime Minister, and the import and disposal of garbage and toxic waste from Slovenia are handled by the departments and services responsible for that."

- Okay, now...

- And also: "I have no problem with that." to call trash and garbage", but I have a problem when you and your ilk call it 'HDZ's import'"...

- Okay, I got it!

- As you can see, it turns out...

- Okay, Dežulović, I know very well what's going on.

- ...that you called the unidentified soldiers from 1945 buried in Donji Macelj "garbage and toxic waste".

- I say, I understand! There's really no need for this..

- I apologize.

- Now that I look at it this way, it's quite awkward...

- So what are we going to do?

- Give me a moment to think..

- Of course.

- Tell me, is there any possibility that we can come to an agreement and that this column will somehow...?

- Stop it? I'm sorry, it's already been posted.

- Excuse me? Published?! All this we've been saying? And what I'm saying now?

- Everything. Word for word, look here.

- Fuck! Fuck!

- I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to...

- ...

- Mr. Plenković, where are you, you're not going to run away again, are you?

- ...

- Plenković?

- ...

- Plenki, come back, I was kidding, I really meant the waste in Lika. I mean, hello, "Contaminated Earth"?! Films!