With an emotion that exceeded the ecstasy of Georgi Zhukov when he informed Stalin that Nazi Germany had capitulated, the sophist from Grbalje recently informed his Master of the results of a survey conducted by Ipsos Strategic Marketing for the needs of DPS, in which citizens answered, among other things, question - who is the best representative of values in Montenegro?
Gospodar, seemingly modestly, received praise from public opinion that he was more popular than some important historical figures, secretly regretting that the citizens did not like him more than Njegoš.
Njegoš, Đukanović, then Tito>>>
Đukanović: These comparisons will not mislead me>>>
After the published results, a letter of dissatisfaction was delivered to the newsroom of Vijesti, sent and signed by: Saint Peter, Prince Danilo, Marko Miljanov, King Nikola and Tito. quite neglected. As proof that they contributed more to the development of Montenegro than the current prime minister, they submitted their completed CV forms with the letter, in order to remind the citizens of their achievements.
In addition to their own, they also submitted the biography of Milo Đukanović, with which he applied for the position of president of the Basketball Association of Montenegro. The "injured" wanted to use the comparative method to show the citizens that the prime minister could hardly be more "popular" than them.
Whether it is the ruler's vanity, or perhaps something else, cannot be assessed, and therefore the biographies are published in the form in which they were submitted.
- SAINT PETER OF CETINJE
Name, surname, date and place of birth: Petar, Petrović, 8. XI 1748, Njeguši.
Nationality: Man of God.
Title: Metropolitan
Occupation: Spiritual and worldly ruler
Knowledge of foreign languages: Italian, Russian.
Computer skills: None
Work experience: I was the bishop and lord of Montenegro from 1784 to 1830. In addition to the important work of reconciling the feuding tribes and eradicating blood feuds, I achieved great military and administrative successes. In 1796, I defeated the army led by Pasha Bušatlija of Skadar twice at Krusi and Martinići. In October 1798, I passed the General Montenegrin and Mountain Code, which was amended in 1803. I also established the Administration of the Montenegrin and Mountain Court (Kuluk), which had administrative and judicial power, which laid the foundation for the construction of state bodies in Montenegro.
Traits: Wise, educated, brave.
Works: Short history of Montenegro, subsequently published Epistles.
Other: Even during my life I was called Saint. I was canonized in 1834. I enjoy great popularity among the people. Everyone is afraid of my curses.
- PRINCE DANILO
Name, surname, date and place of birth: Danilo, Petrović, 25 V 1826, Njeguši.
Nationality: Everyone says I'm Montenegrin.
Title: Prince
Occupation: Statesman
Knowledge of foreign languages: French
Computer skills: None
Work experience: I am the first Montenegrin secular ruler after Đurđ Crnojević. I ruled from 1851 to 1860; crushed pro-Turkish forces in Piperi, Bjelopavlići and Kuči; introduced artillery into the Montenegrin army and carried out its reform; implemented administrative reforms and modernized the state apparatus. In 1855, I passed the Code, which regulated social relations. I improved diplomatic relations with France. On 13 May 1858, I defeated the Turkish army at Grahovac and established the demarcation with the Ottoman Empire, which was the first step towards the recognition of Montenegro as an independent state.
Traits: Sharp, proactive, indomitable.
Acts: Code
Other: I married a Serbian woman from Trieste, Darinka Kvekić, who brought French manners to Montenegro. Unfortunately, I have no male descendants. I was a guest of the French Emperor Napoleon III.
- MARKO MILJANOV
Name, surname, date and place of birth: Marko, Popović, 1833, Medun.
Nationality: Serbian
Title: Duke
Occupation: Plumber, captain, writer.
Knowledge of foreign languages: Albanian
Computer skills: None
Work experience: At the beginning of my career, I was Prince Danilo's penman. I am a participant in the Montenegrin-Turkish war (1862) and the Great War. In 1874, I was appointed a member of the Montenegrin Senate. I carried out several important political missions among the Albanian tribes. Later, I resented Prince Nikola's way of governing, because I believed that he renounced the fight for the interests of the Serbian people. After parting with him, I returned to Kuče where I lived in seclusion.
Traits: Tenacity.
Works: Examples of bravery and heroism, Kuči tribe in folk story and song, Life and customs of Arbanas.
Other: Only in my later years did I learn to read and write, which encouraged me to dedicate myself to literary work. I performed the function of plumber during the pohara of my Kuchs.
- KING NICHOLAS
Name, surname, date and place of birth: Nikola, Petrović, 25. IX 1841, Njeguši.
Nationality: Serbian/Montenegro/Yugoslav
Title: King
Occupation: Master, writer, judge.
Knowledge of foreign languages: Russian, Italian, French, German.
Computer skills: I don't know
Work experience: I was the ruler of Montenegro from 1860 to 1916. I modernized the Montenegrin state, founded numerous educational institutions. Established diplomatic relations with all European courts. After the Great War in 1878, I brought independence to Montenegro. I reorganized the Montenegrin army and established state institutions. During my reign, Montenegro was in the center of attention of the great powers. I built roads, raised cities. I also initiated the Balkan Wars, where a large number of our soldiers died, but Montenegro gained territorial expansion and gained a larger area than it has today. I led my country in the First World War until 1916. After that I rested in France and Italy.
Traits: Cunning, perceptive, educated.
Works: The Balkan Empress, The Poet and the Fairy, Prince Arvanit, The New Car. Memoirs and Despa were published before me.
Other: I am the father-in-law of the Italian king and godfather to the Russian emperor. I made twelve children. My wife is from Vukotić from Njeguš.
- TITO
Name, surname, date and place of birth: Josip, Broz, 7 May 1892, Kumrovec. (?)
Nationality: Unspecified
Title: Marshal
Occupation: Pharaoh, intelligence officer, locksmith.
Knowledge of foreign languages: Russian, English, German.
Computer literacy: Comodor PET 1977.
Work experience: During my administration of Yugoslavia, Montenegro experienced the happiest period in its history. I built gigantic industrial complexes the likes of which your country had never seen before. I built roads, built hotels, new workers' quarters, universities, scientific institutions. Education and health were free. You could survive on your work. With a red passport you traveled wherever you wanted. You were internationally respected and proud of your homeland.
Traits: Conspiracy, great player.
Works: Struggle for the Liberation of Yugoslavia (articles and discussions)
Other: I like hunting and watching movies. On numerous trips to the Third World, I was adored by my hosts, and received the most expensive gifts. I was the only one in Eastern Europe who said NO to Stalin. That's why I built a small Gulag on the coast, where one of your Montenegrins worked as a manager.
- MILO
Name, surname, date and place of birth: Milo, Đukanović, 15 February 1962, Nikšić.
Nationality: Until 1997, Serbian, since then Montenegrin.
Title: Godfather (1, 2, 3)
Occupation: Economist, prime minister, president, businessman, banker, university student, cigarette dealer, merchant, privatizer, basketball player, demagogue, boss, leader, dictator.
Knowledge of foreign languages: None
Computer skills: Microsoft Office Word 1998, Paint.
Grade point average: 6,23 (E)
Work experience: I did my internship in the Government of Montenegro as Prime Minister, when I was only 29 years old. I still cover that position, and in all likelihood I will remain in that position for the rest of my life. Sometimes I get tired of that job, so I let the younger ones change me a bit (for half a year, no more), and then I subtly demote them. I led the war of liberation in Croatia defending Dubrovnik. Besides this job, there is nothing I haven't done. Mostly I like to rule, and I'm good at it. I see my political opponents as rats and rascals. If I leave power, Montenegro and Montenegrins will disappear, and Euro-Atlantic integration will stop.
Features: Handsome and tall.
Works: I don't have any, I don't write.
Other: I am very happy when pensions are regular. In my spare time, I like to play basketball, especially when our opponents are Zoran Jelic's team, because no one is allowed to foul me. I have a lot of godfathers - businessmen. I invite the Serbs to enter the government.
At the end, Saint Petar Cetinje added a message: "Citizens of Montenegro and the Hills, do not allow the enlarged brain hematoma from a quarter-century of mental aggrevation to affect your power of reasoning. Think again, did I deserve only third place in last week's results?"
In the next issue, we expect the outcome of a new survey - Is our prime minister Jesus Christ?
Gallery
See more:
Download the app and follow the news
FOLLOW US ON
