Was your mother your best friend or was she completely dominating? Maybe you grew up with a completely unpredictable mother, which would mean that you grew up to be a great psychologist. If you are a responsible person who constantly feels that others are watching and judging you, there is a high probability that you were raised by a perfectionist. What kind of mother did you grow up with and what kind of mother are you today?
dr. Stephen Poulter, family therapist and clinical psychologist, in his book 'The Mother Factor' described five types of mothers: perfectionist, unpredictable, best friend, dominant and complete. The mother is usually a combination of these types, but find out for yourself which was the most dominant.
1. The perfectionist mother
This mother liked to keep everything under control due to the many fears she had. Everything had to be perfect on the outside. The house had to shine, and you had to be neat and well behaved. You are used to criticizing yourself, you often felt incompetent and not good enough. Today you try to always do what others consider important, and you take less care of yourself. You have developed a great responsibility and everything you do must be perfect. You are reliable and stable. You often have the impression that others are watching, evaluating and controlling you. No matter how well you do something, you are not satisfied because you know it could have been better and that feeling of inadequacy often spoils your enjoyment of success.
2. Unpredictable mother
This mother was too emotional. You couldn't know for sure, when you got home from school, if she would be happy, sad or angry. She would often hug and kiss you for no real reason, and when you got a great grade or won a competition, she was completely indifferent. You learned early on that you have to come to the rescue at times when she is completely beside herself and helpless like a child. Today, you are always the best in crisis situations, when your friends experience emotional loss and don't know what to do. You have developed empathy and can feel well all the subtle threads of feelings. You learned to read people so you could help them deal with their emotions.
3. Mother's best friend
This mother treats her children as if they were her equals. In essence, she avoided the role of a real mother, as well as the responsibility that role entails. In case you grew up with your best friend, you always lacked a mother figure and therefore you often acted as a mother to others or took the lead over others. You became responsible and mature early, like an adult. Today you understand the importance of the role of mother and you will set clear boundaries for your children. In partner relationships, you may feel that your partner is neglecting you, that he is not devoting himself to you enough.
4. Dominant mother
This is the most common type of mother. If you were closed off and quite insecure as a child, chances are you grew up with this type of mother. You couldn't express yourself because your mother never saw you as a special person, nor did she think about your needs as an individual. Everything revolved around her and you were just a part of that service that helped her to be in the forefront. Today you are a person who understands and respects the needs of others. You are loyal and supportive of others. However, you are not used to making decisions because someone else always made them for you, so now you have a big problem when you need to make a decision. You are not sure if the decision is right, and you doubt yourself.
5. Mother completely
dr. Poulter, estimates that only 10 percent of children have this ideal mother. A complete mother combines elements of all four types. She is emotionally balanced, sees her children as separate individuals and helps them become independent. She is fully committed to her role as a mother, regardless of the responsibilities she may have outside the home. If you grew up with a mother like this, you always felt that your mother loved and understood you. Today, you have no fear of being rejected, so you enter into relationships with others, without fear. You expect good things, you are open to change and you are not afraid to take risks. You easily accept others and it is quite normal for you that people are different and that there are different opinions. You are full of self-confidence because you got love from your mother and because of that you will always love yourself, no matter what anyone thinks about you.
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