Unexpected signs of depression that don't feel like depression at all

These are subtle signs that could have saved you on a long and lonely journey.

Recognize them early to prevent years of depression and have much more time to live life to the fullest, do meaningful work, and enjoy exceptional relationships.

You stop having an opinion about anything.

It's normal to sometimes have no opinion about what you're going to do or where you're going to go, but when you don't have an opinion most of the time, it can be one of the subtle signs of depression. Think about that word quite literally: "depress yourself." Depressing yourself means not expressing yourself or suppressing expression. Why would we suppress our expression by not having an opinion?

One of the main reasons is the fear of rejection. We may be afraid that if we express our opinion, other people in our lives will not agree with it, so somewhere deep down we "decide" that it is best to remain silent.

A 2024 study published in the Australian & New Zealand Journal of Psychology found that self-silencing is linked to depression across cultures and in both sexes, with one reinforcing the other over time. The more you withdraw, the harder it is for people around you to know who you really are.

We become more comfortable not expressing our opinions than risking disagreement, because conflict is unpleasant. Many of us try to avoid it at all costs. But what is the price? The price is the suppression of our own expression in relationships, which ultimately leads to the other person not really knowing who we are.

Then we become the person who says things like, "I wish my husband would understand me." But what we don't realize is that he can't understand us if we don't express ourselves. We don't understand, accept, or love ourselves.

You stop caring about things that used to be important to you.

Saying "I don't care" is similar to having no opinion, except that "I don't care" refers to suppressing the expression of our inner self. Sometimes we really don't have any preference; however, when we do have one and still say "I don't care" - whether to another or to ourselves - we are lying about our feelings and trying to make an excuse to make ourselves feel better.

When we use the phrase "I don't care," we are sending a message that we are not important and that what we want is not important. We may choose to say this in order to be more agreeable and easier to work with. However, avoiding external conflict over our own opinions leads to internal conflict. Because we do care about having an opinion, we just don't express it.

When "I don't care" stops being true and becomes the default response, there's usually something deeper going on. According to clinical social worker Carol Freund, people going through depression often completely lose touch with their inner voice, describing it as a gap between what your body and feelings are telling you and what your conscious mind is ready to hear.

You no longer know what you really want.

This statement may sound completely true when we say it or hear it in our own head, but it is another lie. The lack of clarity about what we want stems from our inability to express our thoughts and feelings to another person or to ourselves. The internal conflict over what we want begins very early in childhood, when we are taught the difference between "good" and "bad" people.

Unfortunately, some of the things we want in life can be at odds with the beliefs we've been taught about what it means to be good. So we're afraid that others will see us as "bad," so we push those desires so deep inside that we can't even hear them anymore.

A 2023 Stanford Medicine study found that about 27 percent of people with depression had reduced activity in the parts of the brain responsible for goal setting, planning, and decision-making—functions that are key to knowing what you want and going after it. When the brain's planning circuits are slowed, desires can seem completely unattainable.

We think we don't know what we want, but the quiet whispers of our hearts are buried under so many layers of self-judgment that we can no longer even hear them - let alone express them. Sometimes, even when we hear those whispers but think we can't have what we want, we choose not to share those desires with others... or even with ourselves.

You start to feel like everything is pointless.

Feeling like we have no purpose is another subtle sign that we are repressing ourselves. Without strong beliefs, strong emotions, and strong desires, we believe we don't know what our purpose is in the world. Everything seems blurry, but the clarity is there - it's just so deeply suppressed by depression that we can't see or feel it.

We are all here for a reason. And if you know you are here for a reason, but you don't know what that reason is, then you are not living your full expression. Continuing in that pattern can lead you into even deeper despair.

Researchers who spoke with adolescents suffering from depression found that many described this very feeling in their own words, using phrases like "I do things mechanically" or "I live on autopilot," as if they were watching their lives unfold from a distance.

Communication is at the core of our ability to live a high quality life. It is important to open communication with others, but it is equally important to communicate with ourselves and the world.

When we don't fully express our thoughts, emotions, and desires, we are depressed. It is not possible to express and suppress at the same time. What will you choose?