I often see people's confidence drop after they try their best to make their relationship work and it still doesn't. A person may be trying to preserve the relationship in the best way and with the most effort, but that does not guarantee that they will succeed. Despite the best intentions, the one who is left most often ends up hating… himself.
You might think it should be the other way around. The one who leaves and misbehaves with a loved one should become "hated". However, so many negative feelings are actually directed at oneself.
That's why I suggest 6 ways by which you can reconstruct a positive self-image even after a painful breakup.
First
... gather courage and admit to yourself that you too had a part in this breakup. If you have behaved destructively, do not deny it, but recognize what is "destructive" in you and slowly, step by step, move towards a change for the better. Forgive yourself for your role in that breakup.
Another
... if you didn't influence the end of the relationship at all, don't put it out of your mind. We often hear that it takes two people to destroy a relationship, but that may not be true in your case. Sometimes one person destroys what another person builds. If you did not contribute to the destruction of the relationship, admit it to yourself. You are not perfect, as none of us are. However, imperfection is not necessarily a reason to destroy a partnership.
Third
... if you have done your best, you must realize that you are not the person who should bear the blame for the weaknesses and difficulties that another person is facing. Other people have the right to make wrong decisions, even though those decisions can sometimes hurt both of you.
Fourth
... try to practice your sense of self-worth. You are valuable, priceless, as a person, for the simple reason that you are special, unique and irreplaceable in this world. This value is unconditional, not "earned" by any good and desirable behavior. From a biological perspective, the same is confirmed to us. For example, you have unique DNA, and there will never be a person in this world, before or after you, who will be the same as you. Religious people go a step beyond biology and arrive at the transcendent: "God loves me" or "I exist to be as similar to God as possible and to imitate him." In other words, you are special and irreplaceable.
Breastplate
... practice the idea of “embedded” and inherited value. You can do this by extending this knowledge of yours to other people and then to yourself. For example, as you pass other people while walking down the street, you might think, “This person has value that is innate and cannot be earned. This person certainly has some flaws or weaknesses, but that does not negate his worth. That value is common to me and her. I also possess that value, innate and unearned."
Sixth
... once you've solidified the idea of self-worth, apply it to the concept of previous relationships: even though the fact is that those relationships failed, I still have value. I am not defined by the success or failure of a relationship. I am more than that, and regardless of the outcome of the relationship, I am still a unique, special and irreplaceable person.
We all have innate worth
Be alert and keep these thoughts in balance so they don't turn into narcissism. The purpose of gaining knowledge about your own worth is not to compare yourself to others. In fact, a full understanding of self-worth should be the opposite of narcissism. Why? Because the idea of value plays a game on the field of life. If we all have innate value, then we all have value as people, regardless of who earns how much or what talents differentiate us. What we all have in common is that we are special, unique and irreplaceable.
Another warning: avoid using this idea as an argument for nonsense. For example, imagine that you have a gambling habit and are already seriously damaging your household budget. You don't want to validate your self-worth with actions like these. Yes, we are all valuable as people, but we are also imperfect, and we all have to work hard to become the best version of ourselves, all while being aware of our unconditional worth.
Psychology Today
Bonus video:
