You've probably heard the well-known saying "opposites attract" at least once in your life, especially when it comes to relationships. But you've probably also heard that "every bird flies to its flock". The fact is that both statements clearly show that the role of similarity in relationships is not a simple matter at all.
Opposites attract - what does psychology say?
Most research in social psychology has come to the same conclusion, one that only partially supports the proposition that opposites attract. In other words, we still prefer to connect with people who are similar to us and who share our values and interests. Some experts argue that perhaps we should be more interested in complementarities.
In the mid-1950s, sociologist Robert Francis Winch argued that when it comes to personality traits, it is completely irrelevant whether there is similarity but rather complementarity. Based on studies of spouses, he suggested that individuals associate with those who possess personality traits that they lack. Thus, a self-confident woman would more likely attract a submissive man, while an extroverted man would attract an introverted woman, writes Master of Psychology Marija Granić for krenizdravo.rtl.hr.
For example, we are likely to be more interested in people who are similar to us in affiliation (warm people will attract like-minded people, and cooler people are likely to get along better with cold people) and opposites in dominance and control (dominant people are likely to attract someone who is submissive). . However, we might expect that everyone, regardless of their personality, would prefer positive traits in other people.
Given that there are numerous studies in this area, and accordingly numerous inconsistent results, it is only clear that satisfied romantic couples in their relationship show more similarities than opposites. However, this still does not necessarily mean that these couples were very similar from the beginning, but that over time they took on patterns of behavior from each other, which is also a common occurrence (because as they say, "who you are with, you are").
However, if we think about this topic a little more in layman's terms, we can clearly see that we are more likely to meet someone based on similarities. For example, if you go to a concert of your favorite artist and meet your partner there, it would mean that you already share preferences for the same type of music. In other words, to be able to meet someone at all, we need to find ourselves in some similar circumstances.
Despite inconsistent research results, if you grew up with Disney fairy tales, you'd be forgiven if you truly believe that opposites always attract (as was the case with, say, Beauty and the Beast). However, the idea of opposites attracting seems to be ingrained in the film industry as well. One study found that almost 80% of people believe that opposites attract, when in reality all the evidence seems to suggest that such attraction is very rare.
Each bird flies to its own flock - are similarities still more important?
Psychologist Donn Byrne was one of the first to study the influence of similarity on the early stages of partner relationships, and he did so using the phantom stranger technique.
The procedure begins with participants filling out a questionnaire about attitudes on various topics, such as the use of nuclear weapons. Then comes the person perception phase where they rate the (non-existent) person based on the answers to the same questionnaire. Byrne manipulated the degree of similarity between the participants and the phantom stranger, and his results showed that the participants showed that they were more attracted to people who had similar attitudes to them.
To explain his findings, Byrne argued that most people have a need for a logical and consistent view of the world and accordingly tend to favor ideas and beliefs that support and reinforce that consistency. People who agree with us confirm our views and thus satisfy our need for a consistent and logical world, while people who disagree with us tend to encourage negative feelings that lead to aversion.
Byrne's early research was limited to attitudinal similarities, but other research has suggested that there is also greater attraction to those with similar sociodemographic dimensions.
For example, studies have shown that people on social media are more likely to contact and respond to messages from those of a similar educational and ethnic background than those of a similar age. However, Byrne's later research showed that attitudinal similarity may be more important than sociodemographic similarity when it comes to forming and maintaining relationships.
In fact, the idea that we are more attracted to similar others is incredibly persistent. One scientific analysis of 313 studies with more than 35 participants found that similarity is a strong predictor of attraction, especially in the early stages of a relationship, and that there was no evidence to support the claim that opposites attract. We are so likely to like more similar individuals that some psychologists have even declared the similarity effect one of the best generalizations in social psychology.
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