How do you choose the right person at the right time for the right reasons?

It's always the same: you meet a nice person, you hope for something more, and then it turns out that you are not meant to be together. Your personalities just don't mesh. The truth is that if you and your partner do not share similar values ​​and ideas in important areas of life, the relationship does not have a stable foundation. However, of course, this does not mean that you have to find a copy of yourself in order for the relationship to last.

Psychotherapist Dr. Barton Goldsmith sums it up very nicely in one sentence: Choosing the right person for the right reasons at the right time is an art. Before you jump headlong into the pool of potential partners again, take a look at ten tips from a psychotherapist that will help you make the right choice:

1. People will tell you exactly who they are - it's up to you to listen. Listen to what he/she is saying and don't assume you will change him/her.

2. Invite him/her for a test drive. Go on an eight-hour drive with your chosen one. Whatever problems lurk beneath the surface will become painfully obvious. (This test is not for people who lack the courage to face something difficult.)

3. Find someone who is kind and loving. And if you were born under a lucky star, your partner will have a family that taught him that. Having your partner's relatives treat you like a family member makes life so much better.

4. Make sure he is a non-smoker (even if you smoke yourself). If he is a non-smoker, you can change your habits yourself.

5. Find someone to talk to. Eventually this quality will become more important than looks, money or position. If you and your partner can't talk and can't cry on his/her shoulder, it won't be a good match.

6. Make sure you have common core values ​​and aspirations. Example: if one wants a child and the other doesn't, it probably won't work out. Spiritual and political differences become increasingly difficult to manage over time - feelings in these areas intensify with age.

7. Make sure there are enough differences between you. If the person is too similar to you, they will eventually become a bit boring.

8. Compatibility has more to do with touch than sex. If you love touch, you need someone who loves it too. The desire for sex changes, but the need for touch remains – pretty much unchanged.

9. Beware of those who want to get married right away. Engagements were made for a reason and usually lasted a year and a day. Nowadays things move much faster, but it's really good to get to know the person well first before deciding on the next step.

10. Find someone to laugh with until you cry. A sense of humor can help overcome many obstacles in life. If a person can make you laugh even when you don't feel like it, that's a great quality.