How important is humor to a love relationship?

A humorous remark, a witty anecdote... They both laugh and - the ice has already been broken. A stranger at the bar in a bar or at a party suddenly seems less foreign. Shared laughter connects, and his witty charm makes him even more attractive.

And indeed, psychologists have been observing for decades: people with a sense of humor are particularly attractive. "Humor is always a top trait for attractiveness," says psychologist Kai Bauer, who researched and obtained his doctorate on the subject of "Laughter" at the University of Halle.

Humor is a sign of intelligence and creativity

It's no accident. Some experts suggest that humor has an evolutionary advantage when it comes to mate selection. Humor does not mean memorized jokes inserted into a conversation without a sense of the right moment. From an evolutionary point of view, what makes a person attractive is humor that is difficult to imitate, because behind it hide particularly desirable characteristics.

Witty people, those who know how to tell interesting and funny stories, must have a certain intelligence, creativity and a sense of the right moment. These qualities increase attractiveness, psychologist Teresa DiDonato wrote in an article. And found that this applies to all world cultures.

Men with a sense of humor profit the most: "On average, men find women who laugh at a man's humor more attractive." At the same time, it's more important for women to laugh at a man's statement than for him to find it funny," says Bauer. So the main thing is that the guy is funny.

What you laugh at shows who you are

Humor not only provides information about how intelligent, spontaneous and creative someone is. "A person's humor also tells us something about his idea of ​​a person and his values," believes Bauer and adds that this can be seen in the style of humor.

People who like to tell happy stories in order to laugh together with others, show the so-called affiliative, so connecting humor. The wit of a person who does not lose his sense of humor even in less funny times is described by psychologists as what makes that person stronger.

However, humor can also be aggressive, and serve to humiliate other people with jokes or sarcasm at their expense. And yet, even aggressive humor, which is often used in satire, can help with difficult situations.

Humor helps relationships - in most cases

Most people have different styles of humor, but they use one style more often than others. "Most people find themselves by similarity," says Kai Brauer. Partners who share a similar sense of humor are more likely to share a similar value system. And that is extremely important for the success of a love relationship.

The day was busy, the children were out of control, colleagues at work as well. All this is not funny and it is a good opportunity to, to top it all off, start an argument with your partner. But it doesn't come to that, because he managed to say something witty at the right moment. Then they both laugh and – the stress subsides.

"Humor has a relaxing, playful component that helps shape relationships," Brauer believes, adding that humor can thus help to relax during stressful phases, as well as to solve or avoid problems.

This is primarily because laughter really works on the body. Laughter research, the so-called gelotology, found that laughter not only reduces stress and releases happiness hormones, but also has a positive effect on blood flow and even strengthens immunity. So, a relationship full of humor is not only pleasant, but in the truest sense of the word - healthy.

Different humor, different attitudes

If someone doesn't understand their partner's humor, it could indicate that their fundamental attitudes are vastly different. "The heart of humor is the point, so the unexpected," says Brauer. In order for humor to work for both, there must be an agreement in the relationship about what can be expected and what cannot, explains the psychologist and points out that humor must have a common base, because otherwise it cannot work for both.

But humor is not necessarily necessary for every relationship. "People for whom humor is not that important tend to have a partner who is also not that funny," Brauer says. And even that, in accordance with the principle of similarity, can also work very well.