Strong physical attraction is what we call chemistry, when someone is so attracted to you that you have physical symptoms - "butterflies" in the stomach, shortness of breath, dilated pupils, sweaty palms...
Pure chemistry can be intense with someone you don't know at all, is most obvious at the beginning of a relationship, and can remain an integral part of a deeper relationship. Physical attraction is often necessary in order to engage emotionally, but it is also dangerous for the same reason - we can fall into the trap of chemistry and confuse it with love and intimacy.
The brain can play with our hearts, as it produces the chemistry that fuels passion and feelings, which are filtered through the models of our attachment styles—and very quickly what started as a simple physical attraction can become very complicated, he writes. Wannabe magazines.
As physical attraction and chemistry develop
It's all in the head - in the hypothalamus, specifically. When we are attracted to someone, the brain stimulates the production of testosterone and estrogen, which trigger sexual desire. High levels of dopamine and norepinephrine are released, which makes us feel energetic and euphoric, like intoxicated. It is that chemical cocktail that makes us lose our appetite and restful sleep - we are excited and wonder if it is possible that we have already fallen in love and we are aware that we are under some influence.
The physical attraction we feel as magnetic, under the influence of sexual chemistry, can lead to exciting and intense short-term relationships and intimate encounters. Relationships based on physical pleasure can work, as long as we are aware of how things really are - we can't (and don't want to) resist lust, but we don't know the other person and we can't talk about love. Although it includes and encompasses physical attraction, love is much more than that. In its later stages of development, love is much more than feelings and attachment.
The pitfalls of pure chemistry
Pure chemistry, strong physical attraction, happens spontaneously and everything is easy and simple. We just let ourselves go. If things remained simple and spontaneous, most of the passionate relationships would end after a few months, when the chemistry weakens and recedes, when the head clears and we start to observe, see and judge.
We can have a strong physical connection with someone who is not at all suitable as a long-term partner, but even when we are clear about this, we may have already developed feelings that we do not want to give up. And that's okay when it's mutual, and often it isn't. Often one person wants to stay at the comfort level of a physical relationship, while the other's physical attraction leads straight into the emotional depths.
In other cases, one partner may discover that the person for whom he has developed feelings leads an unhealthy life, has harmful habits and behaviors. Infidelity, drug and alcohol abuse, and other serious problems become dominant—and physical attraction still remains strong. But that way only toxic relationships can develop and such problems should not be ignored because of passion and lust.
It often happens that it is quite clear to us, and yet we cannot resist and believe that with the power of love we will overcome all problems. Thus we enter a relationship in which we struggle with ourselves (with our feeling that our expectations are not realistic), with our partner (who does not want to give up his toxic habits and patterns) and we are challenged to look at ourselves in unexpected and unpleasant ways.
Toxic relationships in which two people are simply obsessed with each other and have strong sexual chemistry can be a valuable life lesson - a karmic encounter, a soulmate who is our mirror in which we must see the worst in ourselves (and ultimately find the best). Such a relationship will not become healthy and stable, but the experience can help us see the unhealthy and unstable parts of ourselves and commit to our own healing. A broken heart has only one job - to heal itself.
Why does strong physical attraction arise?
Strong sexual chemistry, magnetic physical attraction, and infatuation are sometimes predestined by unconscious and unresolved family dynamics—our most important past relationships.
Perhaps we are strongly attracted to a certain type of person, who have the characteristics of a dominant parent with whom we have developed an insecure attachment style. Our unconscious tries to heal that primal unsatisfactory relationship in childhood, through our partner relationships in adulthood.
It is possible to heal trauma and emotional injuries from the past through the present relationship, if we are aware of the opportunity and dedicate ourselves to it with courage, sincerity, openness, attention and intention. But it is also possible to repeat the past trauma.
Strong physical attractiveness cannot protect us from our own or someone else's childhood problems. At best, as we mature, the ways we communicate and behave in relationships reflect a secure attachment style to our parents. This means that we trust others, have high self-esteem and openly share our feelings with close people.
However, most people do not enter into partnerships with a secure attachment style, nor are they ready to acknowledge and heal childhood injuries and achieve a healthy and mature relationship.
Unhealthy attachment styles (avoidant and anxious) through relationships are expressed by mistrust, problems with closeness, emotional closure, distancing from the partner.
Insecure attachment styles can be healed, developed and changed over time, through awareness, communication, willingness to heal, work on ourselves and develop, best with the help of a therapist.
When the chemistry goes away
Pure chemistry cannot stay at the same level for long. After a while, she withdraws, falling in love diminishes, physical attraction fades into the background, and couples in the "daylight" of reality begin to see each other's weak and bad sides. At that moment, the relationship is put to the test and people decide whether they will accept the fact that it was a physical relationship, which is not the basis for a stable relationship, or whether they want to continue on the path of getting to know each other better and developing the relationship.
If couples move forward together and overcome the obstacles that everyday life throws up, they can develop closeness, respect and deep love. They can continue to build a fulfilling relationship that builds on what the physical attraction set in motion. Sexual chemistry remains an important factor and, together with emotional intimacy, mental and spiritual connection, contributes to the vitality and stability of a partner relationship.
So, physical attraction and pure chemistry can lead to a deep love relationship, just as it can create a false sense of closeness and lead us into a toxic relationship, It can simply "consume" us and leave us empty when the infatuation is over.
If you have already experienced fleeting physical relationships and toxic love relationships, you may be able to better understand what got you into such relationships and what you need to change and heal in yourself in order to build a healthy and stable relationship.
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