Clinical psychologist John Gottman found, in his famous 2002 study that aimed to predict when a couple would divorce, that contempt is a common byproduct of a lack of emotional skills in a relationship. He also found that contempt is the strongest indicator that a couple won't stay together, writes Your Tango.
Well-known relationship expert and clinical psychologist Dr. Jonice Webb pointed out that she has numerous clients who assess whether they are in the "right relationship" with their partner.
To help everyone with that doubt, Dr. Webb has created a list of five questions you need to ask yourself to find out.
1. Can you both control your anger enough to talk about a difficult problem while still caring for each other?
"Although it's easy to get overwhelmed by emotions in the middle of an argument or disagreement, with the right relationship you won't feel bad or like there's no solution," said Dr. Webb.
"Instead of trying to have important conversations during arguments, people in a strong relationship will wait until both sides have calmed down and collected themselves." And you can say that you are in a healthy relationship if you are able to solve problems in a mature and respectful way," she added.
2. Can you listen to each other's concerns and control your defensiveness?
“Think about your answer for at least ten seconds before you say it. "Make sure what you're saying is constructive and moving the conversation forward," said Dr. Webb.
"In relationships where couples have perfected their listening skills and know how their partner communicates, they have a stronger connection. When both can put aside their pride, that's a big sign of a healthy relationship," she pointed out.
3. Are you both willing to face hardships and change yourselves to keep the relationship going?
"No one is perfect and you have to be willing to admit that you don't understand something in order to learn something new." When you bring this way of thinking into your relationship, you can be sure that you will grow - both yourself and with your partner," revealed Dr. Webb.
4. Do you tell each other when you are upset or when you think you need a change in the relationship?
"Practice radical transparency without attributing motives to your partner's emotions. "Relationships are just give and take, but if one partner gives everything and the other takes everything, it becomes unbalanced," warned Dr. Web.
"When you're in a healthy relationship, you don't have to worry that your partner won't truly hear you when you express your wants or needs. A good relationship is one in which both parties can talk openly about what they feel," she pointed out.
5. If your answer to any of these questions is 'no', would you and your partner be willing to learn these things?
"That, after all, is the purpose of this exercise. 'Do you want to stay in a relationship or not?' is the key question you have to ask yourself in order to determine if you are in the right relationship at all," said Dr. Webb.
What does it mean if you answered 'no'?
"If you can't answer these questions with any degree of certainty, you're not ready to make a lifelong commitment to that person.
Consider giving the relationship more time and sharing your concerns with your partner to see if he or she gets better at it. Consider seeing a couples therapist.
If you are married and have some 'no' answers, it doesn't mean it has to be the end. As long as you're both willing to learn the necessary emotional skills, your marriage can become everything you've always wanted, she reports Net hr.
Everyone has annoying habits, flaws and faults. Every relationship has problems. Some people have never had the opportunity to learn the complex emotional and interpersonal skills required for a resilient, lasting relationship.
That doesn't make them any less loved. At least not if they are willing to learn those skills," Dr. Webb explained at the end.
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