When you are angry with your partner: Say only this

Anger can be a complex emotion, and people express anger in different ways. Some shout, others are silent, others go crazy. Often this emotion is impossible to control. When you are so angry that you can no longer process your emotions, how can you manage them?

"By acting angry, you actually make it more likely that you will continue to act angry, just as loving and compassionate behavior tends to increase an individual's tendency to be loving and compassionate," says psychotherapist Ross Grossman.

Jacob Kunz, a marriage and family therapist in Bakersfield, California, explains that anger is a heightened version of softer emotions that can bring us to a place where we don't really know what to say anymore.

"Anger is the bodyguard of sadness," Kunz explains. So when you're too angry to talk, it's best to say it in the clearest way possible. If you're not ready to talk about the underlying emotions, simply say you need time to clear your mind. An understanding partner will appreciate this need.

When you're really angry and can't find the right words, use simple phrases:

• "I can't think right now and I need to calm down before I tell you how I really feel."
• "I need some time to process this."
• "I'm not ready to talk right now. I need to go for a walk and clear my mind."
• "I'm too angry to talk."
• "Give me 10 minutes and then we can continue this discussion."

Then you can take some time to identify the real emotions: Why are you angry?

If you're able to process your feelings, then it's time to get specific:

"To be honest, I'm angry, but that's because I'm sad about ____X____ and worried about ____Y_____."

"I'm mad because ____X____ and ____Y___ and I need some time to process this."

This type of approach not only shows the other party deeper emotions that they can relate to, but also generally calms the situation because the anger is put aside.

It is also important not to blame or accuse the other person when you are angry. Anger is not a mask to wear when you want to solve a problem.

"Anger makes you more likely to continue acting angry, just as loving and compassionate behavior tends to increase an individual's tendency to be loving and compassionate," says psychotherapist Ross Grossman, writing yourTango.