There are many habits that destroy relationships, but after decades of research, Dr. John Gottman has found the number one behavior that is deadly to any marriage.
Most people will mention infidelity, lack of intimacy, lack of time, and maybe even lack of trust.
However, none of these answers have been found in studies examining this issue. Dr. John Gottman states that it is important to consider four problematic types of communication in relationships:
- Contempt
- Critics
- Defense
- Obstruction
According to Gotman, contempt is what first leads to divorce. Contempt is very similar to hatred.
It is a form of communication and a way of thinking that can make a partner feel unloved and unwanted.
When contempt becomes habitual, Gottman says, the relationship is doomed. Instead of working together and solving problems, partners not only distance themselves from each other out of contempt, but can also move into the "active combat" zone.
However, contempt is not only harmful to relationships. Research has also shown that contempt can seriously harm your health. Research shows that when people look down on others, they are at increased risk of developing serious illnesses such as heart disease.
If you feel like you're starting to despise each other, you might want to try sitting down and dealing with the negative feelings.
Additionally, if you want your relationship to thrive, Gotman says it's crucial to let your partner know they're valued and make sure you show it regularly.
Bonus video:
