If you could ask yourself just two questions to assess the strength of your relationship, you'd probably do it, right? Economics researchers Leora Friedberg and Stephen Stern from the University of Virginia analyzed the responses of 3.597 couples with those two questions in mind, and it turns out they could predict quite accurately which couples would end up in divorce.
It was found that partners who answered these questions positively were more likely to stay together than those who didn’t. What are these two questions? At first glance, they seem simple, but on a deeper level, they touch on key dynamics – the way partners view each other and how they handle conflict. These patterns can be strong indicators of divorce, while answers that reflect respect and trust indicate longer-lasting relationships.
1. How do you think your level of happiness would change if you and your partner were to separate?
This question seems pretty straightforward. If you answer "5," which means you believe you would be much happier without a partner, you've basically already given your answer.
It's not surprising that breakups occur if you believe you would be happier without the person you chose to share your life with. However, such honest self-awareness is rarer than it seems.
"You know you're unhappy in your marriage when you constantly wonder if you're happy. People who are happy in their marriage don't ask themselves that question - they just are," explained psychotherapist Abby Rodman:
But the second question is where things get more interesting.
2. How do you think your partner's happiness level would change if you were to separate?
The answer to the second question, as well as how accurate your assessment is, may indicate that you're actually already secretly giving up on the relationship. The researchers analyzed responses from about 3.500 couples from the initial study (1987–88) and then followed them up again six years later. They found that about 7 percent of couples—about 245—had divorced during that period.
The results were not surprising. Couples who believed their partner would be "worse" or "much worse" without them had a lower divorce rate (4,8 percent).
On the other hand, couples who felt their partner would be happier without them were more likely to separate. That seems logical, but it wasn't the worst factor either.
Namely, those who were unsure or misjudged their partner's happiness had an even higher divorce rate - around 12 percent.
It turns out that not understanding your partner's feelings can seriously damage a relationship. People who had a "gap" in their perception of their partner's feelings were actually carrying a kind of red alert in the relationship.
If you think your partner would be much unhappier without you, when in reality they would be happier, that's a clear sign of a problem. Couples in which one partner was convinced that the other was happy, while in fact the other was unhappy, were more likely to end in divorce.
This means that if you misjudge and your partner is actually unhappy, there is a 13 to 14 percent greater likelihood that a separation will soon occur.
How does this affect the relationship? If you are willing to talk openly with your partner and find out how satisfied they are with the relationship, there is a chance that things can improve if they are not good.
Do wrong answers mean that the relationship is doomed to divorce?
Not necessarily. There's always an opportunity to work through problems and work on the relationship together, so that neither partner is already dreaming of a "better" marriage. Research from 2014 shows that lack of communication is one of the main causes of divorce.
The author is a writer, editor, and award-winning author. Her writing has been published in magazines such as The Aviator Magazine, Infinite Press, Yahoo, BRIDES
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