Modern dating has changed, but a professional "wingman" says these six lessons haven't

Ever since I was a teenager, I've enjoyed reading Jake's column in Glamour magazine. Since 1956, it has been written by various anonymous, single men who have helped countless women navigate the dating world, speaking honestly and openly about love from a male perspective.

In 2012, one of the "Jakes" published a book, "Always Hit On The Wingman: And 9 Other Secret Rules For Getting The Love Life You Want," in which he compiled the 10 most important relationship tips that he and his predecessors shared with women—and which still apply today.

Usually, when I read books like this, I feel like the advice would only work in an ideal world. But as I read Jake's book, I found myself marking almost every other page to remember his messages. It's become a book I'd happily give to all my female friends - whether they're single, in a relationship, or engaged - because they can all learn something from the collective experience.

1. Men shouldn't be responsible for your happiness.

My friends and I have often said, "If I had a boyfriend, I would be happy." The problem is that we really believe it, even though we know that only we ourselves can make us truly happy. We can't shift this enormous responsibility onto someone else - and what man would want that in the first place?

Jake describes meeting his ex (who later became his wife): "I realized she wasn't the same person I'd broken up with. 'I thought you were responsible for my happiness - and my unhappiness. That wasn't fair,' she told me. I'd never seen her so strong, and suddenly I wanted to be with her."

Conclusion: Learn to be happy alone – then you will become even more attractive, and the right man will be an addition to your life, not its center.

2. Men don't think about our bodies like we do.

Almost every woman has some complaint about her appearance. We are too hard on ourselves - and men don't like that.

Jake writes: "Don't make us feel bad for liking your body... It's insulting when you tell us we shouldn't be attracted to you."

In other words: if he doesn't see your "flaws", there's no point in you highlighting them. Men would rather "caress than analyze". It's worth remembering that.

3. Don't try to be 'one of the guys' if you're not.

One of my partners was delighted when I said I didn't follow football - he said he was fed up with girls who pretend to like sports just to impress men.

Jake has a whole chapter on authenticity: "Girls who like sports or cars are great. Those who don't - too. But those who pretend to like - aren't."

Be yourself. That's the most attractive thing.

4. Keep dating others longer than you think you should.

Although I sometimes felt guilty about seeing multiple people at once (to be honest with everyone), Jake says it's actually smart.

If a man hasn't yet shown that he wants a serious relationship, why should she close herself off to other options?

"If there's even the slightest doubt about his commitment, keep your options open," Jake writes. "It's a message to yourself—and to him—that you deserve happiness."

5. Even soulmates need space

In a serious relationship, it's important to maintain individuality: going out with friends, having your own time, not doing everything together.

"Space is power," Jake says. "The power of knowing you don't have to share everything with him. A little distance and mystery keeps the attraction going."

6. Dating and relationships should be fun

How many times have we said, "I hate men!" after a bad date or an ignored message?

Jake reminds us: the point of dating is to be an interesting and fun process. If it's not, something is wrong.

"You can view dating as a struggle or as a series of exciting experiences," he writes. "Love is great - you should enjoy every step of the way."

Really well said.

NOTE: Wingman does not have a direct, natural translation - it is a friend who helps a friend meet a potential partner, in short, someone who facilitates meeting and flirting.

The author began her career writing about relationships, dating, and pop culture, and later worked for editorial offices such as Women's Health, Cosmopolitan, and others.