All happy families resemble each other; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, it says Leo Tolstoy. And he is not the only one who has tried to explain the phenomenon of that community, the relationships within it, the dynamics and the way it functions. There is certainly no perfect family, and so every happy one has its own imbalances, while every one, which he called unhappy, certainly has its bright moments...
It's easy to generalize, speak in generalities, write, philosophize, with worn-out phrases, quotes, opinions, stereotypes. But all that about your family, completely honestly and emotionally, is certainly not easy. Where to start, what to say, how long to talk for, and about what?
Still, Sylvestar KolbasSylvestar Kolbas he dared to do that, and that, not only to speak and present himself and his family to the world, but to make a film - both for her, and for himself, and for all of them, but also for us...
How do you actually make a film about your own family, without losing either the family, yourself, or the film, but also neither sincerity nor emotion? Cinematographer, photographer and director Sylvester Kolbas, author of the documentary "Our Children", exposes his own family, delves into the intimacy of a community that he calls atypical, and which is nevertheless so close to everyone. His profile is offered in the film's description itself, and we further understand why his family is, as he says, atypical, and by watching the film we realize that in each one there are those "typical" moments - in the best possible, sincere, emotional, affective, humorous, hasty, warm, and who knows what other context...
"Sylvestar has been the oldest Kolbas in the family for some time. His parents died, his father before the war, his mother a little later. His younger brother also died as a result of the war. He is 68 years old and married for the second time. He has three children: the eldest Jacob, from the first marriage, Eva from a second marriage, born from in vitro fertilization, as well as Tapir, adopted from an orphanage when he was eight years old. The director deals with the issues of his children's influence on his feelings, attitudes, and the relationship between him and his wife. He also deals with his own influence on his children, his relationship with each one of them, and the anxiety about whether he gives them all the same love. Ultimately, he wonders how his children change him and how he sees the relationship between them as spouses, as well as towards himself," the synopsis states.
In addition to all this, his wife is with him... And to all this, he does not offer (easy) answers, but he offers courage, honesty, depth, empathy... Kolbas does not show an idealized picture of family harmony, but a map of love, fears, mistakes and attempts to be a good parent and partner. Holding the camera as a mirror of reality, Kolbas invites conversation, reflection, but also a look at one's own relationships, without filters, with the film "Our Children". This was recognized by audiences throughout the region, as well as the festival jury, and the film was awarded the "Golden Arena" at the prestigious Pula festival in the categories for best director and best editing, while at the Liburnia Film Festival it won the award for favorite film.
The film "Our Children" was screened as part of this year's International Documentary Film Festival "UnderhillFest" in Podgorica, and in an interview with "Vijesti", Kolbas talks more about the making of the film, the process of working and collaborating with family members, challenges, plans and impressions from Underhill.
The film "Our Children" brings an emotional, but completely realistic insight into the real life of one family - yours. Wherever it is shown, the impressions and reactions are very much felt. What are your impressions from Podgorica, from the Underhill festival?
My film deals with family relationships, which, of course, have their ups and downs. Given that we live in a culture of success, it is common for some things we are not very happy with to be kept behind closed doors. However, when a film is made that also contains some more dramatic moments from the family, it happens that, after seeing the film, people approach us and say that they recognized themselves in one of the roles - whether children or parents. Such comments always come with claims that it helps them better understand their own relationships. This happened in Podgorica as well, which I am particularly pleased about, because it represents additional confirmation that there is some sense in why the film was made, regardless of whether it wins awards or not. The last time I was in Podgorica, at Underhill, was two years ago with a completely different film, which was not only short, but also thematically, connected to another, public topic, and stylistically different, but somehow both films are narrative and I think they have the potential to reach an audience. They are not hermetic, they are not expressed artistically in the sense that a key to understanding must be sought. "Our Children" is not a film at the end of which you would feel some kind of euphoria, it is simply that kind of film, but I felt that people had reactions and were impressed by it, as always.
How was the filming process, considering the "exposure" of you personally and your family members? Did that affect the film itself and how much were your ideas and feelings mixed up as a director and protagonist?
I define myself as an introverted and shy person. However, on the other hand, since I have an inner world, there can be dilemmas and crises that cause the need to come out. That was somehow my motive for starting to make films that are focused on myself, that is, that have an autobiographical component. I can freely say that I started directing such films in my serious years. On the other hand, it causes an unusual duality, in the sense that I am still the way I am, closed, let's say, and in films I am much more open than people usually are. It is a struggle of one trait with another. It is certainly less of a problem if (the film) only concerns me. However, we are social beings and family people, which then, of course, also includes family members, so all of that does not always go smoothly. Of course, as in literature, something can be said if you start from intimacy. My family members in this film were between cooperation and protest, so we looked for each other in that. Namely, there were some agreements for that process, although somewhat reluctant, but they existed. However, when I started filming, when it became a project and a kind of mandatory cooperation, then it became a problem. So I had to look for ways to overcome it. That took quite a long time, and the film as a documentary and the process itself, despite the intentions with which we start, has its own dynamics and its own life... I wanted to say "things come out", but it's not that they "come out", but they are partly hardly under our control. There were all sorts of things, and even some moments when I thought I wouldn't finish the film at all. However, with the help and pressure of the production, and over time, you realize that it helps you and that it comes as a kind of self-healing process. I say that because it helps to explain some things that you are focused on, to put them in order, to ask questions and give answers... What is it that troubles us, what is the cause, what is the consequence and the like, and all of that encouraged me too. My family members, although all of them differently, still reacted much better to all that than I expected and imagined. That being said, anything beyond that is actually a bonus to me.
What, as an author, would you most like viewers to find in this film?
Our family is atypical. I have three children, each of whom has their own story... I have a son from my first marriage who is now more than grown up, I have two younger children, a daughter we barely had through in vitro fertilization and another son we adopted from a home for neglected children, when he was already eight years old. The film observes family relationships over a period of time. I started making it hoping that it would be filmed over the course of one summer and that it would be a casual and fun, light-hearted film... However, for reasons that I have partly mentioned, and those that can be partly assumed, there were problems within family relationships and a bit of resistance during filming. I was looking for ways to solve family problems, successfully or less successfully, but also how to finish the film at the same time. However, no matter how specific my family is, it actually has the characteristics of every family, that is, every family has the potential to be happy or unhappy, because, as we know, all happy families are equal, each is unhappy in its own way. It seems to me that people easily recognize themselves in the roles in that film. Young people often come to me to thank me and admit that after watching it they understand their parents more easily, and parents who are generally interested in family issues recognize themselves in all the dilemmas and problems that my wife and I had during the period depicted in the film...
The film is extremely layered and opens up some topics that are talked about, but not enough in society, even among friends. These are things over which the people who talk about them have the power, which they use to choose how to market and shape them. In this context, how important is not only your film, but also talking about mutual experiences, at least for the sake of understanding?
People are actually crying out for conversation and for seeing that they are not alone in their problems. This happened with one of my earlier films. It is “All About Eve”, a film that was made twenty-something years ago, in which we followed our dilemmas and the struggle to reach our daughter, who did. After the film, people approached us en masse, wrote and addressed us in various ways, mostly those who had similar problems but had no one to share them with... We somehow have the benefit of being media people, my wife and I, so we decided that, since we can bother other people, we might as well do something. So we realized that it was fair for us to share something of our own with the public, and the reactions were phenomenal at the time... Now it is a similar position with this film. For example, it was interesting that the premiere in Zagreb was attended by people we actually know, but are not intimate with. They felt the need to share their problems with us. So you see that what we have experienced and shown is actually very universal and extremely necessary - and conversations and films and exchanges and all that. There is a hypocrisy in society, actually. I don't see myself as a fighter against hypocrisy, although it does seem that way a little... But we can't sweep everything under the rug forever. There are some things in our lives that we are not proud of, and that's fine, we won't always and constantly emphasize it, but sometimes you have to admit it, so whatever it is... It's not always popular, but it represents a kind of balance to this escapist world around us, even among the younger generation, I think that's an important point.
If we look back at the synopsis as an introduction to the film itself, what would you say about how much the family you came from, all the circumstances and events within it, influenced you personally, and then perhaps that transposed to the family you created and continued with its broader influence?
When a person reaches a more mature age, if he is inclined to do so, he thinks a little about his position between his parents and his primary family and the family he creates and participates in - for the sake of comparison, thinking about things that are good, things that are not, things that could be better. I also started with an idea that I would correct some things that I didn't like in my primary family, thinking about some potential mistakes of my parents, which I would correct. However, it's not that simple and psychologists have different explanations and different interpretations for it... There is a phenomenon that they say is called transgenerational trauma. I think that a person cannot escape their past, what it has left on them and the feelings they have developed, whether good or bad, but that doesn't mean that it automatically gives them the capacity to turn things around differently, or to repeat the same patterns on the other side, which is, however, more common. When you see that, you get a little horrified, and then you think about how you are going to deal with it and the like...
And what about all those things, what about the family/s?
What can I say... Good luck to you, just as good luck to me. That's it for the topic of family relationships.
Do we learn anything from such content? How do you view your "Our Children" in this context?
I perceive this film as something that is actually closer to literature than to film, because it deals partly with the inner world and partly with some intimacy, so I think this is potentially a film for people who like to read. The film can and should encourage people to think about their own family relationships. Maybe not everything is always black, even when it seems that way. We need to talk about things, not sweep them under the rug, because some things are unchangeable, some are simply given to the relationship. Therefore, we should not avoid calling things by their right name.
Have you thought about a book in the future or are you already working on one?
I must admit that I did think about writing and doing something about it, but not in a way that would rehash things I had already done, but definitely something else. Who knows... Admittedly, for each of the films I wrote an incredibly huge amount of written material that was either preserved or lost, whatever, and which served as some kind of material, elaboration to make the film. These personal films are very exhausting, because they put you as an author in a schizophrenic position - that you have to be inside emotionally, and at the same time you have to be outside to be analytically present and to be able to observe it. That is difficult and exhausting, both for me and for those around me, so I would not make another personal film right now. In addition, I may have bored “both God and the people”, and perhaps a little bit myself.
World documentary peaks in the park, on the playground
As you mentioned, this is your second time at Underhill. How do you experience the festival and why are documentaries like this generally important? Is there anything that makes Underhill stand out?
My colleague Tiha K. Gudac, who was on the jury, pointed out an important thing that we may not always be aware of. Smaller regional festivals, such as Underhill, have the phenomenal position of being able to show the world's top documentary filmmakers, without a huge burden, and which people can attend almost for free, there are tickets, it's 500 meters from their homes, etc.... The very fact that such a festival, namely Underhill, exists, should be used to the fullest.
My impression of the festival itself is extremely good. The atmosphere is very positive, first of all because it is a beautiful place, in a park, on a playground. Even though it is hot in Podgorica, it is wonderful there. In addition, what is nice is to see a lot of interested audience, an audience that is interested in documentary film or even those who are there just to see what is actually happening and what kind of films they are.
Bonus video:
