Why did you leave that glass there, why are you looking there, who called you and other banal reasons, among others, were enough reasons for the husband of the thirty-five-year-old IS to physically and mentally abuse his wife. She told "Vijesti" reporters part of her sad life story at the Safe Women's House shelter.
"I grew up in a patriarchal family. My parents regret it today, but before, even though they knew about all the abuse, they were in favor of me suffering for the sake of the children," this woman, who has two daughters and who is in her 20s, told "Vijesta" years of marriage with an abuser decided to divorce and turn to someone for help.
She said that she got married in high school, that she didn't even know her husband and that his abuse started practically immediately.
"At first I thought it was my fault. I was afraid of him and my father who supported him. Soon I had a child and I thought everything would be better," said IS
However, it got worse, although as she says, her husband does not drink and does not like alcoholics or drug addicts, and is very respected and respected in society.
"He blackmailed me materially, he didn't allow me to work, and in the end he threatened me that if I got a divorce, I wouldn't get anything," she said.
"He blackmailed me materially, he didn't allow me to work, and in the end he threatened me that if I got a divorce, I wouldn't get anything," she said.
Later, he started mistreating their daughters as well, so he once strangled the older one when she tried to help her mother.
"He felt that my children were attached to me, so he began to transfer his anger to them as well. That's when I filed a complaint with the police for the first time, but I soon withdrew it under his pressure. For the next year, he was calm," she said. , stating that she reported the violence to the police twice, but subsequently withdrew the complaint out of fear.
She thought about taking her own life several times, but after her husband's last beating, she decided to report him and file for divorce.
"Unfortunately, I only now realized the darkness I was living in and I want to say to all women who are in a similar situation - stop it immediately, because you are not doing yourself, and especially not your children, a favor by living in such a way," she said. .
Wives ask that husbands only be warned
According to the data of the Police Administration, from January to May of this year, police officers intervened 270 times due to domestic violence, in 91 cases misdemeanor charges were filed, and in 26 cases criminal liability was determined. 153 police warnings were also recorded, in cases where there were no elements for filing reports.
Compared to 2010, when the police intervened 383 times, and when 105 criminal and 67 misdemeanor charges were filed, according to the assessment of the Head of the Branch for Blood and Sexual Offenses Ekan Jasavić, it can be concluded that the police will have more work this year when it comes to family violence.
Jasavić stated that, according to police data, the victims of domestic violence are usually women, who in many cases only ask that the husband be warned, and often withdraw the complaint.
"Most often it is a question of disturbed marital relations. If there were physical injuries, if it is a mental patient, an alcoholic, a drug addict, or the case is repeated, we monitor such families continuously," Jasavić said, adding that they usually contact the wife when they know that her husband is not home or they are talking to the neighbors.
He said that a violent person can always be arrested when there are elements of a violation of public order and peace, and if minor or serious bodily injuries are involved, a criminal complaint is usually filed.
A novelty in the Law on Protection from Domestic Violence, which was passed in July last year, is the introduction of misdemeanor liability for cases where there was no physical conflict, and the introduction of protective measures, such as removing the abuser from the home.
"Every woman strives to save her marriage. She comes to court and changes her statement countless times, for the sake of the children, for the sake of the family. We are a repressive body and we can only act in that sense," said Jasavić.
"There is a problem that the court passes a protective measure of removal from home, but in practice this often does not happen, because that person has nowhere to live, so he remains living under the same roof," explains Jasavić.
He admits that the police are sometimes powerless to prevent the tragic end of this type of violence, because if the person does not file a report, they can only warn the abuser and direct the victim to contact the Center for Social Work.
"Every woman strives to save her marriage. She comes to court and changes her statement countless times, for the sake of the children, for the sake of the family. We are a repressive body and we can only act in that sense," said Jasavić.
Raičević: The center reacts slowly
The executive director of the Safe Women's House, Ljiljana Raičević, stated that it often happens that victims report to them before the police, the Center for Social Work, the prosecutor's office or any other institution, because they "simply heard or experienced the slowness of the institutions in solving their problems".
"It's not bad that they contact us first, precisely so that they don't wander, because we know where to refer them. We refer them to the institutions, because we don't have the power or strength that they have," said Raičević.
She says that SŽK, as a kind of advisory office, has a lot of success, because it completes some things faster than institutions.
"If the victim complains about threats, we draw up a lawsuit. If she has decided to divorce, we file a lawsuit for divorce free of charge, and if she has children, we suggest or write her a decision for temporary custody until the court's decision. If she has property, we refer her to the cadastre to place a ban on the sale of that property," Raičević explained.
Speaking about the cooperation with the Center for Social Work, she stated that this cooperation boils down to individual contacts with people "with whom they know they can do the work".
"That's bad, because it should be good cooperation with the institution, not individuals. In any case, if there was violence, we write to the Center and suggest that immediately after processing the lawsuit, the victim goes there," Raičević said.
As a kind of counseling office, the safe women's house has a lot of success, because it finishes some things faster than institutions.
She added that since last year they have been writing to the center, warning them and asking for feedback if they know that children are at risk.
"For some cases, they need a long time to respond. Also, in the last tragic case, it was the Center that made the wrong decision to allow the father to watch with the children," said the executive director of the Safe Women's House.
The SOS telephone registers 40 percent more calls
The executive director of the SOS phone for women and children victims of violence, Biljana Zeković, says that, according to their data for the past year, in 88 percent of cases the calls are made by women, and in 12 percent by men.
"The most common reasons for women's calls were permanent violence that they have suffered for years, while what was characteristic of men's calls was dissatisfaction with the way of regulating meetings with children, decisions of courts or centers for social work, as well as non-execution of judicial court rulings," Zeković said.
She highlighted the fact that the number of calls from family members, friends and neighbors reporting violence against women has increased by 40 percent compared to previous years.
"The largest number of women who applied for help were between the ages of 35 and 55. In previous years, the highest percentage of women who asked for help were over 35, which meant that they decided to divorce after enduring violence for many years," stated Zeković..
She highlighted the fact that the number of calls from family members, friends and neighbors reporting violence against women has increased by 40 percent compared to previous years.
She added that the high proportion of divorced women who come to them, one in ten, is worrying, "which shows that divorce often leads to an even greater escalation of male violence and that the state does not have good protection mechanisms."
"Also, there is an alarmingly high level of use of all types of weapons in domestic violence. Alcoholics were more likely than other husbands to threaten women and children with weapons," she said.
Teach children that they should not suffer violence
Psychologist Nila Kapor-Stanulović believes that the causes of violence can be in family upbringing, social environment, but that it can also be provoked by the economic crisis.
"The consequences of abuse are a deep feeling of being used by the victim, disappointment in people in general. In children, abuse very often leads to permanent disorders in the formation of heterosexual relationships. The partnerships of these people are full of problems and failures," Kapor-Stanulović told "Vijesta".
She assessed that the strongest factor for victim protection is a media campaign "which will openly talk about abuse of all kinds, about its consequences and, unfortunately, its high frequency."
Children should be provided with programs through kindergartens and schools, with messages that abuse should not be tolerated, that they can and should tell an adult what they are exposed to.
"The victim needs to get the message that she is not the only one to whom this happens, she needs to be convinced that this phenomenon is being discussed publicly, with condemnation, so that she must find the courage to talk about her problem herself.
Of course, she should have the systemic support of society, a place where she will be understood, where she will temporarily hide from abusers and be protected by court decisions," said Kapor-Stanulović.
She added that children should be provided with programs through kindergartens and schools, with messages that abuse should not be tolerated, that they can and should tell an adult what they are exposed to.
"And, of course, that such a story does not become a media treat. Discretion in working with victims of abuse is of primary importance," said Kapor-Stanulović.
The center helps if the victim asks
According to the records of the Center for Social Work, during this year, 25 victims of domestic violence approached them directly, and they received another 67 notifications of reported violence to the police and the authority for misdemeanors.
Director of the Center for Social Work, Vesna Stojanović, stated that upon learning about a case of domestic violence, the center goes to the scene and verifies the allegations, and then schedules an interview at the center's premises.
"The center is obliged to monitor cases of domestic violence and provide them with help and support, which it regularly does," said Stojanović.
"After that, the party is referred to the emergency medical service in order to obtain a report on the injuries, if any, and then to the Police Directorate in order to file a report.
If the victim asks for it, we help him find adequate accommodation, a proposal for determining a protective measure is sent to the authority for misdemeanors, and we provide immediate financial assistance," said Stojanović.
She added that the center has had a multidisciplinary team for protection against domestic violence since 2005, which meets twice a month and consists of four representatives of the center and representatives of the Police Administration, the Prosecutor's Office, the Basic Court, the authorities for misdemeanors and the Clinical Center.
"The center is obliged to monitor cases of domestic violence and provide them with help and support, which it regularly does," said Stojanović.
Raičević: Facebook is a source of danger
Stating that violence against children is very specific, she said that the school system, i.e. the pedagogue and the school psychologist, should be aware of the situation and take some steps if the child behaves inappropriately, if he has problems communicating with other children. if it is aggressive, it comes hungry or has visible bruises on its body.
"Then, there are children who through Facebook experience sexual harassment and even attempted rape. That is just the beginning, through Facebook where they meet and get in touch. They agree to go for coffee, and the girl is not waited on by one, but two or three of them," Raičević said.
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