Sexual violence can happen to any child, and the way the victim will resist, how he will react and what will be the consequences for his further development - will depend on the capacity of the child's personality.
This is what psychologist and psychotherapist Marijana Bulatović - Medenica says in an interview with "Vijesti" and warns that sexual violence against children is "rarely talked about", mostly "after some events that stir up the public". He also states that this type of violence is spoken of as something "that happens to someone else and in another place". All this, she explains, "is followed by the silence of the victim and the silence of the closest environment and community".
"The same mechanisms of an individual's coping with a traumatic event are also reflected in the reactions of the close environment and the community - the traumatic event is denied, suppressed and we dissociate ourselves from those events. However, the fact is that sexual violence can happen in any place, in the family, at school, among peers, at training, in any environment and that it is a reality", explains Bulatović - Medenica.
Sexual violence against children, she says, encompasses a wide range of behaviors. This type of violence includes everything from engaging in sexual relations with a child who has not reached the legal age for sexual activity according to current laws or relevant regulations, to unwanted touches, pinching, comments with sexual connotations, messages with sexual content... It is characterized by , the "Vijesti" interlocutor explains, the imbalance of power is also gender-based.
"Statistics show that violence happens more often to girls. It also happens to boys, but in our culture, boys have a lot of prohibitions to talk about their feelings and a lot of orders to be strong, not to cry, which makes it even more difficult to tell someone," says Bulatović - Medenica. Sexual violence, she claims, is one of the most difficult traumatic events, that is, "an event that is beyond normal human experience and capacity for a person to deal with that event in a normal way".
If the trauma is repeated in an adult, the psychologist explains, it truncates the already formed personality structure.
It's different in childhood, says Bulatović - "trauma strongly influences personality formation".
"The stronger the emotional connection between the child and the one who commits violence against the child, the younger and more immature the child, the greater the consequences. The child has too difficult tasks ahead of him - he has to find a way to preserve trust in people who hurt him, how to feel safe in an environment where he is not safe, and how to regain power and control in situations when he is helpless. This is what adults should enable the child to do, but if that adult sexually abuses the child or does not respond to sexual violence against the child, the child must develop different abilities in order to creatively adapt and psychologically 'survive' in that situation of violence," says Bulatović. - Pelvis.
In families where the perpetrator of violence is someone close to the child, according to her, there are no clear rules - either they are twisted or they are chaotic, ambiguous. That, he says, confuses the child. Very often, he reminds, in these cases, physical violence, emotional neglect and social isolation of both the child and the family itself are present.
"Secondly, the child must be in a state of constant vigilance. It must follow every change, both visible and invisible, in the person who commits violence, in order to quickly recognize the signs that warn of danger. The child has to come to terms with the inner states of the one who commits violence, even though he is usually not aware of it. When he recognizes danger, he tries to avoid it or to appease the one who commits violence. It is very difficult for a child. On the one hand, there is an extraordinary alertness of the organism and anticipation, and on the other hand, the absence of movement, the child's attempt to disappear from the visual field of the perpetrator."
The victim, explains Bulatović - Medenica, is forced to "freeze" feelings of fear and sadness and to "keep internal tension under control with his immature mechanisms".
Some children, among other things, "forcibly learn to keep quiet and not verbalize about their inner experiences" for this reason.
"Very often, even when they grow up, it's as if a part of themselves remains torn away, repressed, unforgiven, isolated. If avoidance fails, some children try to appease the abuser by developing unquestioning obedience. As the way of thinking of children is different from that of adults and has its own rules, some children, in a situation of constant fear and helplessness, begin to believe in the supernatural powers of the one who commits violence. They become loyal and try to 'be good, perfect', in order to gain control over the situation and psychologically get closer to the abuser. Very often they become perfectionists in all areas of life". There are, she reminds, many other mechanisms by which a child fights with that traumatic experience. According to Bulatović - Medenica, it is especially difficult for a child that he is not protected by other important people.
"The child believes that the other parent or important adults should know what is happening to him, even though he does not talk about it. Or worse, if he tells, and the adults deny it or do not react, the child finds in it confirmation that he is not good enough, worthy of love, valuable as a being. This makes coping with the traumatic event even more difficult," concludes the psychologist.
Trauma most often "speaks" through symptoms
Trauma most often "speaks" through symptoms, claims Bulatović - Medenica. It is fundamental, he explains, that what the child tells should not be denied.
"Even if it is determined that the child did not tell the truth, which is very, very rare, the parent, the person who takes care of the child, must ask himself and check for what reason the child told it, what he needs. As the child's body is attacked, it very often happens that the child cannot safely regulate the basic body functions. This manifests itself through a disorder of sleep, eating, and a disorder of controlling bowel movements. Also, on an emotional level, due to constant anger and sadness, the child can be constantly upset, agitated, as if empty, distant from feelings, lonely, depressed". Some children, he adds, develop panic attacks, are angry or resort to the use of psychoactive substances and alcohol. Expressing perfectionism, according to Bulatović, can also be an indicator of trauma, as well as self-harm.
Three levels of protection
Bulatović - Medenica says that there are three levels of protection for victims of violence. Primary prevention, she explains, involves work to raise awareness among the public that sexual violence against children, like all forms of violence, is not something to be silent about. And that, as he says, it is not only the personal responsibility of the individual, but also a social problem.
"It is important to be aware of our personal attitude towards sexuality, how we, as parents and educators, talk to children about this topic. We are aware that sexuality on a general level is completely commercialized, and on a personal level it is something that is a taboo subject. It is necessary to send messages to children that sexuality is something that belongs to the personal, intimate sphere, but not something that children should be ashamed of. Children should also develop awareness that their body is their property and talk about it from a young age, adapted to the child's age. Pornographic content is accessible to children. It is very questionable what kind of message they are sending to the children and we should talk to them about it".
Secondary prevention, he says, is aimed at "those groups that are at high risk in the form of the formation of support groups, some more intensive work in terms of developing social and emotional skills".
The third level of protection, Bulatović explains, includes treatment for both victims of violence and perpetrators.
"Regardless of the measures and punishments in accordance with the law regulating criminal acts, the perpetrators of violence need professional help. It is necessary to integrate prevention programs in preschool and school institutions, institutions that have child care in their field of activity. In order to be able to prevent sexual violence, we must talk about it and teach children to develop a healthy relationship towards sexuality and their bodies".
The greater the social power of the abuser, the greater the likelihood that he will remain undetected
According to the psychologist, those who commit sexual violence are usually not strangers to the victims. Statistics show that they are more often men. The abuser can be someone from the family, and the most common form of incest is between a father and a daughter, and it often happens that it is also a father figure - a stepfather, a foster parent, an adoptive parent.
"Violators can be outside the family, people the child knows - a teacher, family friend, relative, neighbor... As for minor perpetrators of sexual violence, it most often happens within peer groups and families. A bully is often a person who is close to the child, whom the child loves, who teaches, brings up, someone who has either formal or informal power. They are very often respected members of a community. Unfortunately, experience shows that the greater the social power of the abuser, the greater the probability that he will remain undetected".
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