There are various explanations of the meaning of the name Zoya. One of them says that it is a name of ancient Greek origin, which in translation means life, and that it is believed that girls with that name bring joy to everyone who meets them and selflessly spread life energy.
"I bear my grandmother's name, who, unfortunately, did not welcome me. The name Zoja has more meanings, and one of them is proud", says the teacher with a smile Zoja Tarlamishaj, Baranka from Nikšić, or Nikšićanka from Bar.
Anyway. Or the simplest: Zoja - a proud woman who spreads vital energy.
"I have been in Nikšić for nine years, but I carry Bar, where I was born and where I finished primary and secondary school, in my heart. I am currently working as an intern at the Elementary School 'Radoje Čizmović' in Ozrinići. I graduated in pedagogy, I am a Roma-Egyptian activist and I advocate for the improvement of the position of my community. I am a wife and mother of two children - four years old I'm measuring, it is the only female name mentioned in the Koran, and two years younger Simon", that's how Zoja, in the shortest terms, introduces herself.
A woman's only role is not to be a wife and mother
But she is much more than that. She is someone who testifies by her example that success is possible if you don't give up on your dreams, that tradition is not destroyed if you decide to fight for your rights, that the only role of a woman is not to be a wife and mother, that members of the Roma-Egyptian (RE) community student index lies well.
"I don't remember the first five, but I assume it was in mathematics. That's why I remember the first grade - it was a unit. When I started elementary school, I didn't know the official language. The teacher assigned me to read something from the primer, and since I didn't know the language, I couldn't read it. When my father heard about the unit, he considered withdrawing me from school. However, he gave me a chance for a month or two to see if I would improve. I soon mastered the language and the material, and I started to help my friends from the majority community, who came to my house, with their homework", says Zoja with pride, who never even thought of leaving school.
As she says, her mother was also there, pushing her forward and supporting her in her dreams.
"My only task was to study, finish school, get a job and start getting paid. Our mother always told us that we had to get an education, get a job, have our own dinar, so that we wouldn't, like her, ask for money for every little thing. "Become your own people, get a job, and you have time to get married," our mother told us.
Parents ignored marriage "advertisements"
And the children obeyed her. They all finished high school, two daughters are cooks, son is a car mechanic, and Zoja is a university student. They also listened to her about getting married, although their relatives did not predict a bright future for them since they were "coming of age" and unmarried.
"My mother became an orphan at the age of seven. She was betrothed when she was 11 and her father was 20. She got married at 14 and became a mother at 16. She always told us not to follow her example, that she was an orphan and had parents so maybe her fate would have been different. She motivated us to keep going, not to give up".
When it came to marriage, both mother and father were unique - not before coming of age.
"My mother often goes to Kosovo, because she has relatives there, and they often commented on me and a relative who also wanted to finish college first, and only then get married. They said that we must not wait, that we will become grandmothers, that they can only take us to the 'winter' because no one will take us anymore. When I was 15-16 years old, they 'advertised', sent messages, but my father was firm in his position that until I finish high school and become an adult, there is no marriage. Then I can decide for myself".
And they decided. Both she and her sister. They chose guys, got married at the age of 23, both gave birth to a daughter and a son.
"The youngest sister went one step further. She is over 23 years old and still not married. And my brother didn't get married either, even though he's the oldest," says Zoja, who turns 8 on March 29, with a smile.
If mother can do it, so can I
After graduating from the "Niko Rolović" Gymnasium in Bar, she came to Nikšić, enrolled in pedagogy at the Faculty of Philosophy and, as she says, learned something more about the community she belongs to, her identity, but also about herself during her studies.
"In Bar, I didn't live in a Roma-Egyptian settlement, I didn't even know how to express my nationality in the Montenegrin language. And then I came to Nikšić to study pedagogy and got acquainted with the problems of the community itself. A relative told me that I have the right to free college, housing, and a scholarship. I asked him how when I'm not Roma. He explained to me that I have that right because I am Egyptian. He introduced me to Andrija Đukanović, who then worked in the Roma Education Fund and who explained my rights to me. At the university, I got acquainted with A fan of Deli and with her work, she joined the Center for Roma Initiatives and that's when the story of my activism started, which is still going on".
She points out that mostly young Roma and Egyptian women who married early and became mothers tell her that it would be good if they too got an education and got a job.
"A woman was not born just to get married and become a mother. That's one of her roles. I think that only when we have educated mothers, mothers who are employed, only then will we suppress early marriages because we will motivate the young generations in the best way. If you have an uneducated woman who gave birth to an average of five children, who is at home, does not know how to sign, who is completely dependent on her husband, she has not learned to do better and she has nothing to teach her daughter but to tell her: 'I am like that , so will you'. Of course, there are also rare ones, like my mother, who used to say: 'If I ended up like that, you don't have to'. Women in the Roma-Egyptian community should be empowered. If a child learns from a young age that their mother went to work, as my children learn, that their mother received a salary, that their mother bought them something, their consciousness will automatically be formed in that direction. He will know that not only his father earns and brings groceries, but also his mother. And then he goes: if my mother can do it, then I can do it, and if I can do it, then my sister can do it".
I want to live here, but also to create something
He is actively working to empower the Roma-Egyptian community, to make them aware that they do not have to be in a subordinate position, that they do not have to depend on whether someone will bring them an aid package or not, that they do not have to be uneducated, that women can and should work. And that it does not contradict the tradition.
"We don't need women from my community to learn that they will receive a package of aid because we have a project through which we will provide it. And what happens when the project ends - there is no package either. Let us train women so that they can earn money, contribute both to their budget and to the entire community. I feel that I cannot empower my community as much as a 50-year-old woman can. They will say about me that no one prevented me from studying, that they didn't marry me at the age of 15. But if a woman who is a mother of a teenager, or a grandmother, if she stands up and says, 'I've had enough of this. I want to live here, but I also want to create something', and that is another matter."
He wants visibility in society, not just in the community
And the second thing is that Zoja knows that there is no giving up, yes, as she says, if one door closes, it will always open, if not another door, then a window or two, and then it's easier to get to the door. He also knows when she was the proudest.
"When we traveled with the theater to the Roma-Egyptian communities in Podgorica and Berane, we always introduced ourselves. I was proud when I introduced myself as a student of pedagogy, and they looked at me in wonder. I was even more proud when, year after year, I would say that I was in my second or third year, because that showed that I was progressing step by step and that I was closer to my goal. Then I got married, got pregnant, and didn't graduate. It depressed me a little. But I didn't give up. My daughter "took" exams while she was still in the womb, and I got the best grades then. It is difficult to describe in words the feeling when I went to defend my diploma with my daughter. I know that I was the proudest then, because I proved that I can be both a mother and a wife and finish college."
If she succeeded, so can other young Roma and Egyptian women, says a proud woman who spreads vital energy. They can and must finish school, get a job, be independent. But the state can and must give them an equal chance. Their diplomas are not "reserved" only for work related to the RE community.
"Girls must not drop out of school and their goal should not be just to finish primary school. Any trade is better than sitting at home and waiting for someone to help them, or for their husband to give them money tomorrow. They should finish school and be independent. A woman can succeed if she is economically independent. If he has his dinar, then he can do anything. I also believe that if I am a Romani or Egyptian woman, the state should not only provide me with the job of a mediator that concerns the RE community. We can work in other areas and with the majority community. I enrolled in pedagogy in order to work with children, but not only with Roma-Egyptian children, but with all children. I want us to be visible in Montenegrin society, and not only in front of our community".
Bonus video:
