Internalized misogyny: When a woman is a woman - a wolf

You tell a joke about a blonde or laugh when someone else tells that joke. When you see a badly parked car, you think - there must be a woman behind the wheel. Such reactions and comments are a path to misogyny, a phenomenon that describes men's aversion to women and girls. When a woman does this to another woman, it is internalized misogyny, which, according to "Vijesti" interlocutors, is not a rare occurrence, and women are often not even aware that they are projecting sexist ideas and gender norms, not only on other women, but also on themselves.

"I think we often don't recognize the misogyny in our own comments. The reason for this is insufficient information about the meaning of the term 'misogyny', and thus ignorance of all the determinants that are covered by it", says playwright Sandra Vujović.

As one of the banal ones, he cites the example of telling jokes about blondes.

"We'll tell a joke about a blonde or we'll laugh at a joke someone else told. Most of the time, we won't even be aware that the joke is extremely offensive to an entire large group of women. We will, without much thought, accept it as a joke. We will not even notice that this joke is full of sexism, belittling and underestimating the intelligence of women with light hair. And sexism and belittling are an integral part of misogyny," she adds.

As another, he cites an equally common example - when, say, we come across clips or photos on social networks that show a poorly parked car.

"Under such a video or photo, we will come across countless comments 'ah, it must be a woman behind the wheel'. Another example of generalization and belittling by implying that women are weaker drivers. Over time, we have developed some seemingly harmless, stereotypical beliefs about women and, unfortunately, we use them, both consciously and unconsciously, to feed misogyny and undermine the idea of ​​gender equality," adds Vujović.

How grandmothers, aunts and mothers "cultivate" patriarchy

Nikolina Pavićević, activist and creator of the Instagram page "Kritički", in the author's text "Internalized misogyny: how and why we are taught not to love other women", among other things, states that internalized misogyny can most often be recognized through negative comments on things that are considered " feminine" - the color pink, hanging out with other girls, cosmetics... but, he adds, "it penetrates much deeper than that, so it affects the way we see and value the women in our lives, how we talk about women's rights, how we treat other women".

"If you try to think back to the way women talked about other women when you were growing up, what comes to mind? If you ask me, it's very unusual that sometimes the biggest bearers of patriarchy in our lives are actually grandmothers, aunts, mothers... I heard from older women for the first time that a lover 'broke up' a marriage. Even then, it wasn't clear to me how it was that a man cheated on a woman without his part in it. Every burden would fall on the woman - the man is passive, and she is the active actress who disturbed it all," writes Nikolina.

The story of what is "feminine" for Sandra Vujović is just a special problem.

"Who even prescribes the standards of what is feminine and what is not? What befits a woman and what doesn't. A woman, just like a man, is primarily a human being, and everything that belongs to human beings belongs to her. She is not subordinate to anyone, she is not anyone's property and no one can prescribe to her what is allowed and what is not. He has the right to inherited property, just like a man. He does not have to give her up in favor of her husband, son, brother. She has the right to advance in her career, to earn and spend her money, to love, to be loved, to divorce and remarry. To decide for herself whether she will fulfill herself as a mother or not. To be a housewife or not to be. He has the right to enjoy life and be a free, thinking, educated man. In my opinion, these are the only acceptable features of 'femininity' and 'masculinity', because men have the same rights," she says.

Insults, not compliments

About how society perceives women, and how women see themselves, Nikolina states that, in addition to family, social networks, movies and series we watch, as well as any kind of media content, play an important role.

According to the analyzes of the Media Institute, established Montenegrin media are not recognized in their editorial content as platforms for disseminating contentious content or hate speech, or even misogyny, but they are not rare in the comments written by visitors to the portals of these media.

Journalist Vesna Rajković Nenadić from IMCG says that sometimes they don't even recognize the journalists themselves.

"With us, it is still completely normal to receive an insulting comment from the interlocutor under the guise of an alleged compliment - I am sure that most do not recognize that there is something controversial, for example," she says.

What are the causes of internalized misogyny?

"If we are taught from childhood that we exist and that there are 'other girls', and that we must not be like other girls, because they are not good, obedient, smart enough, we will create resistance towards girls, later towards women who do not fit into the gender and other roles, which are culturally created, and to internalize misogynistic ideas and patterns that have been transmitted to us through attitudes and stereotypes in the media, family, educational system and social environment", says psychologist and psychotherapist in education Dragana Đokić.

The process of internalizing misogyny, as she said, can happen through different mechanisms - socialization, internalization of gender roles, identification and learning.

"It is important to know that internalized misogyny can arise from a series of experiences that a woman experiences, mostly in childhood, as a girl, and in adulthood she projects onto herself or others. "Significant others, who are behavioral models for us in early childhood, can transmit their behavior patterns that contain misogynistic elements to us through, for example, their attitude towards other women and comments addressed to others and to other women," said Đokić.

She explains that there is a strong connection between socio-economic status and internalized misogyny and that it can arise from both bad and favorable living conditions.

"A girl who grows up in poor socio-economic conditions receives messages that she is not good enough and valuable, which she can later pass on to others. On the other hand, a girl who grows up in favorable socio-economic conditions can perceive such a position as an opportunity to demonstrate power, often over other girls from an environment she perceives as less valuable, based on her socio-economic position. Then a vicious circle is created," she explains.

Đokić adds, identification with the aggressor can also contribute to the internalization of misogyny.

"When women are exposed to sexism, discrimination or violence, they may try to adapt to the expectations of a patriarchal society in order to avoid further punishment or exclusion, on the principle of 'if you can't beat them, join them.' This can result in accepting negative beliefs about one's own gender as a protection mechanism or as an attempt to gain acceptance and reward within the patriarchal system," said Đokić.

Internalized misogyny can also be associated with low self-esteem and perfectionism, so women with lower self-esteem, she explains, can more easily accept negative beliefs about themselves and their worth that are linked to patriarchal norms and project those same beliefs onto other women from their environment. .

Đokić also said that women who are more inclined to set high standards for themselves and fear failure can adapt to traditional gender norms in order to avoid condemnation or rejection, but expect the same from other women.

Learning for life

How to fight against misogyny in general and when a woman is a wolf to a woman, Đokić said that there is no universal solution. However, he adds, it is good to understand that this requires a combination of continuous education from preschool age, individual work on oneself and the support of society.

"Awareness of gender inequalities and stereotypes can help in understanding and recognizing internalized misogyny, it is important to work on changing social norms that support and maintain misogyny, because we must work on social changes, so that they can help the individual. Women who are aware of its existence can work on developing resistance to misogynistic beliefs and create a new set of beliefs, which will be the opposite of this one," says Đokić.

"Beauty of Vice", "Jovana Lukina", "My Sweetheart, "Exposed"...

Speaking about the contribution of Montenegrin culture in the education of everyone in society on the topic of misogyny, Sandra Vujović cites Živko Nikolić's films "The Beauty of Vice" and "Jovan Lukin" as particularly valuable.

"I think it was the first step in criticizing the Montenegrin hard-line patriarchy," she said.

After Živko, however, there was a long silence, but the interlocutor of "Vijesti" says that she is happy that gender equality and feminism are the focus of more and more authors today.

"Numerous topics that form the core of misogyny were opened up: the right to inherit family property (the campaign 'And in the family and in the home'), selective abortions (the campaign #Neželjena), the 'Small school of violation of patriarchy' organized by the Center for Women's Rights, numerous activities aimed at on the empowerment of women to take more intensive participation in decisive positions in politics, public life and business, then a series of theater plays such as 'Ščeri moja', 'Mother Earth', 'Exposed'... I believe that soon there will be more similar activities and that we will misogyny, as the driving fuel of hard-line patriarchy, to be broken together with the unjust patriarchy that deeply divides us, makes us unequal and hinders civilizational development", said Vujović.

The topic for the media is only when the NGO sector reacts, and the female officials remain silent

Speaking about misogyny in the media, IMCG says that the established ones, although they are not recognized in the editorial content as platforms for spreading hate speech, or even misogyny, most often miss the opportunity to point out that a statement contains elements of misogyny, do not put things in context and do not give the bigger picture.

According to the journalist Rajković Nenadić, misogyny has been especially pronounced in recent years towards women in the public sphere - women in the NGO sector, politicians and journalists. However, she adds, both male and female journalists sometimes register misogyny only when the non-governmental sector reacts to controversial public statements or the most drastic examples are involved.

Even female officials do not react to such speech, she adds.

"I will cite the example of the patriarch of the Serbian Orthodox Church (SPC) and his last statement about women. Did you hear that any official from the Montenegrin government condemned that statement? Although the SPC is the largest religious community in Montenegro and they all say they are believers of that organization. "How was that statement treated in the Montenegrin media", she asks.