Warning: The text contains descriptions of sexual violence that may be disturbing and particularly difficult for those who have had similar experiences.
I was sexually abused as a child by my stepbrother, who is 10 years older than me. When he was in high school, he would play pornographic tapes to us when we were alone at home. He was also physically violent when he got angry, both towards me and my mother (his stepmother). This behavior continued for years. At the time, I thought it was all normal, says a man who responded to an online questionnaire Center for Investigative Journalism of Montenegro (CIN-CG) on sexual abuse within the family, including incest.
This man's experience is not an isolated one. Between 2005 and 2017 alone, the Montenegrin Women's Lobby (CŽL) reported 30 cases of incest in Montenegro, resulting in eight babies.
During this research, CIN-CG came across several testimonies from people who confided in each other and told of their experiences of sexual abuse within their immediate and extended families.
Experts point out that sexual abuse of children in Montenegro, including incest, most often remains "within four walls", because survivors do not trust institutions, and families usually protect the perpetrator and thus become accomplices.
"Incest is a form of sexual violence that is most often ignored in Montenegro, because the family is considered sacred and must not be violated," the activist and director of the CŽL told CIN-CG. Aida Petrović.
CŽL has been providing support to victims of incest for more than two decades. It became interested in the problem of incest in Montenegro in 2000., when in Nikšić, a then-underage teenager killed her father with an axe, after he had sexually abused her sisters, mother and her for a long time. The girl then told her story to the Montenegrin media.
MOST CASES DO NOT REACH INSTITUTIONS
CIN-CG attempted to obtain data on the number of reports, initiated proceedings, court verdicts, and cases of suspected incest in social work centers. Of the institutions that responded, most had not encountered suspicions or the commission of this crime.
The Police Directorate and the Higher State Prosecutor's Offices did not respond to questions about the number of reports and initiated proceedings for incest. CIN-CG found two verdicts and three cases of suspected sexual abuse of children by close relatives at the Mojkovac Social Work Center that occurred in the last 10 years.
"In two cases, it turned out that sexual abuse actually occurred. In such situations, we apply the Protocol on Action, Prevention and Protection from Violence against Women and Domestic Violence, as well as the Family Law. We act in accordance with the report of violence, and we attend the hearings of children in the police, prosecutor's office and court. Children are removed from the family and, if necessary, placed in a foster family or in a social and child protection institution," the Center for Social Work in Mojkovac told CIN-CG.
"It is estimated that between eight and 31 percent of girls and between three and 17 percent of boys globally experience some form of sexual abuse in childhood or adolescence, of which 30 percent of cases occur within the family. However, this data is only the tip of the iceberg, because in most cases we never learn about it," explains Dr. Jelisaveta Sanja Rolović, Doctor of Clinical Psychology, family psychotherapist, who has been working in the United States (USA) for more than three decades with children and families in whom sexual abuse has been discovered.
According to UNICEF data from 2025, the scale of sexual violence against children globally is frighteningly high. It is estimated that 650 million girls and women worldwide, one in five, have experienced sexual violence before the age of 18. Of these, more than 370 million, or one in eight, have experienced rape or sexual assault in childhood. Similar patterns are present among boys and men. Between 410 and 530 million, or about one in seven, have suffered some form of sexual violence as a child. Of these, 240 to 310 million, or about one in eleven, have experienced rape or sexual assault in childhood.
Between eight and 16 percent of children have experienced sexual violence during their lifetime, and between five and ten percent of children have experienced sexual violence during the year in which they were surveyed, according to one of the most comprehensive studies on violence against children in this region, “Lifetime and One-Year Prevalence of Child Exposure to Violence in Nine Balkan Countries: BECAN Study” from 2018. Although Montenegro was not included in this study, it can provide a general picture of the environment. The percentages of children who self-reported exposure to sexual violence ranged from two to almost eight percent in the last year and from three and a half to almost 10 percent throughout their lifetime.
Dr. Rolović points out that child sexual abuse involves any involvement of a child in sexual activity that the child does not understand, does not agree with and/or is not mature enough for, where the abuser is in a position of power and is abusing the child's trust.
"Therefore, abuse does not only include the act of penetration, but also exposing a child to pornographic content, showing the child's genitals and touching the child in a sexual manner, inducing the child to touch the perpetrator in a certain way..."
JUDICIAL OMISSIONS
The Criminal Code of Montenegro (CCM) treats incest as a criminal offense of incest (Article 223 of the current CCM). The law defines it as sexual intercourse or sexual intercourse between blood relatives - between parents and children, grandparents and grandchildren, as well as between brothers and sisters. This offense is punishable by up to five years in prison, while earlier versions of the code prescribed a milder punishment.
Incest is legally distinct from rape, as the law does not require proof of the use of force or threat, but only the existence of a prohibited sexual relationship between relatives. However, if there is an element of coercion, threat or exploitation of a minor, then such an act is also qualified as rape, or a form of sexual abuse of a child under 14, with much more severe penalties. However, in practice, cases of incest (incest) are rarely prosecuted, often due to stigma, fear of victims and family pressures, but also procedural errors, so this article of the law remains among the least applied in the Montenegrin judiciary.
Thus, in a 2015 verdict by the Higher Court in Podgorica, a man was acquitted of charges of rape and incest. The case allegedly occurred in 1999, and the victim was the man's underage daughter. She told the court that after her father returned from abroad, she was left alone with him in the house and that he soon began to behave disturbingly towards her. She described him as a nervous and violent man and claimed that he raped her every day for a month and threatened to kill her. The defendant himself initially said that because he had been drinking a lot, he could not remember whether he had had sexual relations with his daughter, and that he believed that if he had had relations, he did not force her. However, after the indictment, he changed his statement and was explicit in his claims that he had never committed the crime.
During the 2015 trial, the court heard witnesses and considered numerous expert reports, but key statements came from an investigation conducted more than a decade earlier. At that time, the minor victim gave her testimony without warning that she would not have to testify against a close relative, so the court concluded that her testimony could not be used as evidence. According to the court, the material evidence did not confirm that force or threats were used, and the defendant was acquitted of the rape charge. The incest charge was also dismissed, as the statute of limitations had expired.
In a recent case, from 2022, the Court of Appeal of Montenegro overturned a verdict of the High Court in Bijelo Polje that sentenced a man to three years in prison for the crime of incest - for abusing his own sister. The court found that the first-instance proceedings were conducted with serious procedural flaws, that witnesses from close relatives, including the injured party herself and her parents, were heard without legal warning that they had the right not to testify against a family member, which is why the verdict was annulled and the case was sent back for a retrial.
Such court decisions show how difficult it is for the judiciary to deal with sensitive cases of domestic sexual violence.
Repeated procedures further prolong the trauma and discourage reporting, he tells CIN-CG. Ana Jaredić, psychologist and coordinator of the Support Program for Persons Who Have Suffered Domestic Violence at the Center for Women's Rights (CŽP).
"Every time the case returns to the beginning, the survivor has to go through painful memories again, to re-explain what they have already said and to prove again that they are telling the truth. In such a process, due to retraumatization, their stories understandably change, not because they are lying, but because they are reliving what they are trying to forget. Instead of a sense of protection, a sense of guilt and powerlessness often appears. In this way, the system, instead of being an ally, becomes a reminder of the violence that has already been experienced," explains Jaredić.
HONOR IN SEEMINGLY STABLE AND FUNCTIONAL FAMILIES
Although pediatricians are often the first to identify cases of child abuse and therefore have an important role in recognizing child sexual abuse, in Montenegro this staff is not fully prepared for this, according to the 2020 study "Perceived skill and readiness to respond to child sexual abuse: an assessment of pediatricians in Serbia and Montenegro", whose authors are Dr. Jelisaveta Sanja Rolović i Nikola Stevanović121 pediatricians from Montenegro participated in the study, which at that time constituted half of the total number in the country.
Almost 30 percent of pediatricians surveyed believed that "most children are sexually abused by complete strangers or people the child does not know well," 36 percent believed that child sexual abuse most often occurs in poor, unstable, or dysfunctional families, and 43 percent believed that child sexual abuse is caused by problems such as unemployment, poverty, or alcoholism, while 12 percent believed that talking to a child who has experienced sexual abuse can worsen the situation for the child.
"The results of the study show that these pediatricians had mistaken beliefs. More than 90 percent of young victims of sexual abuse know their abuser from before, and 30 percent of abusers are family members. This can be a parent, most often a father, but also an uncle, a family friend... Sexual abuse of children often occurs in seemingly stable and functional families, and has nothing to do with social status, alcoholism, or unemployment," Dr. Rolović explains to CIN-CG.
The study also found that only 16 percent of pediatricians surveyed (19 of them) confirmed that they had encountered child sexual abuse at least once during their practice. However, only four of them reported the cases. Although this is a small sample, this suggests that almost 80 percent of pediatricians who encountered child sexual abuse did not report the cases.
It is alarming that 93 percent of pediatricians surveyed believe they are not sufficiently trained to recognize the signs of child sexual abuse, while only seven percent of them consider themselves competent to recognize these signs.
The World Health Organization (WHO) recognizes the problem of child sexual abuse as a public health issue, among other things, but in the pediatric literature globally, child sexual abuse has not received the same attention as physical abuse, according to this study, which indicates the need for a greater focus on understanding and addressing this problem.
WITHOUT SYSTEM SUPPORT
Incestuous abuse continues to occur quietly in our families, often unseen and unspoken. It is one of the most difficult traumas a child can experience, and at the same time the most hidden, because it takes place where they should be safest - in their home. In practice, we encounter it more than the public would think, because most cases never see the light of day," the psychologist and psychotherapist explains to CIN-CG Adriana Pejaković, with extensive experience working with children who have survived domestic sexual abuse.
The most common patterns include: long-term manipulative behavior, threats, emotional blackmail, and isolation of the victim. “Abuse rarely starts suddenly - it often develops gradually, through the violation of boundaries, the building of secrets, and the gradual subjugation of the child,” Pejaković points out.
"There is also a 'good image of the family' on the outside, while on the inside there is silent drama and normalized violence. In these cases, the child almost never comes forward to speak spontaneously. They usually speak when they are already completely broken, when the tension becomes unbearable. Or never. And every time we hear such a story, even after a long time, the feeling remains that the child has been alone in that pain for too long," explains Pejaković.
In Montenegro, after leaving an abusive family, children are usually placed with relatives, foster families, or social welfare institutions, but the change of environment alone does not erase the fear that has accumulated in them for years.
"Many of these children do not sleep at night, are afraid of silence, check the door, have panic attacks or sudden mood swings, because the trauma continues to play out inside even when there is no longer any violence outside. If they do not receive adequate psychological support immediately, they often develop attachment disorders, anxiety, depression or self-destructive behavior in adolescence," says Pejaković.
She also explains that in cases of incest, i.e. sexual abuse of children within the family, it is most important that everyone who comes into contact with the child has an understanding of the psychological consequences of trauma and that they act in a way that does not expose the child to additional stress.
"The process of testifying, meeting with adults, and recalling traumatic events must be carefully guided and in the presence of a professional who understands the child's emotional reactions."
It is crucial that the child feels safe, that no one suspects them, and that they have support while talking about something that is most difficult for them.
"Good cooperation between institutions, with clearly defined procedures and continuity in professional work, can significantly reduce the risk of retraumatization," believes Pejaković.
Abuse rarely begins suddenly - it often develops gradually, through the violation of boundaries, the building of secrets and the gradual subjugation of the child.
The problem, she claims, is that the system does not offer permanent solutions.
"The child moves away, but does not heal. In some smaller communities, there are not enough experts for working with trauma, so children are left alone with their nightmares, just in a different house. In ideal circumstances, leaving a violent family would be the beginning of a new life, but without continuous psychological, educational and social support, it can become just another move and additional trauma for the child," Pejaković points out.
In the USA, says Dr. Rolović, the frequency of child abuse in the family is no less, but the system offers good support thanks to social welfare centers that are intended exclusively for children.
Jaredić explains that there is no systemic help for survivors in the form of integrative therapies and that they rarely see psychotherapists because of the trauma they experienced in their family.
"Usually people come forward because of some symptoms that bother them in their daily lives, difficulties in functioning. Only later, during therapy, do we discover the trauma of incest," says Jaredić.
Petrović also claims that survivors rarely speak out. It is especially difficult when children are born from incest.
"One girl was pregnant. We didn't know who the father was. It wasn't until her 12-year-old sister came looking for her and complained that her father was going to bed with her at night that she found the strength to tell us what she had experienced at the hands of her father and that the child was born from incest," explains Petrović.
This is just one example of a family that never took criminal action against the abuser.
"Mothers most often know when a father is an incestuous abuser - but they keep quiet," explains Petrović.
According to Petrović, an old woman in her eighties contacted her organization several years ago.
"She told me that her daughter died of cancer in her fifties and that only now does she really regret asking her daughter to keep quiet when her uncle raped her. The abuse had been going on for a long time, and her mother told her daughter not to mention 'that disgrace' to anyone. She soon found a groom for her - so that everyone could say she was normal, she got married, nothing happened. The rest of her life, as her mother said, she spent 'like a tree' - without a shred of emotion, not even towards her own children. It is obvious that the trauma stayed with her for the rest of her life," explains Petrović.
SURVIVORS NEED A DEDICATED WITNESS
"What survivors miss the most after leaving an abusive family is a sense of safety, not only physical, but also emotional. For years, many do not believe that there is a place where they can relax without fear of being hurt. They lack stability, continuity, and someone who will be there for them even when they are not making progress quickly. There are chances for recovery, but they are conditioned by the availability of therapists who understand trauma and systemic support that does not stop after reporting. Unfortunately, there are few experts, and those who do work are often overworked and without supervision," explains Pejaković.
"A teenage girl came in a few years ago, who made it clear to us that she and her sister were going through incestuous abuse at the hands of their father. He asked them to sleep together in bed, assuring them that it was nothing. He walked naked in front of them. However, the girl, now an adult, recently came forward and asked me to forget what she had been telling me. She said that her father was good and that he loved her," says Petrović.
People who go through the trauma of incest often remain in relationships with their parents, the abuser, and the entire family, he explains. Alis Miler, one of the world's leading therapists in the field of child trauma. As she states in her book "The Body Never Lies," girls who are sexually abused by their fathers usually encounter contempt and hatred from their mothers. They then become "hungry for love" and often bond with their abuser in the hope that his exploitation will one day become true fatherly love. Children repress what happened to them, and in adulthood they become people who cannot connect with their emotions, explains Miller. That is why it is crucial for those who have survived incest to be able to tell their story to someone who will be a dedicated listener, a witness. It is best if this is a professional therapist who is trained to work with severe childhood trauma. It is important that they are allowed to feel the anger and hatred towards the abuser, but also towards the family that covered up the abuse, and that they have the strength to end relationships with such families, which is something they find difficult to decide to do as adults.
Research by a feminist specializing in the study of sexual violence against women and girls, including rape, incestuous abuse, femicide, and pornography, Diane Russell, from 1986, showed that 63 percent of women who had experienced sexual abuse within the family by the age of 14 later experienced rape or attempted rape. By comparison, among women who did not report sexual abuse in childhood, this percentage was 35 percent. Therefore, sexual abuse in childhood doubles the risk of repeated abuse in adulthood.
Incest is not just an individual pathology, but often a reflection of deeply disturbed family relationships in which there are no clear boundaries between roles, emotions and power. A typical pattern is the father being the abuser, and the mother being the passive figure who maintains the father's system of control and power. Although there are other examples. The perpetrator of incest rarely uses power, preferring to choose manipulation and use the child's love to provoke a sense of guilt in him.
“When society puts the preservation of the image of the family above the well-being of the child, it becomes an accomplice, and that is the most difficult part of this dynamic. The system must learn not to view the family as an idealized unit, but as a space that can be both safe and dangerous. And we, as a community, must start believing children before we believe family myths,” explains Pejaković.
Dr. Rolović, who works with family members in which child sexual abuse occurs, explains that it is very complicated that the perpetrator is often also the child's guardian - he performs the duties of care, attention, concern, everything that constitutes a parental role, and then abuses it.
"Because of all this, the survivor has mixed feelings towards the perpetrator, and a strong feeling of love and attachment, which makes getting out of this trauma complicated. But it is still not impossible," points out Dr. Rolović.
Dedicated support is key, but various other factors also influence survivors' recovery from this trauma.
"And although it is difficult, survivors, with proper treatment, can absolutely overcome trauma, they do not have to live their lives with permanent consequences, as is generally believed."
EARLY RECOGNITION AND EDUCATION OF CHILDREN IS NEEDED
Children can learn to recognize inappropriate behavior if they are spoken to in a warm, clear, and understandable manner, explains Pejaković.
"In many countries, children are taught that their bodies belong only to them, that they have the right to say no, that a bad feeling in their stomach must be taken seriously. In our country, it is still taboo, because parents often believe that it has no place in school," says Pejaković, noting that there are successful models from Scandinavian countries, Canada and Australia, which connect schools, psychologists and parents through joint workshops.
Dr. Rolović emphasizes the importance of sex education and open discussion about sexual abuse in the family. Sex education in schools has not yet taken root in Montenegro.
The psychotherapist also says that some perpetrators of domestic sexual abuse are often overly protective of the child, limit the child's contact with others, including peers, and hesitate to seek medical help for the child's injuries or psychotherapy for problematic behavior.
"There is a lack of emotional connection in their relationship with the child, but there is excessive physical contact, they make sexual remarks about the child, they want to sleep in the same bed with the child, they are secretive in the presence of the child, they isolate themselves with the child, and they express jealousy towards other family members."
And although it is difficult, survivors, with proper treatment, can absolutely overcome trauma and do not have to live with permanent consequences, as is generally believed.
Physical indicators that a child is experiencing sexual abuse may include pain, irritation, or injury in the genital or anal region, torn or bloody underwear, and the presence of sexually transmitted infections. Behaviorally, the child may exhibit sexualized actions that are inappropriate for his or her age, a return to behavior characteristic of much younger children, increased masturbation, or unusual sexualized behavior toward peers...
"Withdrawal, depression, mood swings, compulsive habits such as excessive bathing, as well as self-harm, running away from home, alcohol or drug use, and even suicide attempts are common. Decreased concentration, poorer school performance, and loss of interest in activities that the child previously enjoyed can also be important signals. On the emotional level, the child may experience deep anxiety, depression, withdrawal, and eating disorders, such as anorexia," says Dr. Rolović.
The man from the beginning of the article, who shared his experience through the CIN-CG questionnaire, says that for a long time he was unaware that his stepbrother was sexually abusing him.
"Today I know that it shaped me, which is evident in my current relationships, but I'm trying to change some patterns, and I've managed to distance myself somewhat from my family, especially from that half-brother. The worst thing is that everything is known, forgiven and hidden - if it's my 'tribe', which is very bad."
Call for help.
If you are experiencing violence or know someone who is experiencing violence, call:
National SOS line for victims of domestic violence: 080 111 111 (toll-free number, available 24 hours)
Police: 122 (emergencies and reporting of crimes)
SOS hotline for children and youth: 116 111 (free number for help and advice)
Women's Safe House SOS phone: 069 013-321
Women's Rights Center: +382 67 166 800
Bonus video:
