Phelps opens up about the problem with depression: Every little thing is a trigger, I will never recover

Michael Phelps is the greatest Olympian in history with 23 gold medals, he is certainly among the greatest athletes ever. But the famous American swimmer has been in a big crisis for years - he has not been involved in sports since 2016 due to mental problems...

"How are you? How many times a day do we hear that question and how many times do we answer "good" and move on. And how often do we really admit the truth to ourselves and to others? You know how I am? Let's put it this way: I'm still breathing. My feelings in recent months have they're constantly changing. For me personally, the coronavirus pandemic was the scariest period I've ever been through," Phelps tells ESPN and adds:

"All this insecurity, having to sit indoors which I'm not used to, so many unanswered questions..., it all made me crazy. I'm always on edge, always on the defensive and every little thing is a trigger. There are moments when I feel completely worthless, but there's a rage inside me just waiting to come out. Honestly, I've often screamed that I wish I wasn't me. Sometimes there's just this feeling that overwhelms me, the feeling that I can't handle it anymore. There are days when I would like to be some Johnny Johnson, some ordinary person," adds Metak from Baltimore.

Phelps first spoke about his struggle with depression after the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro.

"It wasn't easy to admit that I'm not perfect, but that admission made my life easier and I want to continue to talk about it openly, because I want people who struggle with the same things to understand that they are not alone. Everyone who struggles like me knows very well that it never ends. You have good days and you have bad days, but there is no finish line in this fight."

"I did so many interviews after Rio and the story was basically the same: 'Phelps opened up about his depression, he got professional help, he won gold at his last Games and now he's doing better.'" I wish that was true and that is so simple. But the real truth is that I will never be cured."

He also revealed how he is fighting a serious illness.

"I exercise for several hours in the morning. I wake up between 5:15 and 7 and I don't need an alarm. Of course, there are days when I don't feel like doing it, but even then I force myself because I know that it is as important for my mental health as it is for my physical health. If I miss even one day, it's a disaster. Then I get into a negative thinking pattern and when that happens, I'm the only one who can stop it. Lunch every day has to be at 17 p.m., it's my responsibility, I love to cook, and it helps me in a way. There are those moments when I'm completely trapped in my own head, when I think it can't get any worse, and then Boomer, my four-year-old son, comes up to me, hugs me and tells me he loves me. When you least expect it. And that's the best feeling in the world," Phelps said.

Everything was easier when he was actively engaged in swimming.

"When I was swimming, the pool was my escape. I would use all the anger that existed in me and turn it into motivation. But now that escape is gone and I've learned that in those situations it's important to take a step back. Take a deep breath and asking yourself where these feelings are coming from, why I'm so angry... That's what I've learned in treatment. But when you're in that mood, you don't always want to do what you know is right," Phelps concluded.