I'm trying to imagine what a film announcing my recovery from cancer would look like. It would probably look more like a trailer for a new zombie movie than an ad for some air freshener. It probably wouldn't be anything like the video the Princess of Wales released to mark the end of her therapy.
In my film, a walk through the wheat fields would be replaced by a struggle with a neglected garden that I didn't have the strength to tidy up for more than a year - before I would have to sit down again because I was exhausted. A rapturous leaning against a tree, he would replace a rest by a street lamp on the way to work with a soft sob. The shiny hair and complexion would replace what one of my doctors described as “a kind of grayness” that seems to linger in patients for some time after chemotherapy.
Of course, Katherine didn't plan on releasing a video of her crying on the beach while wondering if the cancer is going to come back and why she's not enjoying every moment of her precious post-cancer life now (like I did last summer).
Her desire to return to work was not planned to be publicly followed by her describing her fears that she had forgotten how to do it or that she might not be able to go through the day without taking a break or crying or both (I've mentioned this to people often).
And of course, she couldn't show up in her pajamas wondering why she still sometimes struggles to get out of bed even though therapy is over. Her film is the version you would publish on Facebook, from which you cut out all the unpleasantness. However, despite this, I still find it quite unrealistic to see such great pictures of the post-cancer period.
When the princess first announced that she had cancer, in a video in March, I was very touched. As someone who had been diagnosed with breast cancer two years earlier and was just finishing therapy, I could relate to her shock and fears for the future. I hoped that her treatment would be successful.
I hope people found comfort in the royal video, but a film made after my treatment would be more gray and uncomfortable and perhaps closer to what many patients go through
And I'm really glad that she was able to recover. But this new movie upset me in a different way. Her message of hope is beautiful, but this soft picture of life after chemotherapy - despite the words that go with it - underestimates the effort that patients and their families are exposed to. The words cancer and chemotherapy cover a whole spectrum of things, but if you've never experienced either up close, you should know that it doesn't always look like this.
Yes, there will be other people who have been through it and come out the other side looking the same, but for many there are mental and physical scars that may never heal. It's clear that no one sees the royal family as a representation of reality, but they seem to be reaching out to us as if we can relate to what Catherine is going through.
Although some of the feelings were very familiar to me, the whole package was so far away that I wished I hadn't watched it. I'm glad I didn't watch it right after I finished chemo, when I was definitely gray and more anxious than I am now about getting back into the world.
I hope it gave other people who watched it more comfort than it did me. And, of course, this is her recovery that she should celebrate and communicate the way she wants - and I really hope that the way it was done was her choice. But for all those worried because you can't relate: please rest assured that other cancer patients might make a completely different movie.
In my version, there would be happiness and love, but there would be fear in the background. I've written before about how cancer made me pretty scary at times and put those closest to me to the test, and my film would definitely include discussions about the dishwasher.
The type of chemotherapy I received meant a lot of hair loss, so there would be hairstyles that dealt with the combination of baldness and normal hair. There would be a little more anger and confusion about what I might get out of the whole experience. And as for sepia toning. Well, it probably wouldn't go with my gray fade, so my film would definitely be shot without a filter.
The text is taken from "The Guardian"
Translation: NB
Bonus video:
