After the fall of Kabul on August 15, 2021, and as the Taliban re-established the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan, women across the country sought ways to cope with the fact that their lives had suddenly been upended.
A group of women writers between the ages of 22 and 60, from different provinces and ethnic groups, have found solace in an online journal, which they share through an app with the help of a small UK-based organization called Untold, which works with writers marginalized by social circumstances or conflict. .
Excerpts from that collective diary - which now contains over 1500 posts and 200 words - mark the anniversary of the fall of Kabul, and reveal what has changed in the past year and what has remained the same.
These women are on the cultural front line. Their diary is an archive of another turning point in Afghanistan's turbulent history.
Fatima, August 15, 2021; 08:08
The Taliban have arrived in our area. They held a meeting with the locals and said: "We don't care about your girls, as long as they respect the Islamic hijab."
Samira, August 15, 2021; 08:09
They're lying. They said the same in Herat.
Fatima H, August 15, 2021; 08:24
We are in Herat. I don't think I can go to university anymore.
Marie, August 15, 2021; 08:37
One of the girls left a note saying that the Taliban have started a door-to-door search, so it's best to destroy any documents that show you've worked with foreign organizations. That message was like a sledgehammer blow - we spent that day collecting all our family books and documents for my father to burn. I burned all my books on journalism and politics. As the pages burned, I felt like a part of me was burning. With my own hands I have to destroy what I value most. I need to step on them for my own survival.
Batul, August 15, 2021; 08:54
Ladies in Kabul, keep calm and don't go out. I hope nothing happens in Kabul. I believe that he will speak from the presidential palace soon and we will find out what is happening.
Marijam, August 15, 2021; 09:00
Why did they shut down the media if nothing is happening?
Nargis, August 16, 2021; 02:09
My daughters' final exams are tomorrow. I have to decide whether to let them go to school. It is a very difficult decision. They want to go. They think it will be their last day at school and after that they will be prisoners in the house, but if they leave the house they can be whipped.
I decided to be brave and let them go. In the afternoon I heard rumors that the Taliban had reached the gates of Kabul. How am I going to get my girls home? The road is blocked. It took them five hours to make a journey that usually takes 20 minutes. Although it is day, darkness is spreading. For girls and women, this is like 20 years ago.
Zaynab, August 15, 2021; 19:57
I boiled water and added dishwashing detergent. I dip my notebooks and scripts one by one in hot water. My father told me that the ashes of all those books cannot be hidden, but if you soak them in sudsing water and then wash them like clothes, no traces of your writing will remain. Now that the Taliban are here, my words are just a bunch of garbage.
Fatima, September 8, 2021; 14:54
The Taliban banned women from entering the university complex. All their promises are false. I can't stand being in a cage. I want to be free, study, travel, work, laugh out loud. I have to get away from here, a place where promises are broken every day.
Naima, September 18, 2021; 15:23
One of my nieces said that her husband treats her differently. He told her that her voice could be heard in the previous government because the whole world was with her. But now she must obey his orders. She also said that he used to listen to her while they were talking, but now he replies: "You have nothing to talk about, stick to cooking and cleaning." But they are not to blame. When the government acts against you, others will use it to settle personal scores.
Nargis, September 18, 18; 2021:17
I opened the shelf and took out my indigo chadari (Afghan burqa). I bought it 25 years ago, when the regime declared it mandatory clothing for women. While I was organizing the shelf, just a few days before August 15th, I took out the chadari to throw it away - I hadn't worn it in 20 years. I left her outside, but no one touched her and I returned her to the dressing room. Today I put it on and went outside with my son, worried and nervous.
Zainab, October 7, 2021; 13:56
I know that cleanliness and style are not so important anymore. Today, I walked along the dirt path towards Pul-e-Surk Square, dust falling on my feet with every step. I came across a gathering. Three Taliban in a red Corolla stopped a girl and shouted at her. The crowd, mostly men, stood and watched. The girl, with her headphones sticking out of her black scarf, looked scared. I asked the young man standing next to the fruit cart what was going on and he told me that the girl was fashionable which is why the Taliban stopped her. I said "but only part of her hair is visible". He replied, “No, she was wearing trousers and her sleeves were rolled up. She was also wearing headphones. It's good what they did to her". I hung my head thinking that cleanliness and style were now a crime. We have to be dirty.
Nargis, March 23, 2022; 14:47
Today is a special day. The girls are excited to go to school. I am both happy and worried for them at the same time. My daughter feels the same way about me. He doesn't say anything, but I can tell by his expression that he's worried. Nobody has an appetite, but I tell them to eat and drink so they don't get hungry later. Through the window I see girls in school uniforms with trobas on their shoulders. It's a beautiful sight. I thank God.
Two hours later, someone knocks on the door. It's girls, they're crying. They say that they went to the classroom, but that the teacher told them to go home. “We are all surprised. We said we wouldn't. They all said, “We want to learn. We are not going home". Then the principal came to the class and said that the government had passed a new decree. Everyone cried, but in vain".
Nargis, May 23, 2022; 14:37
Kabul has been without electricity for the third day. All the apartments in my block have modern toilets and bathrooms, but all the residents are looking for water. My son managed to find a gallon - not enough, but better than nothing - and carried it up to the fourth floor. I felt sorry for him - he was out of breath. I wish one gallon was enough for the whole family.
Most of Afghanistan's electricity comes from neighboring countries, and the government owes them money. What will happen if those debts are not paid?
Zaynab, August 20, 2021; 16:40
I heard a woman on the other side of the door talking to a neighbor. She said, “Sister, the Taliban will not touch you or me. We were not in the government. We did not work with foreigners". Another neighbor agreed: “You're right. We wear chadars anyway, so nothing has changed. They won't touch us. And others should sit at home so that the Taliban will leave them alone."
I asked myself: "How am I different from them?". I got dressed and put on red lipstick in protest.
Zainab, September 8; 16:25
Today I became one of the characters from my stories. I gave an interview, I looked into the callous eyes of the Taliban and shouted slogans about freedom and political inclusion. While we were there, the Taliban glared at us. One of them was pacing up and down like a wolf in a cage. Every time we protested loudly, he would point the gun at us and put his finger on the trigger. However, each time someone from their group would come and take him away. I knew he would have unloaded his weapon on us without hesitation if someone had ordered him to do so.
If I stay alive, I will be proud of my courage and remember that I stood up for freedom against injustice. I feel like I know more and can write better after my experience today.
Parand. February 2, 2022; 16:04
Today I woke up in a better mood. When choosing an outfit for work, I picked up a pink scarf to break up the black I wear from head to toe every day. But it is not easy to fight the darkness. While the business vehicle was moving through the streets, we were stopped at a checkpoint. One Taliban, whose hair was longer than mine, asked the driver to roll down the window.
He pointed at me and asked who I was. I began to tremble like a rod in the wind. The driver, who was also scared, quietly said, "she is our colleague". Pointing at me, the Taliban said, “Tell her to dress appropriately. Advise her”. The driver, who wanted to get rid of him, agreed with him. When the car started, my emotions changed like the wind. Fear gave way to anger. I felt humiliated. Is a long black dress from head to toe not enough? Is the colorful scarf my sin? What do they have against women? What other forms of humiliation will we be exposed to?
Batul, March 18, 2022; 06:27
Is this a gathering of women? No. We have changed the way we protest. We went to the Bag-e-Chihil Sutun park in Kabul and while pretending to have a picnic, we shouted slogans about women's rights to the foreign and domestic media, which we invited. After the journalists had left, the Taliban drove their cars to the park gate. I don't know who reported us, but thanks to some girls we managed to negotiate. Being with those brave girls was a very interesting but terrifying experience as I got close to Taliban soldiers for the first time.
We made a detailed plan for next Sunday. We are going through a difficult time, but we have hope. Long live women! Afghan girls are brave and daring.
Marie, September 10, 2021; 11:32
I struggle to find a way out. I wrote to all the organizations that worked here to see if they could evacuate me, but I didn't hear back. I am angry, disappointed and exhausted. I feel like a big ball is going from my throat to my heart. Every time it comes up, I swallow it and hide my despair. Relatives always come to our house. They are terrified, hopeless and helpless. They beg me: "You are educated and I know you can find a way out." Do something for us too”.
It gives me extra pain. Every time someone asks me to put them on the evacuation list, it shakes me to the core. I can't tell them that I'm not able to help them, because I know that would break them.
Marie October 15, 2021; 15:00
I told my father that I would probably go next Sunday. His eyes lit up. He laughs and says: “Thank God. I wish you a happy journey”. Inquires about travel details. I feel like he's pretending to be happy. I tell him: “It's not too late. I won't go if you don't want me to”. He answers me: “Go. You have no future here. Go and follow your life and dreams. We are here. We'll be together again if we're meant to be. If not, I leave you in God's hands”. His words break my heart. I feel sad because I lose my family so easily. I say to myself: “We are never at peace; not in the past, not now, and maybe not in the future".
Parand January 31, 2022; 14:52
I can't do anything. If I ask for a passport, the office is closed. If I want a birth certificate, they tell me that the registry no longer exists. It's the same when I come to the court to register the marriage. All our doors are closed these days. We are unconditional hostages of the Taliban. How sad it is to feel like a prisoner in your own country.
Nargis, May 23, 2022; 14:37
Most of the former government officials are in hiding. Is that the solution? We are all worried at home. We have to make decisions. I talked to my wife about ways to leave the country. I got in touch with friends in other parts of Afghanistan. I ask them what they are doing. They tell me they are trapped like mice. We often thought this day would come, but we never expected it to be so soon.
A year after the fall of Kabul, most of the authors of these posts left Afghanistan. Determined to stay in touch, they continue to share their thoughts and experiences.
Fatima S, USA, September 10, 2021; 10:07
Everyone sends me messages saying how happy I am to be gone. What are they talking about? I don't feel that so-called joy and happiness. The other day, a woman named Tanja came to my door and invited me to sit down with her. She took my hands, closed her eyes and began to pray: "Lord, I pray for the health and safety of Fatima's family..." Her eyes were closed, but she was shedding tears. I looked at her in wonder. How can a foreigner and non-Muslim so sincerely shed tears and pray for a foreigner?
Marie, Germany, November 6, 2021; 11:31
Today is my birthday and my first day in Germany. It's an interesting coincidence. I'm checking messages. My mother sent me a picture of a cake with the message "Happy Birthday". I am happy and sad at the same time. I wish time would reunite us in good health. I also want no one to experience what it's like to be a migrant. Those are my only wishes.
Zainab, UAE, January 15, 2022; 12:46 p.m
Migrants say the refugee camp in Abu Dhabi was once a military camp. That's why it has alarms and iron doors. Days and nights are hard. I understand what it means to be a prisoner, and I understand that freedom is more valuable than anything in the world. I have heard and read about captivity, but hearing and reading is not the same as experiencing it.
Several doctors and nurses came to my room and asked me if I was depressed. I answered: "Why do you ask?". "Because you left your country and family". I said "no", but I realized that tears were running down my face. I didn't know how I really felt at all.
Translation: N. Bogetić
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