From bizarre TikTok trends to avoiding parental controls, managing your child's relationship with screens can be a minefield.
By the age of 11, 91 percent of children in Great Britain have a smartphone, according to data from the British communications regulatory agency Ofcom, while research conducted in 19 European countries found that 80 percent of children aged nine to 16 use a smartphone to communicate on a daily basis. or accessed the Internet almost daily. Meanwhile, recent research has shown that 42 percent of children in the United States have a smartphone by age 10, while 91 percent own a phone by age 14.
It's not just that smartphones have become more widespread: the average amount of time children, young people and adults spend on the devices has been increasing in recent years. That trend was further accelerated during the pandemic lockdown: 79 percent of British parents reported that children's screen time had increased since the pandemic, although the latest global figures for 2023 for adults suggest a return to pre-pandemic levels.
According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention from 2018, the average child aged 11 to 14 in the US spent nine hours a day in front of a screen.
Dozens of parents from around the world spoke to the Guardian about their children's relationship with screens, from toddlers to teenagers on six continents. Although a significant minority were satisfied with their children's use of smartphones, the majority said they were unhappy with the time they spend online and the effects it has on their mood and concentration.
The average amount of time that children, young people and adults spend on devices has been increasing in recent years, and that trend was further accelerated during the pandemic
One of them is Steve, the father of two teenagers aged 13 and 15 in the Netherlands. He is unhappy with how his sons use the phone, but the 54-year-old doesn't know how to solve it. "You can't help but let kids have a smartphone, not only because technology has become a key aspect of modern life, but because it's become part of how they interact with their peers," said Steve, who works for the system integration.
His family uses Google's "Family Link" to limit screen time along with more old-fashioned methods like the "no phone on the table" rule. They also encourage children to refrain from "multimedia consumption": "If you're watching TV, don't use your phone."
Approaches to limiting their children's screen time vary widely.
While some adopt a casual attitude and others apply a "prevention is the best medicine" method (zero or strictly monitored availability), most are somewhere in between and impose rules such as "no screens at night".
Parents talked about the various monitoring instruments they rely on - although many complained that children were adept at evading those controls.
While some choose to turn off the internet or take away devices, others try more cooperative approaches, advocating “parenting by example,” discussing screen time and encouraging other interests.
You can't help but let kids have a smartphone, not only because technology has become a key aspect of modern life, but also because it's become part of how they interact with their peers
Parents like Aditya, 34, said their children spend less time in front of screens since taking certain steps - which is apparently easier to achieve with younger children. Aditya from Mumbai says that his son spent up to four hours in front of screens every day last year. Today, a four-year-old is limited to half an hour a day of watching cartoons and educational content on YouTube.
“His mother and I realized that screen time was doing more harm than good, he was speech delayed and had limited interaction with other children. It took a huge effort to limit his screen time and introduce social games, books and physical activity into his life," said Aditya, who works in a bank. "We tried to understand our child's interests and get him games and books accordingly."
For Adriano, a 43-year-old engineer from Sao Paulo, whose four-year-old daughter is allowed 30 minutes of screen time a day, he says the key is learning by example. "By observing the behavior of other people, I realized how much we lose when the mobile phone is our priority. I've seen whole families in a restaurant who don't talk because everyone is looking at their phone."
"I'm trying to use my cell phone less - how can I expect my daughter not to be addicted to the device if I don't lead by example?"
In particular, parents of teenagers have expressed concern about the impact social media is having on their children's mental health. Jane, 58, is a psychologist from Cape Town and she says her 15-year-old daughter managed to bypass all controls and spent much more time on Instagram than the allowed 45 minutes a day.
Jane regularly talks to her daughter, who finds her surveillance "annoying but good" - about how social media affects her feelings. "I don't think it's something you solve and you're done, but something you need to talk about all the time," Jane said.
Her daughter, who doesn't have internet access at home between nine in the evening and seven in the morning, only got a smartphone 18 months ago, and she's still experimenting. "Instagram interests her the most. She's not on TikTok because she saw what a bottomless pit it was - she tried it and deleted it herself," Jane said. "When she's stressed, she turns to her devices more, which I think only makes her stress worse."
I'm trying to use my cell phone less - how can I expect my daughter to not be addicted to the device if I don't lead by example?
The speed of technological advancement can sometimes seem confusing, and many parents have felt the burden of expectations to oversee their children's digital lives.
Rob, a power plant worker in north-west England, said his 14-year-old daughter spends five hours a day on the phone.
“We know he spends too much time on the phone, but we don't really know how to reduce it. We are trying to encourage alternative activities," said Rob (43).
“Smartphone use is not the only reason my daughter's mental health has deteriorated, but it is such a readily available means of instant gratification that it has become her safe haven, when in many cases it is the opposite. People who say 'You should just be strict' don't live in the real world. My daughter is 14 years old, her phone is her life, her diary, her gateway to most of the world”.
Many parents, due to work and other obligations, have a problem regulating their child's time in front of the screen.
Nga, a teacher in her 30s in Vietnam, says she finds it difficult to monitor the content her six-year-old son is exposed to on his grandparents' phones while she is at work.
"I can't control the content he watches," she said, explaining that her child uses voice control to access videos and games.
She said she is concerned about the amount of time her son spends in front of a screen because it has caused him eye problems and she also believes it is having a negative effect on his behavior.
The pandemic was a turning point for many young people in front of the screen.
Charanjit, the head of a food company and photographer in Singapore who has two sons, aged 12 and 15, said things have not gone back to the way they were.
"The use of devices has crossed all borders and we have not been able to stop that process," he said, although he admitted that his children also watch educational videos.
"What worries us is that they miss out on so much going on around them with their faces glued to screens and headphones in their ears.
However, the content consumed is also important and many parents said they were glad their children were learning new skills online.
Eilin, 41, a researcher from Pennsylvania, said her four-year-old daughter uses the tablet for about 90 minutes a day.
"We teach her both English and Spanish and some of the shows have helped her improve her vocabulary," said Eilin.
Like other working parents, she lamented that it was the only way she could do chores around the house when she got home from work.
“Setting time limits and finding appropriate content was a challenge. We rely on parental controls.”
And Jane, a 51-year-old sales manager in Luxembourg and mother of two teenagers, thinks that concerns about long screen time shouldn't be the focus.
"Phones and tablets will become part of their lives, they have to learn to control their use," she said, adding that her 14-year-old daughter admits that TikTok is addictive and that she occasionally deletes it.
“It's not about the device, it's about the content being consumed. The new technology creates an existential crisis that passes."
Impact on social life
For some young people, the ubiquity of the Internet affects their social world, as the potential for personal connection diminishes.
Mari, a health worker from New Zealand, said that when her 15-year-old son hangs out with most of his friends, they sit isolated in separate digital worlds.
"They mostly sit with their phones and play games, watch short videos or social media, even if they are together in real life. He thinks it's lonely and boring," said Mari (46).
“It definitely affects his friendships. Real life encounters seem to happen less often, kids tend to go home and be online. He feels a little lonely. He says: 'Life is fine, school is fine, except for the social side'.
Her son Jack spoke to The Guardian about how the ubiquity of smartphones has also increased social pressure at school.
"The way other kids use smartphones at school has a mostly negative effect on me... Everyone who has a smartphone mostly uses it for social media. In and out of school, there is a constant threat that any outburst will be recorded and posted for all to see. Interactions are more extreme if someone is filming them, such as arguments, fights”.
This teenager said that concentration in class is difficult if "out of the corner of your eye you see a bunch of people on their phones."
"My opinion is that phones would be fine if they only had messages and games, so that the kids who use them only affect themselves and not everyone else."
Prepared by: A.Š., NB
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